i think my boyfriend's best friend has feelings for him now

[confused79]

Alright. here is the situation as of last night. i met my boyfriend up at bowling where he bowls every tuesday. his best friend meets me up there mostly every time. I started dating him around august and we became good friends too. she came to my bday party etc etc. recently i thought it was just her personality that she didn't talk to me as much. others have said that it is her personality and so did my bf. saturday she came over and i did too. we hung out had fun then met up with some other friends that night. i ended up staying the night and she was going to since she had too much to drink but i think since she noticed that i was she decided to leave and got mad. last night a similar situation happened. we were all watching him bowl, we went to a bar after and she was quiet to me and hugging him like she was tired. well i wanted to talk to him before we left and he told me to meet him at his house. i did, she was there too. she didn't want to come in bc i think i was there. she ended up crying in the family room as we were in the bedroom and i was trying to figure things out. she ended up leaving then coming back and layed in the bed with us. he said not to worry about it as he was falling asleep but what can i do. she said "i loved you" and "have a nice life" and thanks to me. geez whats going on? any suggestions? we've been together for 6 months, took one short break. now i have fallen for him

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I can talk from a little bit of experiance here. Now I can't say for shore that she doesn't like the guy, but I can give a little bit of explanation for her actions if she doesn't. Remember that everything I say only applies if she isn't really after your guy.

 

She sees you as taking her friend away form her. She's probably always been the #1 girl in the guy's life, and now it seems like you're taking that away from her. Have you ever had anyone ever try and "take" a friend form you? If you have, then you know that it makes you feel a little abandoned. That's probably how she feels and she sees you as the cause. Loosing a connection that you have with a friend is painful. She probably is trying to keep you away so things can be how they use to. Change is hard, and can be painful. Go and talk to the girl and be candid. Ask her questions, but don't let yourself sound like you're accusing her. See if you can find where her heart really is. If she is just wanting her friend back, let her, but make sure that she knows that she has to let you have your boyfriend. You both seem to be steeping on each others toes trying to have different parts of the same guy.

 

Now I may be wrong and she really is after the guy in which case you need to find a way to gently stop her.

 

I hope I helped a bit

 

God Bless

[confused79]

i've only known her as much as him. i can't really talk to her aside from being in his presense or she might not talk to me online. i don't have her number. I don't want to step in between them by talking to them separately but i know it needs to be talked about with him. he tells me today that he really doesn't remember what happened that i stayed or that she did. oh geez whatelse can i say. i guess his ex and her didn't get along either. i did with her in the beginning but things have grown distant. who knows. gotta go into a meeting. hope to hear back from you soon. i'll write more when i hear back from you. i sooo want this to work

[Nifty_Swifty1]

You're going to have to take her aside and talk to her. Talking to his isn't going to do much. He's just doing what he always has, and talking to them together is not going to do anything but put a target on your head and you're going to be attacked. You're ether going to have to get the girl to talk to you or you're just going to have to deal with the situation the way it is.

[confused79]

i just can't talk to her, i think i'll get my head bitten off for talking to her separate from him. I believe my only hope to from him bc I guess I need to find out where i stand with him, if he believes that we are still dating and that he still likes me. He needs to tell me if he wants something to happen between them and if he wants to date her. I don't know i guess if thats the case then i'm going to have to get out. I don't want to lose him, how silly i feel for loving him. why i ask do i love him and want to be with him? right now i feel so sick to my stomach, shaking and want to throw up and cry. that isn't something i need to feel. we are fine when we are together alone but he seems to get all weird when others are around. except for the saturday night when she was over and a few others. we kissed a lot and i sat on his lap a lot. i thought it was wonderful incase he felt like he didn't like pda's but that showed me otherwise. i just wish i could get things to be better right now, i don't deserve this pain. i need to talk to him now. ugggh

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Having been in the situation myself I really don't think you're going to get anything out of him. If he's anything like I was, then everything seems just fine to him. If you go asking him all sorts of questions he's just going to become defensive and maybe even a little paranoid. You know your guy better than I do, but I still think he's not the one you need to be dealing with.

[confused79]

well i did what wasn't suggested and knew that there was a possibility of him being defensive etc etc. i asked him if he knew what was goin on with her and he's come to notice that she might be interested in him and that he told me nothing is ever going to happen beyond the friendship they share. i don't know how he may deal with her but he knows her better. anyway, as long as he's not interested in her that is find otherwise i was thinking of just jumping ship bc it was just going to get too complicated. anyway, thanks again.