jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 So me and the ex have been having a few in depth conversations over the last couple of days. Shes been hinting at getting back together but then going the other way. She said she is very unhappy at the moment and very confused. She knows I want to give it another go and she sent me this message last night. "Hi, I was awake till about 3 last night worrying. There's no way I can just say to you let's just get back together. I'm too confused that I owe it to myself not to. No one should make a decision when they're this unsure.. I'm sorry. I don't mean that I'll feel this way forever, but I need some time to get my head together as this is unhealthy. If that means that I have to stop contacting you for a while, then so be it x" What do you guys thinks she means. I'm just going ot leave her alone from now on but is this she needs me out her life and then years down the line maybe we could see whats going on or is this give me a few weeks to sort my head out? She has a new job now and I'm sure she'll be busy with that every day now and I feel like she'll just forget about me and move on. It kills me to think that. What should I do? Link to comment
Adge Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Lord....that's the type of text I would expect to get from my ex. I will be interested to see what sort of responses you get jxl!! Link to comment
jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 That's the thing, I don't know if/when I'll hear from her again?! Link to comment
SighSob Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Overanalyzing won't help. Unfortunately no one in this message board can read through ex's minds, and that text could be filed under "ex's at their most honest" as well as "100% BS". So, given the fact that you can't in any way find out what is going on in her mind, your only chance is to stick to no contact. If she forgets about you (but - to be honest - I don't think that's what is going to happen...), it just wasn't meant to be... Link to comment
simply complicated Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 All I can say, is don't wait up. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'd take it to mean, that she doesn't see an immediate future with you.....and she's letting you know, in the nicest way possible. She talks of her own hurt feelings over this....appears to be having a hard time dealing with it all and wants you to think she is, is trying to get sympathy from you in her decision...she doesn't want to look the bad guy in all of this. Whether you choose to wait around for her, is up to you. But I wouldn't wait around for anyone personally and for something I wasn't sure, was going to return. Life's too short. Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 no-one knows whats going on in her head. The only thing you can be sure of is that you need to go NC, especially as she has suggested this. Anything else and you will just be pushing her further away. If she really love's you then she won't just forget about you, infact it will be the exact opposite. It's hard to do, and naturally you will worry about them forgetting you, but chances are they are thinking about you as much as you are about them. Link to comment
jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks for the info/support guys. I feel really pissed at myself for getting like this. I feel like this girl has taken way too much head space up in my life already and part of me just wants to move on and if she wants to come back fine but I need to forget about her. It kills me to think how it's taken over my life. Part of me feel liks a failure, that I wasn't good enough for her or couldn't give her what she wanted...... Link to comment
LadyBrandon Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 It sounds like she is unsure of her feelings towards you. Has she told you she still loves you? Your situation sounds very familiar to my own at the moment. I want to get back with my ex, he doesn't know where his head is at the moment due to some physical issues he is having with a hernia so he wants everything between us on the back burner right now.....and because of that I am pretty much feeling 'don't wait up' towards him now. What I'd like to do is disappear completely but I still keep chatting with him (yes...I *am* a sucker for punishment) Give her space is all I can say. If she comes back to you then she does...if not...move on. Link to comment
jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah, she has said she still loves me, misses me and wants to be with me but feels she can't because I've had a few anxiety issues which affected our relationship in the past. I guess it just made me a bit nervous in certain situations. We never argued and I wasn't needy/clingy or overpowering but I think it freaked her out a bit. Which I don't blame her for. I have been seeing a few different professionals to sort it out and have just come to the realisations that I have got on top of my issues but there will always be a certain aspect of that nervousness in me (perhaps part of my personality) and therapy will only get me 90% of the way. The final 10% is for her to understand and just accept me for who I am and if she can't accept that then she's not the right person for me I guess Link to comment
gee Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hey jxl, Don't think too much about it! The bottom line is she is confused! Go NC and continue with your life. You can't be around someone you love that is confused and doesn't know that they want. You need to disappear for now. She will string you along for a painful ride my man! Be careful. gee Link to comment
jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I know that's what I need to do but it almost seems like an impossible struggle at present. I can't concentrate on work, I'm off my food and I just can't get her ut of my head. I'm so so lost right now! Link to comment
wiley Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was the same as you, but the sooner you go NC, the better. I laughed at the idea of not having contact with my ex, but now it all makes sense. It gets easier after a couple of days of NC believe me, im only on day 3 and its alot better now. Make her miss you, do your own thing, let her wonder what you are up to! Link to comment
naugyanks Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 you gotta just stop thinking about it. I would try not to expect her to contact you at all. Dont try contacting her. Live your life, try new things, and try to be happy single. You have to be your own person. Link to comment
LadyBrandon Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was the same as you, but the sooner you go NC, the better. I laughed at the idea of not having contact with my ex, but now it all makes sense. It gets easier after a couple of days of NC believe me, im only on day 3 and its alot better now. Make her miss you, do your own thing, let her wonder what you are up to! I agree. I am going to be doing the same in my own situation starting today. Let *them* miss us for a change. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 let me translate for you: my interest in you is not very high right now. i know that you want to get back together, and it's reassuring to me, as a woman, to know that a guy will be there to catch me if all else fails. so if it's cool with you, i'm going to see what else is out there, and *maybe* we might get back together if i don't meet anyone. also, you'll be a distraction if i do meet someone, as I don't want to drive off any cute guys by telling them an ex is still in the picture....so, don't call me, i'll call you, okay? Link to comment
gee Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I know that's what I need to do but it almost seems like an impossible struggle at present. I can't concentrate on work, I'm off my food and I just can't get her ut of my head. I'm so so lost right now! Do you see how unstable you are right now? You need get away from her for awhile and get back to your own self again. This is not easy man. The best thing you can do right now and you will thank me for it is to tell her that you need to get away for awhile. Go NC and stay strong. You can do it man. The sooner the better. gee P. S. Go and eat something and focus on your work which is very important. Link to comment
jxl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks guys. I know what I need to do but the hard thing I'm finding is letting go of all hope. Even if I say to myself, that's it we're over there is always that shred of hope in the back of my mind which makes me think about her or more so what life without her will be like Link to comment
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