Are these relationship warning signs?

[Aestas]

I've been seeing this guy since about September 2008. He's great, and has many qualities that I love (spontaneous, quirky, tall). But as of late, I feel like we gotten more distant. This is my first serious relationship so I'm not entirely sure if this is just the relationship progressing positively or negatively.

 

Some details about our relationship:

-We're both in college and live in dorms that are accross the street form each other

- our relationship is one of those 'opposites attract' kind of relationships. He's a huge gaming geek and I know nothing about video games. He's mentioned that he would love to date himself (vain, I know) which makes me wonder sometimes why we're going out.

 

 

I feel like I bore him sometimes. Like today, our group of friends finished a rather depressing movie and he seemed to be really affected by it. So he left presumably on a walk, but went to talk to another girl on my floor for hours. To be fair, everyone else seemed a bit bummed out by it and went back to their respective rooms.

 

I've noticed recently that he and this girl are really hitting it off (she has a bf already that she adores and is very serious with) friendship and I hate to admit that I'm pretty jealous. Recently it seems like we just have less and less to talk about sometimes and we just sit in what I believe to be companiable silence (I don't know if the silence bothers him, but it doesn't for me). Sometimes I get the feeling he'd rather spend time with her than me. I just notice that he gets more animated when he's around her than with me. He seems a lot more mellow when he's around me. I had a very clingy ex whom I despised, so I try hard to give him his independence. I'm just not sure if it's too much?

 

In regards to christmas break, I was a little miffed with his behaviour in general. I've always had to make the plans even though he's the one who's always saying that he wants to hang out with me. His explanation is that he's a nerd who likes gaming and doesn't know what I'll like to do. I didn't say this to him, but he was the one who took the effort to plan our first couple of dates. We hung out 3 times over christmas break and I planned every single one. Not to mention that he slept in on one of our dates but he did apologize profusely for it the next time we went out. I told him that I was not going to let him off as easily if he sleeps in on me again. I also have to generally initiate msn conversations with me and if he had a cellphone, I reckon I'd be the one calling him all the time regarding plans and just to check in. (He checks in with me every couple days by dropping by)

 

To give a fair picture, I do generally see a fair amount of him (not always alone time though, usually with other friends around). He's attentive to me when we are alone and does his best to cuddle/chat with me after we're done messing around. I really like him and would like for things to work out. But if he's getting bored with me, I don't want to be holding him back. Would it be fair to bring these issues up the next time I'm alone? Or am I just one crazy paranoid girlfriend with high expectations?

 

Thanks in advance for any serious input.

[waltwhit]

Yes I think you should bring it up with him. Communication is an important cornerstone to any serious relationship, and it seems you two are at some kind of a crossroads. it is only fair for you to know what is on his mind so you can make an educated decision as to whether you want to continue this relationship or if you are just wasting your time. Hopefully he will be able to be completely candid and honest, and you two can get some real clarity.

 

Perhaps it's an issue of you not satisfying his needs, which this other girl does. In that case, it will be good for you two to talk it out, and then both of you take actions to remedy the distance that has been created as of late. Either way, you will need to have a talk, because having to play guessing games is never going to get you anywhere.

 

It may be the case that he is more into this other girl than he is into you at this point, and he is just trying to distance himself in hopes that you will break up with him so he doesn't have to worry about hurting you, or worry about the guilt of hurting someone in general.

 

again, either way, you will need to talk it out. I suggest you do so in a very supportive and cooperative way - I wouldn't take this opportunity to point out all his flaws and all the past times he has let you down. Instead, get to the root of this issue, and do so in an un-emotional and reactionary way as possible. This way you will get the most out of the discussion.

 

Hope this helps and keep us posted!