Stinkweed Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and I noticed something that just can't be normal. I am constantly tensed up... Just, around people in general, especially when I think they might be looking, I feel so tense, and I just think if I could just "let go" of myself I would do much better socializing. I have a hard time mingling when I go to social events... I kinda try to do my own thing (i.e. if I'm at a party, I start looking at paintings and pictures, cause if I don't, I just stand there all tensed up). Even if I don't have more a more successful social life, at least I won't be having the unnecessary stress... So, I still go out, so it's not like I'm running from it or doing nothing about it, but you'd think it'd get better, but it really doesn't. So I think maybe I should get further out of my "area of comfort" for things to get better. Like try to start talking to people or something... What do you think/suggest? Link to comment
Xplode Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 drink... alcohol makes me loosen up, say do things i would in a sober state. (only on weekends, and when it doesnt affect anyone but myself. (drink responsibly.) Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 This stress is probably coming from something else in your life, and manifesting itself in social situations. In fact, if you really focused on the stress and the anxiety, like close your eyes and see where it is affecting you in your body, you would probably notice that it is with you all the time, not just when you are in a social situation. The cause of the stress and anxiety is not that important. It's the actual feeling that is. I would suggest you research something called the Sedona Method on the internet. There is a big program you can buy for hundreds of dollars, but it's not necessary. If you look on YouTube you can find all you really need to start letting go of these emotions. In fact, that is the whole idea behind the method. Letting go. Basically, you focus on whatever negative feeling you are having, you ask yourself three simple questions. : Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? Sound simple? It is. But you have to be open to it and believe it will work. That's why I suggest you check out the video on YouTube. Whether you try the Sedona Method or not, it is important to realize that the feelings and emotions are the issue, and the cause doesn't really matter. Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 drink... alcohol makes me loosen up, say do things i would in a sober state. (only on weekends, and when it doesnt affect anyone but myself. (drink responsibly.) I don't know. I do not want to depend on some external substance that costs money... I mean, what I'm saying cannot be normal. It happens sometimes in class... I know there's people who do as you say you do, but are totally normal in every day situations like school. So I don't think this is the answer for me. This stress is probably coming from something else in your life, and manifesting itself in social situations. In fact, if you really focused on the stress and the anxiety, like close your eyes and see where it is affecting you in your body, you would probably notice that it is with you all the time, not just when you are in a social situation. The cause of the stress and anxiety is not that important. It's the actual feeling that is. I would suggest you research something called the Sedona Method on the internet. There is a big program you can buy for hundreds of dollars, but it's not necessary. If you look on YouTube you can find all you really need to start letting go of these emotions. In fact, that is the whole idea behind the method. Letting go. Basically, you focus on whatever negative feeling you are having, you ask yourself three simple questions. : Could I let it go? Would I let it go? When? Sound simple? It is. But you have to be open to it and believe it will work. That's why I suggest you check out the video on YouTube. Whether you try the Sedona Method or not, it is important to realize that the feelings and emotions are the issue, and the cause doesn't really matter. I'll look it up. If you could send me a link to one that's not just an people's testimonials about it working, that'd be awesome. You might be right, it might not just be social settings (I thought maybe I have some sort of social anxiety. Maybe I do, but I think those things can be overcome by will too, though). Sometimes I feel like that even amongst siblings... But sometimes I feel great and can talk to anyone, but this is very very rare, and can't figure out why it happens, but always wish I would always be like that... Link to comment
Salucious Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 drink... alcohol makes me loosen up, say do things i would in a sober state. (only on weekends, and when it doesnt affect anyone but myself. (drink responsibly.) ^ | | | | Bad advice Depending on alcohol in that manner is wildly irresponsible, not to mention it perpetuates the problem. Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Yes it definitely takes practice. And don't put any pressure on yourself to make progress with it. Just merely doing it will help, even if your answer to the questions is "no." Take it at your own pace, but do it on a consistent basis. I have found the best time to do this is as you are going to sleep. It will put you in an extremely relaxed state, and you will wake up feeling really refreshed and looking forward to your day. Also, don't just stop asking the questions after three rounds or so, and even if you feel nothing after three rounds or so, keep going. Eventually you will feel lighter, and more relaxed. Something else you can try that works better for some people is allowing whatever anxiety, sadness or whatever other negative feeling you are having to be felt fully. Usually works best with your eyes closed. Just think of anything that is causing you anxiety, any issues or problems in your life, and then focus on the feelings you get from that. It should feel like a tenseness or a tightness. Don't magnify it at all, just take it however it is when thinking about those issues. Then, concentrate on that tenseness, concentrate on where it hits you in your body until you can almost visualize it. Once you achieve this, focus on the emptiness, the "otherness" of that feeling. In other words, focus on everything inside your body that is NOT that negative feeling, and notice how that "otherness" is outside of, but also how it creeps into, that feeling of tenseness. Focus on the "otherness" for a little while. Then, again, welcome whatever remaining feelings of tenseness are there, and visualize again. Then again, focus on the "otherness." Do this as many times as you need until you can't really tell the difference between the tenseness and the otherness. And, again, don't put any pressure on yourself to "feel better." Just do it the best you can. Like when you focus on the feeling tell youself, ok just let that feeling in, welcome it in this moment as best as you can. Then tell yourself, ok now focus on the outsidedness, the "otherness" of that feeling as best as you can. Let us know if this helps! Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I will try both ways... Today would've been a great test day, lol. Oh well. I will let you know how it goes. Thank you very much and best wishes. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 No matter what anybody says, it's not going to get any better. The only way to start feeling comfortable in an uncomfortable situation is to just do it. One thing that will make it easier, is as soon as you walk into a social gathering talk anyone as soon as you walk in and just bounce around asking everyone if they're having a good time. It will make it easier to talk to more people if you start it out this way. Think about it like a cold swimming pool. It's much easier to get in if you just force yourself to jump in instead of slowly stepping in or procrastinating. Then once you're in you'll stay warm when you're moving around. Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 No matter what anybody says, it's not going to get any better. The only way to start feeling comfortable in an uncomfortable situation is to just do it. One thing that will make it easier, is as soon as you walk into a social gathering talk anyone as soon as you walk in and just bounce around asking everyone if they're having a good time. It will make it easier to talk to more people if you start it out this way. Think about it like a cold swimming pool. It's much easier to get in if you just force yourself to jump in instead of slowly stepping in or procrastinating. Then once you're in you'll stay warm when you're moving around. It's true. But I've done this go around talking to everyone before several times, when I've been in the mood, and the following day I just feel foolish for some reason... I've only met like 1 person this way, and it was a guy and haven't heard from him in a while. I dunno... I'll try more I guess. Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 well today I asked for this girl's phone number, and I mean, I'm happy cause I finally did it. I've been wishing I'd run into her since this semester began (so 2 weeks), and I know I was gonna let it go cause it's not that big of a deal, but while I was talking to her I was so nervous, it's like... I dunno what she was thinking, hopefully the fact that she gave me her number will mean something good this time (not like the last girl who gave me her number, lol. That was some old BS, but it's in the past). But I could've done better, lol. I was the epitome of unsmoothness... well at least I was talking intelligibly and didn't really get tongue-tied. But you see? afterwards I kept thinking all these great ideas of what I could've said better... why weren't they there when I was talking to her? Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 I wouldn't worry about that, man. The bottom line is you got her number, and I bet she thought you stammering around was kind of cute. Most girls actually like that sort of thing. It is very non-threatening. A lot of times when they meet a guy who is really "smooth" it sends up red flags for them. They think he is a player and he just wants sex. It's good that you were a little nervous while talking to her, this shows that you actually like her for who she is, and trust me that will go a long way. You've made great progress already, so let's focus on that instead of what you could have said or could have done. Baby steps my friend, baby steps. Plus, you said you ran into her, which is awesome because it means you are attracting opportunities in your life for what you want to happen to unfold. All good things, keep up the good work! Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 I hope she sees it that way. And by "I ran into her" I mean that I hadn't seen her since before the winter holiday break, and hoped I could see her around campus just once more and I finally did. I mean, I couldn't let that chance pass up cause I admit that even though it's in the past, I kept wondering "what if?" and I was letting it go, but I saw her again and I knew if I didn't do anything again (I did have so many chanes last semester... And I would feel like crap in the end after I let each one of them pass up), I'd feel like crap, lol... Earlier that day I talked to another girl and, again, I thought I could've done much better, but that was after the fact. I wasn't nearly as nervous with that one, though. I guess cause I don't really know her well so I don't really feel attraction towards her (although, so far, I think she is pretty nice and good-looking). Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I think you're doing fine man. And I think you ran into her *because* you let it go. I think you were probably meant to run into her. Just keep letting it go, and good things will come to you. I promise! Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I think you're doing fine man. And I think you ran into her *because* you let it go. I think you were probably meant to run into her. Just keep letting it go, and good things will come to you. I promise! Running into her was horrible, actually. It's just made me learn ugly things about the dating world (or the trying-to-date world). Things I wish I could unlearn just to go back to a happy ignorance. I think I'm forgetting how to let go... These last few days have been so bad. Like waking up from a nightmare where there are actual zombies killing people into a world where the sun's gonna explode in less than 3 days. Link to comment
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