How do you end a friendship politely?

[mere36]

How do you end a friendship without becoming bitter enemies? I have been friends with this person for about 2 years now, but she always makes me feel bad about myself, and I do not like the person I become when she is around me. She is needy and clingy, and everytime we hang out she talks about herself 24-7, but if I talk about me, then she never validates anything I say, and makes me feel as though nothing I say will compare to what is going on in her life. She dramatizes everything, and is a complete mooch, from money to food, and everything. I know she has serious issues, and I am one of the only people who listens to her. She doesn't really have that many friends. I know that I have my faults too, but I cannot be her friend anymore. I am not the kind of person to hurt other people, and I hate feeling as though I've hurt someone else, so I usually just let her say or do whatever, even when it bothers me. I'm at a loss as to what to do. She is my sorority sister as well, so I have to see her. I cannot just end as enemies. I've tried not answering her phone calls, but she won't get the hint, and now she just shows up at my apartment unwanted. Help, what should I do???? I don't want to hurt her, but I can't take it anymore!!!!

[raggamuffin]

I hate to say it but you are going to hurt her regardless of how you "break up" your friendship with her. It just depends how much you are going to hurt her. The best way to do it would just to sit her down and be honest, tell her what you told us in your post. Tell her that friendship is a two way street and she has to put some effort in. Tell her that you cant solve her problems if she needs help she should try getting it from a professional. Be honest with her, in the end she will appriciate it and you never know she may eventually be able to be a normal person again after she sorts her self out and you may be able to have a normal friendship. The key is to be honeset to yourself and to her.

[dfcannon]

Before I answer your question directly, I want you to answer one question: do you find any value in this friendship, or has it been simply a case of this person ordaining herself a friend from the start? If there's something to salvage here, then talk to her first and give her a chance.

 

There certainly are people out there who will selfishly latch onto someone else and be like a parasite, and if that's all she is, you are CORRECT in getting rid of her.

 

The most polite way would be to totally ignore her, as you have tried, and when she manages to track you down, be busy, keep ignoring her, and tell her she needs to learn to respect your space. You should feel free to tell her why you don't enjoy her company, if she presses you on it. But anyway, the time-proven "polite" way to blow someone off is to be "busy."

 

Hope this helps. This is a very difficult situation, since she's in your sorority. Try to band together with some sorority sisters on this and help plan things together that exclude her. If she becomes downright hostile, you should consider blackballing her from the house.

[mahlina]

Hi mere36!

 

You sound like my friend, who's also in a sorority...She's really sweet and doesn't have the heart to be mean. I told her, "girl, you just have to ignore her..."

 

I know what you're going through...my only way to deal with it, (I'm going through it myself) is to ignore her. This girl at work, she was needy/clingy/moocher for money, etc. I just cut her off loose. She was the type to use people. I couldn't stand it anymore either, and just asked my manger to change our shifts around, and blocked her number from my house #. Luckily, she does not have my cell#.

 

But yeah, since this girl is your sorority sis, I really think that you don't really have much of an option but to ignore her. You don't want to makes waves, since you've all ready pledged. Just tell her that you're busy with school work. Or if you have a b/f, tell her that you can't hang out b/c he gets jealous. Whatever you do, try not to get into confrontations with a 'sis.' Good Luck!

[AngryAnnie]

My advice is that you find a time and tell her that you can't help her solve all her problems and that she should turn to people who will be able to help her. That is an alternative to totally ending a friendship.

 

If you find that the friendship is affecting you adversely, then a breakup might be advisable. However, it will be best if you explain to her why so that she will not be confused as to why things turned out that way.

 

Even if you break up with her, you can still be friendly with her. In my opinion, ignoring her when you see her will only hurt her.