Horribly confused...I could really use some advice

[Baching311]

I have had a strictlly physical relationship with this guy for the past two years, emotion, attachment and commitment-free. There used to be a line between us that was never crossed, but i can no longer deny that i do have an emotional attachment to him, which totally defeats the purpose of our strictly physical relationship. I've been in a lot of bad relationships and he's been the most constant, stable guy i've had in my life. I am extremely comfortable around him and trust him sexually, which is a major issue for me. He's never made me feel bad about my body, and i am very insecure about with that issue. We couldn't act any more like a couple; we talk on the phone every night and every time he is in town we are eachother's top priorities. However, i would never be in a committed relationship with him. He is aggressive, manipulative and a cheater (we began "hooking up" while he was still in a relationship). I wouldn't want to be exclusive with him. The thing is, he used to be a little bit more sensitive to my feelings, protective, lighthearted etc., but lately he's been distant and crude. We've hardly been talking and when we do, he makes me feel like he has no interest in whats going on in my life at all. I don't know if he is having personal issues he needs to work out or if it's me. It's a completely different side of him i never knew. It's the first time that i've really had to think about things between us or every actually felt bad about what was going on. It bothers me that i am thrown so off balance by his actions. I would norbally consider myself to be an extremely strong and independent person, but i can't figure out why i have such a weakness towards him that is so out of character for me. To complicate the matter, i've always felt that he would be the first person that i would have sex with. My virginity is very important to me and i would like to remember my first as a positive experience with someone who i am comfortable with indefinatly. We're very open with this matter. I think that i havn't slept with him yet because i had insecurities and issues to work out within myself before i felt i wanted to have sex with anyone in general. Now, i am so afriad that his insensitivity will only hurt me if i have sex with him. i feel that sex will make me feel extremely vulnerable and i am terrified of that. I have no idea how to handle this whole situation. Why do i cling to him when i know i shouldn't? please help!

[Derek]

And the difference between "hooking up" and "sex" is?

 

You seem to be talking about hooking up and being sensitive to your body and open sexually, yet you haven't had "sex" as of yet?

 

BTW, he doesn't sound that inviting from your description,

many guys can talk nice about a girl's body and giver her compliments and listen actively and carefully.

 

Is he a sort of security that you feel a need for? Are you using him?

Maybe if you didn't depend on him you would have more space for new guys?

 

 

 

[bridey]

You say it has been a purely sexual relationship, but if you guys are talking on the phone regularly, it is an emotional one as well, no matter how you two try to define it. It sounds like this relationship has maybe run its course if he is treating you diffrently on the emotional level. If you can't bring it up to him then move on. Otherwise, I would recomend asking him what is going on. Either way, though, I think you could do better. You don't sound like an idiot from what you have to say, so figure out what you want and go get it, form him or someone else!