sick to my stomach

[kathyk]

well i did not call him last night but at 1030 he called me to let me know that he slept well on my bed and it really helped his back. he also told me he would be coming over to my house tuesday night. didn't ask me! he also let me know he would be staying the night and would go rescue my cat from the pound. he called from his parents phone and said he was working out. so get yourselves looking good and now he wants to look good. he did sound a bit angry. not sure why. just said ok and that i was tired and needed to go back to sleep. yes i got up and jumped a few hundred times and clicked my heels together. but lets see what i should do tonight. i think i'll do like geecee. cook a meal. no. i don't like to cook and will not start that. order something out that he likes. i work all day and will not go back to being a house slave again. light some candles or something. never did that. see how his attitude is first.

 

don't want to go over board. he has to like ME just the way i am and will be in the future.

 

i know maybe some baby oil for his back. sounds wonderful. no sex though.maybe. no.

[GeeCee]

KathyK

 

You know that I am ecstatic, delirious, weak with happiness for you that you have managed to turn your situation around.

 

But ... be careful allowing himself to make demands on you like this. Ok, I know that on the one hand you are delighted that he is making plans for you. I am going to be your other hand Kathy - he has NO RIGHT to be making these demands on you. He could call and say he wants to see you, wants to talk to you, wants to take you out. But I don't think that he should be in the comfort zone at the moment of telling you - TELLING YOU!!! - that he is coming over and that he will be staying the night. WTF?!?!

 

This is my opinion Kathy - and you can tell me to back off. But be very careful of falling back into your old routines with him.

 

You are a different person - starting responding in a different way.

 

G xx

 

P.S. There is no way - no way on this earth KathyK - that the baby oil routine will not lead to sex. Bets, anyone?!?!?!

[kathyk]

geecee i am in my office laughing so hard that everyone thinks i am crazy.thank you for your outlook. but what has happened is he is finally taking charge instead of me having to do all.this is what i have ask him to do in the past. he wouldn't do this. well i know if you want something from his kind you ask for the opposite. like a child. you see the weekend is coming up and i have made plans. he hasn't ask me about the weekend. cannot cancel the plans i have already made.

 

no the baby oil will not lead me to sex. i had my fix over the weeekend.i will have a reason why i think we should go slow. i can be this way. i am learning and i am enjoying my time doing so.

 

yes i will be a tease for awhile now. then i will call him to see how he is doing on thursday.

 

thank you

[GeeCee]

Oh KathyK

 

So glad - my mistake - thought you were reverting to type. But no, you are sticking to your new woman idea.

 

Phew!!!!

 

G xx

[Beec]

OK, kathyk is getting a game and some confidence in it.

 

I was getting the same worries as GeeCee, so glad to see that is not the issue.

 

Remember, the strategy is to always give them emotional fulfillment then withdraw it. You cannot give and give and give, or they will take you for granted. Give it, withdraw it, let them look for, chase, or want more. Then you can give it again.

[kathyk]

well i did not do as i said. but oh well. i needed to be with him. after all its been 9 weeks. but now that he knows i am here for him i will know withdraw. i let him know that tonight is my night out. he tried everything to keep me from going anywhere. well even if i do not go drink i will not be home. he called me on monday evening i believe to see if i was at home. well mondays are bad days for me and of course i was home. but today is wednesday. he is asking all kinds of questions. where is your tanning place at. lots of curiosity.but that is good. now he is asking not me. but i don't want him to thnk he can come over for a few nights and then take off a night. i have to have control over some of this. it is very hard not to give in. so i will have to bite the bullet and not see him for a few days. this will be hard to do.

 

he is very insistant on picking up the cat. but hten i have to give him a key so he can bring the cat back to my house. hum. he is trying to work his way back in. but not yet. he will have to earn his way back. i have made sure he knows he is very welcome at my home. but i need my space for a few days.

[GeeCee]

Kathyk - I have won money!! You said you would not have sex - I said you would!!!

 

Now, for goodness sake, retreat. Start playing the game that you have spent the last two months perfecting.

 

G xx

[kathyk]

hey. you should have bet more money than you did. but i have my needs also. so i met them. yes i used him also. got what i wanted and now to retreat.

 

i am going off to the beach this weekend. will build a sandcastle for you geecee. i need to be away for awhile. so much in the head. the ocean takes thoughts away. couple of drinks won't hurt either. since i will not be driving.

 

gee cee good luck to you. i am sure you will succeed. so will i. so now i will become a nun. lets see what he thinks.

 

oh didn't even need to do the baby oil. so he must of thought of how he could get to me. oh i got a message out this this time. wow. he is thinking more of me now. so if i'm not there when he calls tonight or even thursday night i will see what happens on friday.

[kathyk]

well he knew i was going out wednesday night. about 8pm the phone rings and i answered. i had just walked in the door.it was him. he wanted to let me know he was doing his laundry and he would be over at 9pm. he wanted to stay the night so he could pick up the cat on thursday.boy this cat sure is a good excuse for alot of things.

 

remember how i said there might be someone in his life b. well she knows someone who wants to be in his life named selena. not happy about this. a friend of his is trying to set him up with someone. but i guess this would be normal if your friend broke up with someone to try and set them up with someone else. after all i went out with someone to but i didn't do the sex thing with them. oh well we'll see. life goes on.

 

"never let yesterday use up too much of today." kobi yamada

[kathyk]

ok i knew when friday got here he would have an excuse for the evening. so i was prepared. got up this morning and he was leaving for work.bum ask me for $5.00. told him sorry don't have it. i ask him if he were coming by later and he said he really needed to go home. he had some running to do to find out if he was gonna get his car fininshed saturday.

well we'll see. he said well i could come by later but i need to rest for saturday. i told him no that is ok. i have somethings i would like to go do. so see ya another time. started picking up from night before as usual. and he gave me a kiss by. said see ya later. said ok by.

 

what do you think. his friend has been trying to set him up with a girl. so do you think he is meeting them tonight? well i am going out myself and my car will be home but not me. don't want him to think anything bad though but oh well. if he doesn't want me then someone else will.

 

let you know about weekend propably on monday. any ideas anyone?

 

my friend said she didn't think he would come back and say he wanted us to get back together just so he could go out with another girl. she said think. he had a message but he didn't go there during week. if he really wanted to meet this girl then he would have go asap. not wait a week.

what do you think?

[GeeCee]

Kathyk

 

I think that you should listen to your friend.

 

G xx

[kathyk]

Hello everyone. I haven't been on for a while. but looks like i will be on for a while. we had a terrible fight 4th of July. very bad night. i made him move out at 4am. I am definitly having problems with jealousy now. i guess i may have blew this relationship all to h====. i did call him this morning before noon time to get my things back from him. he was hung over as i am. we fought over a girl that was in his car that shouldn't have been. long story. he took her to her car because both had locked keys in car on the beach. the day was going wonderful and then this. i really though we were making progress. now he says there is no you and me anymore. it was a really bad fight that involed too much drinking. i don't thnk he will forgive me for this argument. i will see him tuesday when he brings my things to me. i did the wrong thing in telling him we both had too much to drink and that we were both wrong in what happened. i told him that i know and he knows i can not drink but i did to try to be with him. it was so ugly. i told him that he promised when he came back that he said he would quit drinking because he knows i have a problem with it. he does to but will not admit it. it makes us both so hateful at a point. i do not know what to do now. were broke up jan 24 and got back together march 27. we of course had a few arguments about friends and not haivng time to do things together. so he has tried and i don't know why i have to be the way i am. so damned insecure. yes i fell back into that again. so do i try to start this again not calling and see if i can win him back??? please someone help me again. i am still in shock over this. it hasn't hit me yet. i should have stayed on here when things were good. always have questions on what to do. but i thought i could do it myself. i have really messed up and so has he.

[Beec]

Kathy,

 

Sorry to hear about this, but I think you have two choices, revert to prior tactics or take one positve move and see how it works. My one positve move, would be to play confident, and tell him a few things. One you are sorry that you were insecure, then soemthign like:

 

When I see my man in a car with another woman, then I want her away from him, he's my man. I want him for me and me alone, and I don't feel sorry for wanting that or him in that way. My man should want me in that way too. We got drunk, we had a stupid fight, but you should see that the first thing I was fighting for was you and us. I wish I had a man that would fight like that for us.

 

In a sense, this is a bit of a challenge for him to fight for you and to keep the relationship. It also lets him know, you want him.

 

Anyway, that's my suggested move. Good luck.

[kathyk]

he told me that that wasn't him last night. i told him that wasn't me last night either. it was alot of the alcohol. he said i will bring you your things tuesday as he was eating with his mouth full. like no big deal. i still feel as though he is searching for something. i don't know what. i really cut him down so bad. as he did me. he said i was a dumb a==. he then said because i feel asleep and he almost did at the wheel i was in considerate, i told him i didn't want to go there and that i felt uncomfortable going there one of his old stomping grounds. i went because he worked extra so we could go soemwhere for the 4th. but why there?

[Beec]

Address those questions later. You both have some things you need to handle, but you need to see if he will be there first.

[kathyk]

well he did bring my things to me. he was not angry like before. this time he gave my things to me and didn't say anythng about the fight. so i did not either.we didn't say much of anything. he ask if i still had his toothbrush. i told him no that i gave it to him the other morn (at 4am.)

i didn't ask him in i let him stand outside while i dressed to go out to get some of his things out my car. i went to the back of home to put ladder up and when i came back he was gone. he didn't even bother to ask if he could carry the ladder around back for me. could he be ashamed for the argument or is it really over this time. it was a bad scene. i didn't press any conversation and he did try to say much. but he wasn't all angry and yelling at me like before. is this good or bad??? he didn't call before he came over either. just showed up.[/b]

[kathyk]

4th of july really went bad. i had a really bad fight with him. he came back to me. i did make changes only to fall back into same rut. he wouldn't make changes. so i fell. i have lost him for sure this time. he has returned all of my belongings. never did this before. he called me yesterday and was very nice and said he had received my voice mails from monday on wednesday. he had not used his phone. he said i wasn't ignoring you. then turned around and said don't call me anymore. then asked me about if i was going to see someone i had only dated twice while we were apart from jan to mar. he has a drug and alcohol problem. it seemed that the drug problem left while he was with me. but not the alcohol. then i started on alcohol only to mess up the relationship badly. he told one of our friends that i was a b==== and he would have to find a new place to live and a new piece now. i feel horrible. i tried to apologize and he got mad. he was in the wrong also. so i left it at this. if he wasn't ignoring me and questioned about chris then what difference does it make what i do at this point to him? i will do the nc thing again. he said we have tried three times and he will not go into this relationship again. he said there is no you and me anymore. i am jumping around cause i don't know where to begin.