Anything to get her back. Advice please!

[jxs]

So this will be a long one. I'm going to try to condense our relationship as much as I can. I want to give a detailed background so you guys can give me some solid advice. Thanks in advanced.

 

So this girl liked me in grade 9. I liked her best friend. We were both really shy, so she would help me in my quest to getting her best friend. I ended up getting rejected, and this girl would comfort me. It was no biggie getting rejected, I didn't really feel anything and just moved on. Throughout highschool, this girl and I became close friends, talking on MSN all the time for hours and I'd spill everything about my life to her and vice versa. I had a crush on a bunch of girls back then, and she'd always be like "ya, ask her out. don't be afraid, etc", very supportive. I always thought to myself, "she probably likes me, if I never end up with anyone, she could probably be my backup". During a school dance, she came over and asked me to dance. I said no because I have always been kind of a jerk to her, a playful kind of mean (like making fun of her mildly etc). We ended up dancing. That night, we got home and talked on MSN, and I told her how the whole time at the dance, I was unhappy because the girl I liked was dancing with this other guy the whole time. Years later, she tells me she had the best night of her life, and then my comments after made her very sad because I didn't really mention our dance together. In grade 12, she sometimes came into one of my classes because our teacher was really relaxed and we always had parties. She would come visit her friends, but the whole time I'd be flirting with the girl I liked. With one semester left, this girl told me she liked me because I refused to talk to her unless she told me (she guessed who I liked at the time, and being a playful jerk, I demanded to know who she liked). She ended up telling me she liked me, and I said "Ok we'll talk about this tomorrow" because I didn't really like her, but then I thought I'm probably not gonna get anyone else so we started dating. We went out with her friends a few times, and then the two of us kind of secluded ourselves from everyone else. We spent every weekend together, just the two of us. We made it to all her friend's major get togethers like parties, but most of the time it was the two of us. First year was great, we never fought and we were just happy to go watch TV at her place. We are both pretty traditional, and we are both each other's first bf/gf. A little over a year in, we had minor fights. This also was when we left for university, long distance relationship. We tried to meet up every weekend as best we could, and we talked everyday. She got angry at me sometimes because instead of talking to her, I'd rather go play videogames. At this time, I felt I wanted her less and less, even contemplating breaking up with her. We survived first year, but we had one or two really bad fights. One was because she could only come to my university for a day, and I said I'd rather not see her that weekend instead of just one day. I ended up calling her that night and asking her to come, and she did. She told me that was the first time we had a real bad fight, and she couldn't look at me the same way after. We went through the summer, even going away together to Hong Kong, just the two of us. During that summer, I had summer school, and she'd tag along and wait for me outside while I was in class to keep me company on my hour drive to and from my class. We fought more and more, sometimes about really petty things. She told me about the incident about that one night thing, and told me how it took her almost half a year to get over it. She revealed that whenever we fought, she'd tell herself that it was out of anger that I say what I say and that it is not me myself. She would push things to the back of her mind and not think about it. She asked me what my opinion was about her becoming a soph 2nd year in university. A soph is someone who lives in residence with first year students to help them get used to university, and she would have to plan events and have meetings and floor dinners, etc. She promised everything would be the same as the year before, as she will have less school work. I said no, and got mad, and asked why she would rather spend time with strangers than more time talking to me. We fought over this constantly for about 4 months. Second year rolled around, and we were still surviving. She began being a soph, and I kept being an jerk. I would make comments like "you aren't back from your meeting yet?" 5 minutes after she left. She distanced herself from me, to the point were we fought everytime we talked. I said out of anger lets break up. We ended up not breaking up, as I said it was a threat out of anger. A few days later, another fight happened, and she said lets break up. I went to her university that weekend even though she didn't want me to. I got there, and waited outside her residence for an hour because she was at a floor dinner and forgot her phone. She treated me very cold that night, and we talked about what would happen to us. I said I don't want to break up, and she said we'll talk in the morning. In the morning, she said we're breaking up, and somehow I got her to try it one more time. I went to class with her, and it seemed things were ok (though I sensed she was a little distant). Two weeks later, it was her birthday. She initially wanted me to come, but then a week before she told me I can't because it would make her sad and ruin her birthday. I was furious, and got to the point where I swore at her. She ended our relationship then. That weekend, I asked her to come to talk. I tried to repair the damage. She said to me that she could come back into my arms easily, but she didn't want to put herself through the pain again. She said she still cares for me, but does not want to be hurt anymore. A week later, I asked her again, and she said no. I went NC for a bit, but broke it within a week. I tried LC. The problem with LC was that she was never online, and she would never reply to my messages. It seems she disappeared off the face of the earth. She told me that she doesn't want to date me because there is no foundation. She said maybe we should try being friends again first and then we'll see. I got mad because I was trying to be her friend, and she was never there. How am I supposed to be her friend if I could never reach her? And on faceook, she would leave her friends messages, and I would get none. A "hi" would be nice. I went NC again. I did check her facebook periodically (I know I shouldnt have), and it seems she was having so much fun with her friends, and she was so happy without me in her life. I noticed she began to change, from the messages she would leave her friends. They were always followed by "I miss you!" or "I love you!" and stuff (as a friend, not because she loved the person and wanted to be romantic with them). After 2 weeks, she sent a text saying "I know you dont wanna talk to me, but how are you doing? and good luck with your exams". I didn't reply. A month passes, and we both finish our exams and go home for Christmas. I unblock her on MSN and talk to her. She doesn't reply. I call her and then she says "I'll talk to u on MSN". We talk, everything seems fine. She doesn't fully trust me, and I know because I know she became the VP of her residence for next year, but she didn't mention that when I asked what's new. The next night, I try to message her again. No answer. At around 1:00 at night, I drove to her place and threw sticks at her window. She let me in, and I gave a big speech about how I had changed and I know she is the one for me and I love her and need her. She says "I'm still not ready. It's not fair for us to get back together if I'm not going to be 100% into the relationship." She says what she said a month ago, about not being able to jump into a relationship, and how we aren't even friends now. That night we talk on MSN and she says she'll try to check her MSN more often. 2 days later, she has not replied on MSN after I've said hey for about 5 times. She is always appear offline, so I don't know when she is actually on, or not. Last time when I went to throw sticks at her window, she was in her room, and she did not reply to my MSN messages. I'm 100% sure she was on her computer, because all she has in her room is a bed and a laptop.

 

I am willing to do anything it takes to get her back, but it seems like nothing has improved since our breakup. She says she wants to be friends, but I cannot even get a conversation in with her because she is never around, or as I suspect, ignoring me. She hasn't asked me to give her space or anything, and she says she DOES want to be friends. I am really trying here. It's been three months since our breakup, and I have no appetite and and constantly lying in my bed. I have no motivation to do anything. I know these are common symptoms of breakup, but it's been 3 months. She is fine, and is always going out. She said it's because the last few months of our relationship, it was already as if we had broken up so she got a head start on me.

 

I need advice please. If you need any clarification or more info to give advice, I would gladly expand. I gave a bare minimum here and it's still pretty long. Sorry about that.

[UCLAMike]

ok slow down dude. honestly, we need a cliff version of your story so we can understand it better.

[SighSob]

Do you really love this girl, dude? It appears to me as if you're trying to get her back for the wrong reasons...

[jxs]

I do love her. Before I dated her because I felt like it was my only chance, but I ended up falling for her. I love her so much and I miss her so. It's been three months and I still feel as bad as if we just broke up.