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This is like torture.


zenbabyk

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I knew when we first started dating that I would have to say goodbye to him on December 15th. I knew that we were going to be together on borrowed time.

What I didn't know was how strong of a connection we would share.

I never thought saying goodbye to him was going to be this hard.

 

I really didn't think that he would cry. We sat there at a restaurant in the airport for about 2 hours in almost silence. We tried to laugh and make jokes, it was almost too hard to make eye contact because everytime we stole a stare, tears would form.

 

I stayed awake in bed the night before I took him to the airport and wrote him a long letter telling him how he has effected my life, and how much I love him and how I will forever miss him. I gave it to him in the morning and told him not to read it until he was on the plane.

 

At the restaurant he decided to write me a letter, and when I glanced over at him while he was writing it, he was sobbing. I know this sounds terrible, and I hate to see him sad, but I'm a little bit happy that I touched his life in that way.

 

Time was not on our side that day, the hours passed like minutes, and before I knew it I was kissing him goodbye. We were both shaking and sobbing, and we didn't even care who was watching. He told me he had never felt this way about anyone and that he didn't even know if he could leave.

 

As I walked away I couldn't even look back. I knew he would be looking, but I just couldn't look back incase he wasn't. It was like torture.

 

I cried all the way to my car, and once I finally got into my car I started balling. This was the worst pain I have ever put myself through in my whole life. I had never had to say goodbye to someone I loved so much, and had them love me back, but I couldn't be with them anymore.

 

When I got home he called me and we decided that we were going to read our letters and then call eachother after we had read them ( He still had an hour to kill before he could actually board his flight)

 

Our letters were almost identical, it was scary.

 

Turns out his flight ended up being canceled so, I picked him up and time decided to be on our time, I had another 12 hours with him.

 

It was so surreal, I hadn't slept the night before, and I went another 12 hours without sleep again, I still think that I had been dreaming that I saw him again.

 

Taking him to the airport the second time around was a lot easier, no tears were shed on either party this time.

 

I think it's because we have more comfort in knowing how we both truly feel.

 

I love that boy. I hope we will be together again someday soon.

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He is moving back home to Brazil. He lived here for a year for his career, and is moving back to Brazil for the holidays, and then in mid January he is either off to Germany or Miami, Florida.

(I'm stuck back in stupid Minnesota.)

 

I would move to Miami to be with him in a heartbeat.

 

We have been off and on since early July, but offically together since Nov.

(We practically lived together since November 1st, until the day he left)

 

It's sooooooo hard to fall asleep by myself. But I'm going to take this time to date myself, because I know he is the one for me. If you have been following my posts you know that this boy has put me through hell and back, and we have had more than our share of obstacles.

He told me that he tried so many times to push me out of his life because he knew how much he loved me, and he knew how hard it was going to say goodbye to me. I had never seen him so sad when he was telling me this, he told me he was so sorry for all the fights we ever got into, and that he hurt me. He said he was just trying to protect us from hurting when he left.

 

I would do it all over again, and he insured me that our story will continue.

 

I miss my baby.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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