Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I don't know what's wrong with me but lately I've just been sexually frustrated. I'm still a virgin at 22 & I always had good morals and wanted to wait until I'm married for sex but it's just seems unbearable to wait that long. It seems as if my urges have increased lately to the point where touching myself is not enough. I'm sort of ashamed to say this but I really want to explore my freaky side & sexual side more. I know this may make me sound like a * * * * but I don't know. The thought of casual sex doesn't sound as bad to me now. I've been doing a lot of things that get me off. Taking photographs of myself nude and posting them on websites and it gets me off to know men are turned on by me. Actually going on webcam with random strange men and getting nude and watching them get nude in front of me. I'm even actually tempted to start meeting men off the net for casual sex. I know it's irrational and I know the risk of stds and pregnancy but I think something is wrong with me. It seems like sex is all that occupies my mind lately and I don't want to turn into something that's out of my character. I want the real thing, I just want to explore my sexual side more.. I don't know. I currently don't have a friend or a boyfriend to do these things with... Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Is there some reason you aren't dating the old fashioned way? Link to comment
Raistlin Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I think that you're more excited about the prospect of it all. The reality of being with someone far outweighs the fantasy of it. Find yourself a good, healthy guy (bf or fwb) to start exploring with. Doing it the way you're describing is very dangerous, STD's and pregnancy aside. You could meet with some guy who isn't interested in just 1 hook up... or takes things too far. Or you decide at the last minute it's not something you want anymore, and this guy has no idea what your boundaries are and doesn't respect you. Just remember that there are better ways to go about exploring this side of yourself, and it's very important to do it safely. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Is there some reason you aren't dating the old fashioned way? I simply can't find a boyfriend or find anyone interested in me for one thing.. It's been a long time since I had a relationship and what's funny was. When I was dating, I never gave into the sex. Even when my boyfriends wanted it because I always wanted to wait for the right person and until I'm married. Now that I want it, it just seems I'm having bad luck in the dating department. I don't remember the last time I actually had a boyfriend. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I simply can't find a boyfriend or find anyone interested in me for one thing.. It's been a long time since I had a relationship and what's funny was. When I was dating, I never gave into the sex. Even when my boyfriends wanted it because I always wanted to wait for the right person and until I'm married. Now that I want it, it just seems I'm having bad luck in the dating department. I don't remember the last time I actually had a boyfriend. Go get one. You will have so much more fun than an empty sex-only relationship. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 I think that you're more excited about the prospect of it all. The reality of being with someone far outweighs the fantasy of it. Find yourself a good, healthy guy (bf or fwb) to start exploring with. Doing it the way you're describing is very dangerous, STD's and pregnancy aside. You could meet with some guy who isn't interested in just 1 hook up... or takes things too far. Or you decide at the last minute it's not something you want anymore, and this guy has no idea what your boundaries are and doesn't respect you. Just remember that there are better ways to go about exploring this side of yourself, and it's very important to do it safely. I wouldn't mind finding a FWB now.. It's just hard to find one. I just can't go up to a guy and be like.. Hey do you want a FWB.. It would just seem awkward to me. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Go get one. You will have so much more fun than an empty sex-only relationship. Like I said easier said than done, it's kinda hard for me to find someone that's interested in me these days and I've always been a shy person. I've never been aggressive in getting a man. I've always had men come to me, but lately that's just not happening.. Link to comment
Raistlin Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I wouldn't mind finding a FWB now.. It's just hard to find one. I just can't go up to a guy and be like.. Hey do you want a FWB.. It would just seem awkward to me. The thing about a FWB is that you have some form of pre-existing relationship (in most cases). Having a full-fledged relationship is much better for exploring certain things because that person will respect you and your wishes, wont try to force anything on you or stop when needed, and wont just leave after sex. I can say that even as a guy, I wouldn't want to just have sex for the sake of it. I want it to mean something. Some people are OK with meaningless sex... I'm not. And I'm not having any luck in the gf department, so I know what you mean. It's not easy having an incredibly high sex drive and no release. Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Like I said easier said than done, it's kinda hard for me to find someone that's interested in me these days and I've always been a shy person. I've never been aggressive in getting a man. I've always had men come to me, but lately that's just not happening.. Join a volleyball league or any other mixed adult sport for fun. Link to comment
g84 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Hmm, this is tough. I know that you're free to do what you like in the end, but i would advise you to not get involved with random people that you meet through the internet. It sounds really risky in many ways. Even though you physically feel the urge to do sexual things, it's possible that in reality you may walk away feeling regret after doing it with someone that you aren't in a real relationship with (in your case it sounds like that is what you normally would have wanted). But i see how having these feelings can be hard as well. I can relate to you in the sense that i want to be doing things too, but my desire to do it with someone i care about is what is more important for me personally. I guess i would just advise you to think about how this would all affect you if you decided to go for it and do it with people you meet on line or a random person you met anywhere in general, or even a guy friend. Be really careful. I believe it's worth it to wait for the right time and a person you really want to be with. Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I don't think it is unusual at all that as you get older and mature that your budding sexuality wants expression and that you are experiencing this type of desire.. What I do find interesting is that you enjoy so much online interaction, as if that is a way to have an outlet without having to really be with someone. Since you are a virgin, I would take care in who you actually do the deed with for the first time. The first time can impact a woman greatly or not, depending on your state of mind, your views on sex prior to marriage, and your comfort level with your own sexual desires. I don't think you are an addict, I think it is natural to have these feelings, but I think the online stuff may be skewing your perception of sex and provides you a safe way to be sexual without any real connection, and keeps you very horny wanting the real thing. I don't feel sexual desire is something a person should feel shame around, but if you do, take care on how you act these things out. You waited this long for a reason, so don't let lust drive your choices, try to stay true to what you believe, your values, and what is really good for you...also be careful with the online stuff, it can be damaging if it gets out of control, and it is all fantasy, not based on reality at all. Sex in real life is a whole other deal... Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 That's the thing I know more than likely I'll pretty much regret it. I actually came close to sex because I did something dangerous a month ago. I actually met a man from the net I was talking to for awhile and we decided to meet at a mall. He suggested that we go back to his apartment and me not thinking, I decided to go. Good thing he was sane. So he started touching and kissing me & I got really uncomfortable. I knew he wanted to have sex with me.. so instead I decided to give him oral sex. Afterwards I felt pretty bad and I was shocked at what I did. I felt low and very dirty. This is not really like me and I don't know what's gotten into me. I've been also feeling pretty bored and lonely.. I notice that's when all of these sexual urges and wanting to be with someone kicks in the most.. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Meeting people off the net "just for sex" is very risky on many levels...just not knowing the person well enough to trust they were really tested for STDS, and not knowing if they are even a safe person to be around are the tip of the iceberg. I agree...having a full blown relationship is the best way to explore because it takes a lot of trust in the other person to really open up enough to be less inhibited to explore, and as a woman, I will say it is hard to "just have sex" and not have any feelings. What I would suggest to you is that there will be times whether you are before you have your first sexual experience or you someday find yourself in between having sex (you could be in between relationships, you could find a wonderful man and get married but he goes away for a job for 6 weeks, etc). The more you master yourself the more in control of yourself you will be whether you decide to wait for marriage or whether you merely just meet a guy you know has a lot of red flags that you are very attracted to and are able to talk yourself out of sleeping with him even if other parts of you want him bad. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 PS I was a virgin at your age. Hang in there - it will be worth it to wait either for marriage or for the right guy who you feel comfortable with. I wish I waited a little longer than I did - but horniness ended me up in a long term relationship where I overlooked red flags because the attraction was strong and the sex was great. I learned my lesson! Link to comment
g84 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 That was definitely a very risky and dangerous thing. Thankfully he didn't harm you, but it could have been a possibility as you realize. I think that maybe the fantasy of it all is what you are becoming excited about, but you realized inside that in reality it is not something for you to be doing. Since you say that these feelings also seem stronger when you are feeling down, maybe you have to focus a bit more on finding things that you love to do right now and having fun with close friends. Take care of yourself right now, and if these thoughts and feelings continue to affect you, you may be able to speak with someone (maybe a counselor) about them too. Link to comment
Ms.Lady Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 You're right.. I have to master and control myself it's just that I guess my hormones are out of control and it takes over my mind. I don't even think rationally. Link to comment
Creative Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 That's the thing I know more than likely I'll pretty much regret it. Just keep that in the back of your mind and think long term. Link to comment
Crush85 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I don't know what's wrong with me but lately I've just been sexually frustrated. I'm still a virgin at 22 & I always had good morals and wanted to wait until I'm married for sex but it's just seems unbearable to wait that long. It seems as if my urges have increased lately to the point where touching myself is not enough. I'm sort of ashamed to say this but I really want to explore my freaky side & sexual side more. I know this may make me sound like a * * * * but I don't know. I'm in your shoes as well. It's not something I'm proud of .. Link to comment
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