Sex after marriage?

[ensign_19]

Hi,

I am with a guy that is considerably older than me. I lost my virginity to him and it was totally unexpected. although i do not regret that it was him i lost it with. i feel very guilty about doing it before marriage.. he says he loves me and that i am the most special person in his life. I love him very much too and want to love him for the rest of my life.

 

However I do not want to have sex anymore until I am a married. Is this unreasonable or stupid to ask this of him? I have a feeling if i tell him this he might not want to stay with me anymore or might not want to wait till marriage. However i feel this would be a good test to see how much he really loves me. I will be grateful for any input.

Thank you.

[uncommital]

whats the age difference? I also gather you are 19?

[cobro]

Well I am guy who was in the exact same situation you are in, only it was last year. I was still a virgin and dating a girl who was a couple of years younger than me, but that didn't bother me. She had been with a few people before me, so she had more experience than I did. We were in love, at least I thought we were, so I made the decision to sleep with her and lost my virginity to her. Well at first I didn't regret it, it was great to feel that connection with her, it made both of us happy. But as time went on, my morals caught up with me and I wanted to stop having sex quite as much. I think it was the way I was raised, being taught that sex is something that is reserved for marriage. Well this caused her to pull away it seemed, and we didn't sleep together for like 3 or 4 months. After that, a few months later she broke up with me and got into a new relationship that was purely sexual based, the complete opposite of our relationship. This made me feel it was my fault for losing her, I couldn't keep her sexually satisfied due to my moral standards. So anyways, she stayed in that relationship for 5 months and then she ended it, and wanted me back. So stupidly I took her back and I was very cautious about sleeping with her again, I waited a month until she told me she loved me and was going to be with me forever, so it would be ok that we did it since we were going to be married someday. I took this to heart and ended up having sex with her and a few more times, but I just couldn't continue to do it because I felt I was abusing something that was special to me, and complicating the relationship. So I sat down and told her I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex again because all it does is complicate the relationship it seemed. She respected me for a few weeks then began to pull away again, and eventually broke up with me for good. Then less than a month later she hooked up with a guy, then a couple of weeks later she hooked up with another guy and they are dating now. So what is my point of this story? Personally, if he can respect you and your decision to not have sex and stick by you until marriage than he is worth your time. If he becomes like my ex and pulls away when confronted with the issue, then he is not worth your time. Its as simple as that my friend. I know it's a hard decision to make but if you believe that sex is complicating the relationship and being abused as just a physical act, then you have to make a choice. Good luck, hope this helped. BTW, now that she has left me and took my virginity with her, I'm left with a feeling of deceit and hate her for it. But I must move on and I know the next person I'm with will really love me and not be in it just for lust, like she was.

 

cobro