I'm worried that coming here makes me feel worst

[g84]

I think ena is a very helpful place, but i'm wondering if coming here is a bad idea for me. I deal with depression on and off, and i realize that ever since i've started coming here again i tend to dwell a lot more on things that i do not need to be thinking about right now. I procrastinate so much...it's my own fault, and it's my own responsibility to know when i'm doing something that is adding to my problems. I've gotten some really helpful advice here that i appreciate so much, so why do i feel more miserable.. I don't know what to do I feel like i'm using ena as an escape, because i have a lot of things that i've been avoiding doing. At the end of the day as i get into bed, i feel a huge weight on my chest. It's so weird..I'm usually used to letting my pain out with tears, but i haven't even been crying much lately...I don't know what's going on, maybe it's just building up inside of me I don't really have a clear question, i just needed to say what was going on. Maybe it's a good first step..i don't know.

[waveseer]

I felt that way for a few days and then realized I wasn't sharing and letting go of what was bothering me. Not saying you're the same but I had to open up to begin to heal.

[COtuner]

I relate to you g84. I'm in a place where I really need to say some things out loud but I'm afraid to do it, and I know it. My problem is that I am not ready for the negative side of ENA. I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with the blunt trauma side of advice or support, so I'm holding it in. And I have the weight on my chest, I'm not sleeping, I'm stressed and anxious, and it's more because of my own fear and insecurity than the problems themselves.

 

I haven't been able to cry - although I've needed to for a couple weeks now. Like you, it's unusual and I don't know why. Maybe denial....

[FloatingAnchor]

It goes in cycles for me. At first, I came to ENA because it made me feel better to know that the pain I was going through was normal. Then, I got a little better and it hurt to come on here and see that other people were in relationships. That was when I avoided ENA for a week or two. Now I'm back, still procrastinating, and also debating whether I should post for advice. I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do, so I feel that posting would be unnecessary. I also know that I'm not posting because there will probably be some answers I won't like.

 

g84, maybe you can take a little break from ENA, or set time limits for yourself. My friend remarked that I keep coming to ENA looking for answers, which I will never find because I won't post and because no two situations are exactly alike. I think he's right. I just end up spending vast amounts of time on here and still with no resolution to my internal conflict. You can try posting, as someone has suggested, or just try to not log on for a few days until you've dealt with the things that you say you've been avoiding (I'm assuming they're not related to the heartbreak. Otherwise, come on here and talk if you need to).

[mikeyboy22]

I know what you mean how it makes you feel worse sometimes. I tryto stay positive but I cant always.. im just glad I found this site because people are here for each other and like the title says, not alone. We arent alone we are all going through problems and need somewhere to talk about it, so im thankfull for this site it makes me feel bad to talk about my issues but it feels good to let it out.

[Grace]

I enjoy the venting, I overthink everything and once its written down, I can begin to move on from over analyzing it. Blunt advice tends to work well for me, it doesn't allow me to equivocate and make excuses, I find it motivating.

 

Plus, my feelings over my breakup have been essentially consuming, which makes me feel irrational and pathetic, its just a break up right? Not the end of the world. However, the way I'm feeling seems to be pretty universal, the relationship was significant, my feelings are not completely unjustified, my emotions can't just fade into oblivion in one month. Plus, a titch of schaudenfreude, there are people in much worse situations then I am, as much as I feel for their pain, it is a consolation for me, it could all be worse.

 

I'd say the only thing I find a bit defeating is how many people are still in incredible pain over their ex even after 6 months or a year, Its hard because I can't imagine feeling so much pain after so long. Its only been less then a month for me and already im exhausted. Although, its a painful realization that how I feel may not subside in the course of a year, its probably best to accept the reality of it now, so I won't constantly judge the amount of progress I've made. And of course, even if it hurts in a year, it will have subsided to a certain extent...

[sns256]

I feel the same way g84. It goes in cycles. I love reading and learning from others. But then I realize all of these things that I am not doing or haven’t done before. I try to keep the right frame of mind going into the sex and romance forum, because 99% of what is discussed in there I haven’t done and would very much like to.

 

I love this place because I get to learn a bunch from other people. I get to vent when I am frustrated, and I get to help people too. Writing down my thoughts really helps me figure out myself.

[crosstownTraffic]

*I wonder this myself g84... I cud of well written this very sentence: "I feel like i'm using ena as an escape, because i have a lot of things that i've been avoiding doing."

 

I also don't like the negative side of this site. I think moderators shud ensure people act "moderately", not flame people. I see alot of that on here, and so I also hesitate, when I have the worst problems to come here and post, cuz I've gotten alot of really mean-spirited responses to posts on serious problems.

Bad enuf that you have having a bad problem, let alone coming online and having some mean stranger pouring salt in an open wound.

That said, there's also some nice people here. Wish there were alot more..... it seems the internet is getting meaner and meaner these days.

But.. if you don't have a SO coming to a romance/sex forum is pretty disheartening too.. and then you get insulted to boot when you try to post a problem on another issue.

 

I wish I could find another website.. sort of like this.. but maybe not geared toward people so young.. like 15-25 seems to be the majority of the ages here, and not necessarily about relationships.. maybe just life in general.

 

I like the navigation of the site though... Another site like this.. maybe with slightly older adults, and one which you cud also chat with the member would be super!

[greensleeves]

*I also don't like the negative side of this site. I think moderators shud ensure people act "moderately", not flame people. I see alot of that on here, and so I also hesitate, when I have the worst problems to come here and post, cuz I've gotten alot of really mean-spirited responses to posts on serious problems.

Bad enuf that you have having a bad problem, let alone coming online and having some mean stranger pouring salt in an open wound.

That said, there's also some nice people here. Wish there were alot more..... it seems the internet is getting meaner and meaner these days.

 

Flaming, disprespectful posts and trolling are against the rules at ENA, so if you see something like this please use the "Report Bad Post" function to bring it to the moderator's attention, just in case they haven't seen it yet. The post will then be deleted or edited if it's obviously flaming/disrespect, but if it's a grey area it will be discussed among the mods.

 

People come here looking for honest and unbiased advice, so they aren't always going to receive "nice" or sympathetic responses and members are not necessarily going to give the OP advice they are hoping to hear. I agree that sometimes that can be difficult the read, but it isn't disrespectful to have a difference of opinion.

 

I can assure you that a great deal of care is taken by the moderating team to protect members from truly disrespectful posts and flaming.