Parents.. Problems.. Pfui.

[ay0_x]

Okay so I've already posted a thread about my relationship..

 

 

 

Recently, my mother found out about my relationship with my boyfriend. My neurotic, Muslim mother, did what any neurotic Muslim mother would do, and cried and screamed and ran around. If it wasn't so serious, it would be quite comical, but alas, serious it was..

 

I denied everything and told her there was nothing going on. Not because I felt bad about what I'd done or anything, but to save face and just to calm her down in general.

 

I told my boyfriend a relationship would be hard, and he was very upset, and basically said "If you loved me, you'd try for me". And I love him, I really do, but my parents are very traditional, and they give me more freedom than most muslim parents give their daughters. I'm allowed to work, I'm allowed to go to the occasional party, they're allowing me to go away for college next year.

 

Sometimes, sometimes I just wonder if my boyfriend is worth their trust, and really, more importantly to me, my freedom. I fought for my freedom. It took numerous bouts of running away from home to convince my parents to let me work. I fought hard, hard, HARD for the rights I have.

 

My boyfriend and I have fights every day.

 

Yesterday, for example, one of his friends called me a * * * * . Said that, even though I had a good reputation, I was an "undercover * * * * ". He said it in front of my boyfriend, my boyfriend didn't say anything.

 

It hurt pretty dang bad, not that I can't stick up for myself, but that my boyfriend just didn't say anything. So I asked him why, and he told me to stop being complicated, and I acted like a * * * * * to him, and he called me a * * * * * , and I said I was sick of him disappointing me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Sick of him doing things that guys just KNOW that they shouldn't do.

 

Breaking up would be so hard. He's in all of my classes. He sits next to me in each one, even if we've had a fight and he probably shouldn't. We're somewhat a 'glamour couple'- people love seeing us together. We look good together, no question. But it's so hard to be with him. He hurts me and his excuse is "you know i'm dumb". We've been together for a year and if we go a week without fighting it's likely one of us is comatose or something. He loves me, I love him, but it's so ridiculous

 

Help?

[odile]

Well, it sounds like he is a bit dumb, so i'll grant him that.

Not in a horrible way, mind you. You haven't really said anything that makes him sound bad, or cruel-- just a bit clueless.

 

You sound very intelligent and assertive, and it's important that right now you focus on all of the things that you have been fighting for. You just have to make it through this year until you'll be out of your parents house and in college.

 

My advice would be to tell the BF that you do care about him, but that as important as he is to you, college (and your future) is even more important. Tell him that you really want to remain close friends, but that if he wants anything else, he'll have to wait until next year when your parents won't be able to monitor you.

 

Tell him if he cares enough, he'll understand where you are coming from, and will be willing to wait for you.

 

(Basically, you can use your parents overprotectiveness in your favor, for once. It gives you a chance to step back and evaluate, and focus on what you really want).

[ay0_x]

"We look good together, no question." - physically good together, every other level...not so much. Just food for thought.

 

We don't have much in common but over the past year we've helped each other through a lot, we have fun together, intimately we're firecrackers, it's just these little problems that arise so often.

 

Well, it sounds like he is a bit dumb, so i'll grant him that.

Not in a horrible way, mind you. You haven't really said anything that makes him sound bad, or cruel-- just a bit clueless.

 

You sound very intelligent and assertive, and it's important that right now you focus on all of the things that you have been fighting for. You just have to make it through this year until you'll be out of your parents house and in college.

 

My advice would be to tell the BF that you do care about him, but that as important as he is to you, college (and your future) is even more important. Tell him that you really want to remain close friends, but that if he wants anything else, he'll have to wait until next year when your parents won't be able to monitor you.

 

Tell him if he cares enough, he'll understand where you are coming from, and will be willing to wait for you.

 

(Basically, you can use your parents overprotectiveness in your favor, for once. It gives you a chance to step back and evaluate, and focus on what you really want).

 

He isn't cruel, he's a really sweet guy, but yes, a bit clueless. I've tried using my parents' overprotectiveness, but he takes it very personally. His ex broke up with him because of her parents' overprotectiveness, and it killed him a few months ago when he found out she was now 'hooking up' with one of his best friends (he was already with me at the time, but he's just the type who takes a lot of things to heart, and it cut him really bad).

[odile]

You say that you fight with the guy every day. It sounds like a breather is definitely in order.

 

I'm assuming, too, that you would not be dating anyone else for a while (certainly not his friends!), anyway. Look, you're already halfway through the school year (aren't you?).

 

Maybe you could suggest not breaking-up, but that you both just cool it a bit for now.

 

 

 

Has he ever met your parents?

[catfeeder]

Your relationship with your parents is between you and them, not BF. He demonstrates zero recognition of that fact. He sounds like a manipulator, and he doesn't respect your family--or you. Someone who'd call you names is NOT worthy of your time, much less your relationship with your family.

 

Think about it--maybe your parents are overbearing because they sense in you the willingness to accept this kind of poor treatment from someone?

 

They are now giving you some freedoms and testing your discretion in hopes of preparing you to be away at school. I hope you'll decide to drop the disrespectful name caller and do them proud.

[ay0_x]

You say that you fight with the guy every day. It sounds like a breather is definitely in order.

 

I'm assuming, too, that you would not be dating anyone else for a while (certainly not his friends!), anyway. Look, you're already halfway through the school year (aren't you?).

 

Maybe you could suggest not breaking-up, but that you both just cool it a bit for now.

 

 

 

Has he ever met your parents?

 

No, he hasn't. My parents are the "IF HE LOVED YOU HE'D ASK FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE, HAVING A BOYFRIEND IS SINFUL AND EVIL" type.

 

I wouldn't be dating anyone else, but I'm afraid we'd be back at square one if we tried to take a breather, neither of us can go a few hours of being near each other without kissing or hugging.

[odile]

No, he hasn't. My parents are the "IF HE LOVED YOU HE'D ASK FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE, HAVING A BOYFRIEND IS SINFUL AND EVIL" type.

 

Too bad there's not an educational film for parents... when will they learn that the strictest parenting always inspires the most impulsive rebellion?

Maybe you can find statistics from the local catholic school. (joking)

 

 

I wouldn't be dating anyone else, but I'm afraid we'd be back at square one if we tried to take a breather, neither of us can go a few hours of being near each other without kissing or hugging.

 

Yeah, it's really no fun being chaste... but just think of how much more fun you'll have next year when you are FREE.

 

If he cares, he'll stick around and be your friend, and be willing to see what happens next (less than a year before you're out from under their thumb. If he can't wait, well then that's his decision).

 

Or, you could always suggest that if he is that serious, and does not find your parents intimidating, that he is more than welcome to call them and ask for your hand. That (or the prospect of that) should scare him into place!

[ay0_x]

 

Or, you could always suggest that if he is that serious, and does not find your parents intimidating, that he is more than welcome to call them and ask for your hand. That (or the prospect of that) should scare him into place!

 

 

Lmfao. Actually, I think I will do that, coupled with everything else you said. Thank you.