EX-need help so badly

[beco]

Just for those of you who don't know my situation I was with my ex for 5years didn't see her for 6 months then got in contacted got really close to her over the past 2 months but found out stuff that isn't good.

 

she had a boyfriend a month after me only lasted 2 months with him but she's obsessed with this guy in a really unhealthy way she hasn't told me but a close frind of hers has she keeps trying to contact him and he doesn't want to know yet at the same time she wants to be around me saying she loves being with me and that i'm her soul mate which is really crule if she still has feelings for this other guy.

 

I guess I want to know if it is really possible for someone to love someone that badly when you've come out of a long relationship? and how should I walk away from this it's so upsetting i love this girl so much but i can't cope anymore someone please help me

[The Morrigan]

It really sounds like you need to have a very calm heart to heart talk with her about what you've been hearing. It's doing neither of you any good to have it hidden so to speak if this is the case, she can't be at ease if she's torn between her feelings for two people and knows she's hiding it, and you can't rest easy until you know what the real facts of the matter are. I wouldn't take it as gospel truth from her friend until you speak to her, I don't know what the friend is like, she could have good intentions, or she could be prone to exaggeration and enjoy the gossip circle. Either way, you can't make any decisions with this hovering between you. Don't accuse or anything, just calmly tell her you've heard she's still interested in/has feelings for her ex of a few months ago, and if that's the case, you'd like to know what's up. If she confirms it, don't go off the deep end, hard as it may be - tell her while she's torn about her feelings you're going give her space to get her mind settled. Now, staying calm is going to be rough, but the calmer you can stay, the better. Just tell her frankly you want to be with her - but not when she's unsure of herself and her feelings for you and can honestly be sure it's you she wants to be with.

 

You can expect one of two things - either that'll be the reality check right there, and she'll insist she knows it's you she wants to be with and she was being stupid, or she'll accept what you say, though I doubt it'll be calmly, and take the time to evaluate herself.

 

I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear - but living in a relationship where you don't know where you stand, you're going to start letting your doubts and feelings spill into the relationship and end up sabotaging it if you don't get some resolution, and this is the kind of resolution that can only come from her.