During NC, respond to dumper's "Happy Thanxgiving" message

[fanox]

Hi there, people! This is my first post on this forum, and I want to express my appreciation for its existence! All of the communication happening here is great, and its awesome that people exchange feelings/advice/experience about the subjects related to relationship breakups! Keep it up and Thanx!

 

I'm a 23 years old male, and I just recently broke up with my girlfriend from 1 year. Even though there was no "official" break-up fight or conversation, I take the role of the dumpee, as I was the one with the desire to keep things together, and she was the one to ignore my last calls.

 

I've been in NC for about 1.5 months now and I'm finding it relatively "easy" to stick with! Ofcourse I've been checking out her activities on Facebook (until yesterday), and once we met on there and chatted for 3 minutes, but otherwise, I've not attempted to communicate with her.

 

During the relationship I was very supportive and "nice", always putting her in first place, before my family and work even. The funny thing is that I met her through my job. I was a pizza delivery driver and delivered pizza to her once. The second time she requested that I deliver the pizza to her, and when I did that, I stayed at her place for 2 hrs to meet her. So, as she has been saying numerous times, she was the one to fall in love, not the opposite. (that is of course quite irrelevant, since to me she was the "lil' goddess" as I used to call her)

 

We're both students, have part time jobs, and live in apartments in the same city. She now lives very close to my apartment, which makes random meetings very possible. Ha ha!

 

Anyways, by being too nice I meant to say that I never cared about how much I spend or do for her (and I have very little money, being an international student going to school). The money that I lent her (for a month's rent and a plane ticket) accumulated and was money that I relied on being returned, a sum that I couldn't just spend. Every day she would reassure me that she'll return it "tomorrow". For some time we lived on the "$5 available in my checking account" until I really had no money and only debt. I kept getting paid from work every Friday, but that money immediately disappeared because of the BIG money she owed me. I didn't talk about the debt everyday, but it was "in the air".

Finally, I asked for her action on the matter and she started ignoring my calls and texts. I've noticed that she's met another guy. I expressed the fact that I don't want her to hookup with other guys.(what a mistake ha!)

I went NC for about a week, and one Sunday I wrote her a 5-sentence letter saying that "I agree with us breaking up. Things have been going wrong between us for a long time now, and that's just the right thing to do. Here are your car keys and your t-shirt." In the letter I also said "... Forget about any money between us, and please loose any bank information you have about me, it's secure stuff. Finally, take care of yourself, and be well."

I went to drop her car key and the letter at her house, but she was there and I gave it directly to her. 10 mins later she called me and I didn't pick up.

 

It's been a month of NC since then, and two days ago on Thanksgiving, she sent me a text saying "Happy t-day boo!" I was with friends and didn't receive the message until later that night. I thought it's only appropriate and replied with "Happy Thanxgiving to you!" and that was all.

 

I said to myself that I will ignore any communication from her side when it happens and move on, but I thought that it was only polite and appropriate to wish her happy thanxgiving back. I think I did the right thing for myself. The only problem is that I was starting to get myself back and not think of her, when this little occurrence makes me resume thinking about her.

 

During this month of NC, I KNOW she's been seeing another guy and even having intimate relationship with him. I've been checking out her activities on facebook and I do really know whatsup. That doesn't bother me (as it did at first) but I just wanted to know how to interpret her thanksgiving message.

 

Also, just yesterday, while bored at work, I removed her as a friend on Facebook and Myspace, just to prevent myself from looking into her life from the side. I wasn't going to do it cause I thought it would show me as being mad at her or hating her, but I think this was the right thing to do for myself as I really dont want to know STUFF anymore.

 

Do you think removing her from my friends list is in any way wrong? I thought that we could be friends on there later again, it's easy to do. While we are not communicating though, there is no reason for us to be friends online.

 

Thanks for your input on my situation! Again, Thanx for keeping this forum running, cause it's really nice to have comrades!

[thatdoggirl]

I'd suggest not looking at her Facebook profile, etc. anymore because each time you look you keep reminding yourself of her and this guy and everything when even though you've done fairly good with NC you are still trying to heal and get you back. So it takes the focus off you. Same with when you texted her back about Thanksgiving. Yes, it's the holidays but they are no exception when it comes to breaking NC because either way breaking NC is a set back when you're still trying to let go.

[fanox]

Hey, thank you, guys! I appreciate the advise.

 

I do understand that NC means NC at all. An you're right, once I've responded with a little "Happy Thanxgiving" message, I'm once again in the game of bs'ing around.

 

On the side. I live with my sister and her husband at an apartment complex. I'm the only one of us with a job, and during my relationship with my ex, I was working very much, every day/night. My ex girl, then used to have this point with me that I am allowing myself to be pushed around by my family and I actually make enough money, it's just that I'm the only one who pays the bills. She used to see me as a pushover because of how I handle "my family's international status". I found this point very unappropriate and fudged up, and I've defended myself during those conversations. Now I see that it's stupid of me to defend or explain myself infront of her, when my family means so much to me (they are the people who will always be there, and not this superficial italian chick). But I also soon stoped even having conversations with her about it, I just didn't accept the topic, period.

 

Now, my question is: When we separated (ie. she started ignoring my calls) in the note i gave her (see original post) I let go of about $800+ that she owed me. I just told her to forget about it. For myself this was the right and rather more mature thing to do. I had enough of empty promises and asking for the money. Again, this is money that literally screwed up my recent life, but I'm actively working on putting things together with work.

By letting go of the money and not seeking legal actions (or talking to her parents who like me and would help), am I doing the right thing for myself? Again, it is very hard to make ends meet without "the green", but it will be alright with time.

Would you guys do the same thing? Would you put an end to it all and allow yourself to move on quicker, or would you try to step out of your ways, make a fool of yourself to get the money back?

Again, this issue is in the past, but I just want to know for the future, if I remain myself and keep treating people "I love" the same way, would I again be perceived as a pushoff because I'm not looking for the money back?

 

Thank you!