lonely and no friends

[david90]

Even though I am a very nice guy I have no friends. I can't remember when was the last time I made someone mad. It seems like most lonely people are nice people so what if I stop being nice? Could it slove my problem? There are jerks that seem to have all the girls and friends.

[lil_mamarains13]

Nope sorry it doesn't work that way. I used to be nice and I didn't have any friends and the ones I did have stabbed me in the back. I am not so nice anymore and it still hasn't changed. I know how you feel, and it sucks. I haven't figured out how to make friends either so I can't really help you. If you figure it out let me know.

[vfunkera]

hey guys,

 

Its interesting to know specifically what you mean by 'friends' True friends, people you hang out with- locally or socialising like chums and mates, or people in relationships (since you originally put this post in 'Dating and Shy People' forum).

 

At the end of the day you've got to remember everyone looks out for themselves. Unless they are absolute saints, then people will take advantage of you if it suits their needs. Friends are people to hang out with. Be nice and they will take advantage of you. Be unfriendly and you'll scare them away. Be yourself and you will be just fine. Find people who share your interests. Make yourself known. I have found millions of friends here because i am myself, and people like that. If you are shy then what excuse have people got to be your friend? Be nice, but have some self-pride as well. Look out for yourself while considering your 'friends'.

 

Back-stabbing, i've had alot of those. In times of need (i mean really serious need, not something simple) you will see who your friends really are. For example, when i unfortunately got into a fight, many of my 'friends' who were with me simply vanished to call the police instead of standing by myside. Another good time would be when in search of money. Watch 'As Good As It Gets' and you'll see. My brother has recently confirmed himself as the strongest guy in his school. Suddenly, he told me, there are loads of people trying to get to know him, and those are the people he shouldn't trust. Others will use you. They will do small things for you, and then out the blue ask for something major, and will expect you to give it to them out of 'friendship'.

 

True friends are rare. I have a only one or two out of the huge number of people i know who i can whole heartedly say i trust. Who won't take advatage of me. I didn't neccessarily find them, i simply met them being myself.

 

Hope that helps,

[FairyWings24]

Just be true to yourself. Right now it may seem like the girls want all the bad guys and stuff, but in a long relationship, they don't. We (I've talked to my others friends about this) want a guy that is honest, sweet, easy to talk to, trustworthy, and an overall good friend. If you're a nice guy, stay that way. Girls DO go for NICE GUYS....trust me!! So don't worry about it too much. Try to find people who aren't "evil" and "bad" and try to talk to them and become friends with them.

[MrKawabata]

Thanks FairyWings24 - AWESOME post! Thanks for that! Your post helped me a lot!

[1Adam12]

Hey David I suggest you go and listen to the song #1 by Nelly even if your not a Nelly fan listen to and also get a copy of the song lyrics..Live by the words to that song..it seems to help me

[Rossiya]

Eh just be careful when finding friends. I also have that same type of problem. I have friends just not very many who I can call true friends, where we share things in common, have fun without nonsense bs, and who I can trust. It takes time to build those tight knit friendships. Try and make it a goal to go meet 1 new person a week even if you dont hang out with them it will help you with socializing. It does feel that girls seem to find the jerks and dont appreciate the nice guys. Seems that they just want someone who is mindless its kinda frustrating but being yourself is the best way to go and not to be someone your not. Stick to your guns ! Good luck

[david90]

Hey David I suggest you go and listen to the song #1 by Nelly even if your not a Nelly fan listen to and also get a copy of the song lyrics..Live by the words to that song..it seems to help me

 

how will this help? i'll take a look later

[forumjunkie]

The best thing to do to win friends is put yourself out there, and the only way you can ever be comfortable in doing so is to realise that if you are closed and nervous in your body language then people will automatically feel closed and nervous with you- it doesnt matter if you dont click with someone you talk to, because if you dont, you will never talk again, no loss.

 

This is my full proof plan to win friends quickly if you dont have a group, without much hassle:

 

When talking to someone you don't know for the first time always shake hands, and tell them your name. They will naturally shake hands and tell them their name, and what you will notice is that they will imidiatly warm to you. Secondly, remember their name. I had a real difficulty with this, but I have developed a method for doing so: attribute an animal with the same starting letter as their name (it also acts as a nice conversation later). When you talk to people look at them, and do the same when they are talking, people become instinctivly paranoid when you dont look at them when they talk, and conversation will dry up.

 

When/if you meet the person again, remember the animal, and say "hi [], its [], we met []" and if you extend your hand again, the person will shake, immidiatly say "hi []", and if they are in a group you will immidiatly be part of it when you introduce yourself because the one person you met already will be "warm" to you and the group will seem relaxed with you there.

[david90]

great post forumjunkie. I think people do feel unconforable around me for some unknown reason. Not sure why. I'm normal looking with a nice caring and understading personality.