How qualified am I to give an advice?

[thePuma]

Let's not talk about me... suppose it's a friend of mine.

 

He has some problems, like bipolar disorder. Sometimes his mood and opinions change a lot. He is aware that he has no IQ nor EQ problems, he is sort of an almost-wonder boy. However, self-control and empathy are not his strongest areas. Or at least that's what he thinks. But since his opinions change, so does his own idea of himself. He's not very good at expressing in english either.

 

so....

In the middle of one of his lows, he joined this forum called "eNotalone" where, sometimes, he thinks, he is useful. In fact, during his lows, the only moments he feels happy, is when he feels helpful. He is NOT looking onto suicide, but he's not looking into life either. He seems to have forgotten about all the good things in life. He's basically just drifting away. Hoping that *something* will happen.

 

ok... SO....

the other day he came to me and said: "Man, sometimes I go to that forum and try to write a reply to someone's request for advice. But sometimes we don't get any feedback from our own advice and we don't know if we actually helped or just made things worse, or sometimes the advices are so completely different that I think, «Woa! I'm such a weirdo!»".

 

And he is basicaly right. How is he going to know if he is doing a good thing? He knows that members are supposed to respect each other's opinions and that no one will say "Dude! What kind of an advice is that? Are you an animal or something?".

 

GET TO THE POINT:

How can he be sure that he is actually helping someone? He knows that different opinions are important, so a person can choose from different advices, but he is unstable, he has problems on using his empathy (which is quite important while *reading* feelings and emotions), and he is not that great at english writing. He wishes he was a little less compulsive, but sometimes he just can't help on helping.

 

How does my friend know if he is qualified to give an advice on a certain subject?

 

Please don't tell him to seek professional help. He's still trying to get rid of his double personality disorder. He just wants to be helpful.

[avman]

Hello Puma,

 

Well of course your "friend" should know that all of us are here just to give advice from our own personal experiences. We aren't trained therapists or counselors. And we don't get paid for doing this. We all come here because we either need help, or would like to help.

 

We also can't force anyone to take our advice. All we can do is offer suggestions. Its up to them to decide what to do with it. Sometimes we make mistakes in our advice because we are human and we don't always have all the information we need. But thats ok, its just our opinion.

 

Your "friend" is doing a very good thing by helping others. Because we are all really brothers and sisters of one community - the human race. Its up to us to look out for each other and pick each other up when we fall down. If people did more of this kind of thing, the world would be a much better place.

 

Tell your friend - THANK YOU.

 

avman

[abcd1234]

Advice is advice, it doesnt matter where or who it comes from, the only thing that is important is that people take time out from there lives to show that they care about others.

I believe that every single person on this planet has the right to give and receive advice, it doesnt matter who they are, everyone needs help sometimes and it is exellent that there are people around who are willing to give it.

[Beec]

I went back and read some of the advice you have given recently, and I think some of it is good and could be helpful.

 

It is pretty clear from this and other posts that have experienced some difficult thigns to overcome. You have "experience", the best teacher in some ways because the lessons you learn are often the hardest.

 

And finally, you said all that you really needed to say in you last line:

 

He just wants to be helpful.

 

If you comment and try to give advice in to twenty different people, of which onyl ten accept your advice as possibly helpful, and only five attempt to use it, and only one does so successfully, then you will have helped someone. Sometimes you may do it and not know it, sometimes bad advice can be helpful, just because it shows someone cares. Kepp ti coming.

[Cid]

I have to agree with abcd1234 about advice is advice. But remember it helps if it is wanted but some times people dont want to hear it. But remember just be a good friend and tell them what you think.

[thePuma]

My friend would like to say: "a BIG thank you ALL".

 

I agree with what you all said, it's just that, sometimes, people are experiencing really strong and quite critical emotions that may not get through their words.

 

Sometimes I have to wonder if I'm not making anyone's life even worse by mistaking their real situation. It's nobody's fault but it's sad.

 

Guess that's just how life is. Tricky and incomprehensible.

 

You should all be nomitaded for some sort of Nobel prize...

[The Morrigan]

No matter what - getting someone's alternate view of your situation, even if all it does it make you think instead of emoting, helps. Most of us tend to post when our emotions have us in a loop of thoughts that are getting us nowhere fast - and ANYTHING the derails that, and starts real thinking, and a bit less panic, is helpful. You take a little of what everyone says... maybe not word for word, but generally, more people's opinions give a lot of different views, levels of experience, and different people who have been in different situations see things, well, differently. It's everyone contributing that helps, since no two people will ever see anything EXACTLY the same. Be at ease - anyone here, just the fact they're willing to BE here when they're in need themselves, says something, and something strong and good about them. Keep your chin up!

[thePuma]

Ok, I think I got it, and I know how important it is to have access to different viewpoints over one matter.

 

I just have to let not my rages or the wrong emotions go through the writing of whichever advice I give. Or let them affect the way I understand someone's problem.

 

That is one of my fears. Misunderstandings are such a dumb reason for pain.

 

Thanks