redrose85 Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 But I tried. Here it is Examination Room Tick tock Veins pop Tick tock Fingers walk Tick tock Minds bend Tick Tock Words penned Tick Mouths gape Tock Pens scrape Tick Paper crumpled Tock Students Humbled Tick Tock Nails bitten Sentence written Tick Tock Faces frown Pens down It won't let me do the layout that I want here, but it looks better on Word. Link to comment
Beoslasher Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I can't recall the many times I've been there. Time seems to fly by so fast for me when taking an exam, and too slow sometimes too =) This poem made me smile big Very nicely done! ^_^ Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 You know what? This makes me soooo glad that I am no longer in school (though I want to go back) but to face this? You really captured the whole essense of it. It really feels labored (not the poem, the imagery), and just right! And I feel for you about the rhyming, but you got it working. Well done! Link to comment
redrose85 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 You guys really think so? I'm so discouraged after getting only B's on my poems, the teacher's style and mine don't mesh, so I'm doubting myself now. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Yes, I think it really is a strong piece. Though I have to hand it to you -- first, I cannot rhyme on command, so that is very hard unless you are a born rhymer (and I actually do think like Benedict in Much Ado About Nothing "I was not born under a rhyming planet"! ..unless I'm truly inspired.) And second, style and taste are so personal, it would be hard for me to write poetry for grades. I'd much rather stay with the writing/critique circles where you can get many different viewpoints... So that's a toughie... Your poems are quite strong though, rose! One thing that really spices up my poems you might experiement with is creating ususual mixtures of verbs, using less-known verbs...or the standby of switching senses around like "hearing a jabbing sound" or "tasting something loud" to create a sense of surprise. Those are some of the things I like to play with a lot, but to then get that to rhyme as well can be tough. Remember, this is just one professor, too. One opinion, even if she's a prof. Art is nothing if not subjective. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Share Posted October 28, 2008 Thank you TOV I love your twisted use of verbs there. Jabbing sound... very cool Thank you as well Beo Link to comment
hodgo Posted October 31, 2008 Share Posted October 31, 2008 i can so relate to this. i actually just did my year 12 english exam this morning. came on here to chill a bit. Link to comment
brando Posted November 1, 2008 Share Posted November 1, 2008 rhyming isn't essential for poetry,you did a good job in your poem. I found rhyming usually limits you to word choice, which isn't always a bad thing either but sometimes the word you want to use wont fit due to a rhyming scheme. Also remember to show the reader instead of telling the reader. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted November 2, 2008 Author Share Posted November 2, 2008 For this assignment, we had to rhyme. Next one we have to write a song. eek. Link to comment
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