Rant.

[solariseclipse]

I find myself comparing my own life with the lives of others and seeing how great everyone else's life seems to be. I sometimes wish that I was would be able to live a life of people I've envied to see exactly how their life compares with mine.

 

My life feels empty at the moment, out of love, out of direction; almost as if I'm lost. I'm surrounded by great friends and family who have come a long way to support me, and sometimes I wonder if I feel the way I do because I take them for granted.

 

When I see people happy in pictures, I always wonder if it's all real, or just an act put on to show everyone else how happy they appear and they feel the way I do deep inside.

 

I was so emotionally guarded for the past year, so protected from harm. But now all of a sudden I've broken down to a weakened state. For the past year, I learned not to love, but to conserve. I learned not to express, but to suppress. I learned to survive in solitude, but now I crave something greater. I want to feel again.

 

-Victor.

 

P.S Listening to "Home" by Michael Buble

[Maelstrom X]

Your instincts are right...a few happy people and alot of misery! You are on the verge of greatness mortal...your alienation will give you powers most can't conceive of...now blaze your own path.

[greensleeves]

II was so emotionally guarded for the past year, so protected from harm. But now all of a sudden I've broken down to a weakened state. For the past year, I learned not to love, but to conserve. I learned not to express, but to suppress. I learned to survive in solitude, but now I crave something greater. I want to feel again.

 

It sounds as though you're getting past whatever it was that caused you to withdraw during the past year. If you want to feel again, you'll have to stop suppressing and living in solitude. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable sometimes, finding happiness means taking chances. It's very safe to withdraw from others...no one can hurt you that way. It's also easy to never take any chances in life...there's no risk of failing. But without taking those risks, you're living an unexplored life and losing out. Bad things can happen to everyone, but you have to take that chance in order to experience the good.

[coolgurl]

I feel your pain. I am going through the same. I always wonder what the real meaning of "happiness" is when I see a couple walking hand in hand in a mall, looking at my friends pics..all happy together. I am not jealous of any of those, at times I am angry, other times I don't understand completely. I like to be isolated and either sleep, cry, or do nothing....some day the bad phase will be over and you will be living your life again! God bless you..