Handbags and suitcases.

[Syntax1985]

Baggage. we all moan about it. we've all dealt with it, and we all have it.

 

my question is how do you deal with it? what difference does it make to you and what is baggage to you?

 

as ive mentioned the thought of getting with a girl, and i have to clear up someone else's mess is completely off putting to me.

 

example she says "i don't wanna get to serious and i want to take things slowly because my ex cheated on me and im not ready for anything serious just yet." -

 

now yeah i should be understanding and i should be supportive, but when truth comes to truth i feel like im being punished for some jerks actions. that's not me i wouldn't cheat, so why should i be robbed of what i want from a relationship?

~~~

 

just some rants here, i wanna hear peoples examples of dealing with, thoughts

of and how they've felt to be the baggage carrier in situations.

[babysunshine]

You're not being robbed from it, you just have to take things a little more slowly and do a little more reassuring so she feels comfortable and gets to know you. Yeah, it sucks but the only pure, semi-bagagge less relationships are when its both people's first ones. After that it's a sh**-show!

[Syntax1985]

You're not being robbed from it, you just have to take things a little more slowly and do a little more reassuring so she feels comfortable and gets to know you. Yeah, it sucks but the only pure, semi-bagagge less relationships are when its both people's first ones. After that it's a sh**-show!

 

lol i agree mostly with what you said. i know i seem shallow in my views, but what about the semi pure thing makes alot fo sense, as i was saying to ready2heal earlier i kind tend to always go for 19/20 year olds, and thats prob why.

 

what about you tho? ever dated a guy with "baggage" ? what happened etc?

[Trooper5]

haha shi*-show! That's an instant classic.

 

Everyone has baggage. You have to learn how to deal with it on an individual basis. You need to figure out if she is over her ex or still in love with him. There are a TON of people out there who you could feel an instant attraction to. If you're starting a new relationship and are already concerned about her baggage, I would suggest moving on.

 

When you meet someone who totally blows you away to the point that their baggage is just an after thought that is who you should focus on.

 

Personally I would rather a woman tell me right up front that her ex cheated on her and that she wants to take things slow. You know exactly where you stand. Communication is the basis for any healthy relationship. Good luck man, Troop.

[Syntax1985]

Personally I would rather a woman tell me right up front that her ex cheated on her and that she wants to take things slow. You know exactly where you stand. Communication is the basis for any healthy relationship. Good luck man, Troop.

 

thats a really good view troop ty for your input.

[Syntax1985]

haha shi*-show! That's an instant classic.

 

completely agree, babysunshine has just entered the official oxford dictionary, maybe not now, but in years to come , at some point, that will be there.

 

right above shi*-shower

[babysunshine]

If you must know, Im known for coming up with classy, eloquent sayings such as sh**-show to describe certain situations...

 

but yeah like Trooper said I would love it if the guys I was interested in dating could just come out and warn me right from the bat what their "baggage" was and I wish I could do the same but reality is most people don't. People put up fronts and play games and all sorts of other stuff and by the time you realize what the baggage is that they are carrying you're too involved. I guess like Troop also said, if the person is worth it you will be willing to deal with whatever baggage they have!

[babysunshine]

I don't know how old you are and while you may get the minimal baggage from these 19/ 20 year olds, you also get minimal maturity,experience, and substance. (But then again I might just be bitter that my exboyfriend who is almost 30 is dating a 19 year old) =)

[Trooper5]

One of my best friends in the world who was killed in Rawijah Iraq last year was 31 years old and was constantly tormented by 18 to 20 year old woman. Now, before anyone rakes me over the coals I am not saying EVERY 18/20 year old woman is like this. The woman he dated didn't know what they wanted out of life and made alot of bad decisions. My bud would always seem to go for the young woman. Everytime he met a new one I would warn him about the last 5 he was involved with. It's a semi-concurrent theme with guys in out unit who date woman in that age group.

 

Woman in their early 20's, late teens are just coming into themselves and trying to figure out who they are and what they want to do with thier life. You may want to look at dating woman in their early 30's.

 

Myself personally, I refuse to date a woman that young. I would rather date someone in my same age range as we both generally have the same baggage.

[Syntax1985]

im just turned 23

 

ok so you both say "it would be nice..", lets put that into a situation -

 

me - "hey baby sunshine, great to see you, wow you look great

you - "hey syntax, ty thanks for inviting me out tonight"

me - "thats cool , lets go grab something to eat, oh wait...

you - " whats wrong?"

me - "sorry just before we start i gotta tell you, my last ex cheated on me and i dont

feel like im ready to commit to anything serious at the moment, i think we should

take things slow, i really like you but im to worried youll repeat her mistakes. and

to be honest im not ready to let myself trust you."

you- "thats ok i complety understand now lets go get soemthing to eat

me - "thanks for understanding

 

reality = not gonna happen

[babysunshine]

EXACTLY! It would be nice but............. it's never gonna happen right? so just deal with it!!!! Everyone has it. or just date 18/19 year olds =P

[Syntax1985]

you right, but i don't agree its hard to explain, maybe im just not mature enough i guess. lol.

to be honest im bored of younger girls, like troops said 90% of the time they don't know what they're doing. and god the ones that do.. they anoy me even more lol.

 

ugh i don't know what i want.

[Trooper5]

Syntax. That isn't how you do that. Here is how it is. When I meet a new woman I am interested in I tell her my baggage right up front. You don't need to tell every woman your baggage on the first date. Tell her your baggage when you realize she is someone you could have a serious relationship with.

 

Now, the plus to some of my baggage is she can travel if she wants to. I would say something along the lines of, "Hey, I think that we both have a mutual attraction to each other and I need to let you know some stuff right up front. I am attached to my job and at times I am gone for 6 to 12 months at a time. I can make time to get away to meet you so we can spend time together if you don't mind to travel."

 

That is how and when I would put my baggage out there. You're 23 bro, I think your worrying too much to be honest.

[Syntax1985]

maybe your right, i dunno, gone a bit off topic lol. i just feel like ive tried a bit of everything and nothing seems to be working, yeah im 23, i wanna have kids when im like 30, that's like 7 years to find someone i could actually stand for the rest of my life, and at the moment im not having much luck. tried ages groups ive tried different meeting places, different areas u name it... and really i do feel down and gutted when i get told my interactions with someone will be based because of what someone else did. i mean it feels like im throwing myself out there and all im hitting are barriers.

[waveseer]

So strictly speaking it's not an age it's a maturity level. People who've lived a more difficult life aren't necessarily the ones with nastiest scars or open wounds. In fact, the more a person has had to overcome the stronger they are generally.

[Syntax1985]

So strictly speaking it's not an age it's a maturity level. People who've lived a more difficult life aren't necessarily the ones with nastiest scars or open wounds. In fact, the more a person has had to overcome the stronger they are generally.

 

yeah i think your right, like you said, you've been through alot but when u date someone none of that comes into play. so i guess in that situation its your strengths.

 

hell i would love someone further down the line into a relationship that feels they can tell me anything and open up, and vise versa, just at first you kinda want that excitement period.

[Trooper5]

You do realize that most people meet the person they fall in love with when they are not looking for anyone? At least that's how it seems to happen to the people around me.

 

I think your putting WAY too much pressure on yourself.

[waveseer]

yeah i think your right, like you said, you've been through alot but when u date someone none of that comes into play. so i guess in that situation its your strengths.

 

hell i would love someone further down the line into a relationship that feels they can tell me anything and open up, and vise versa, just at first you kinda want that excitement period.

 

I think they're telling you to try and explain why they can't just jump in with both feet. You are getting clear signals just not the ones you want.

[Syntax1985]

You do realize that most people meet the person they fall in love with when they are not looking for anyone? At least that's how it seems to happen to the people around me.

 

I think your putting WAY too much pressure on yourself.

 

i hate being single tho, and i don't wanna just give up looking and hope one day someone will pop along, i know alot of the time it comes when your not looking, but what if it don't? i don't wanna become the guy that slept around alot in his 20's and lived alone for the rest of his life...

[Syntax1985]

I think they're telling you to try and explain why they can't just jump in with both feet. You are getting clear signals just not the ones you want.

 

i know ready, i just don't feel comfortable with it. i do understand, im not shallow or ignorant to these peoples feelings, but the same point, i want what's best for me as well.

[waveseer]

i know ready, i just don't feel comfortable with it. i do understand, im not shallow or ignorant to these peoples feelings, but the same point, i want what's best for me as well.

 

If you aren't comfortable that means they aren't suitable for you and it doesn't really matter why. If the girl picks you she might be more likely to be fully available.

[Syntax1985]

to be honest after thinking about it so much, im abit of an a*hole really arnt it?

i mean i try to justify it but your right, i shouldn't judge people so quick just coz they have a few problems. i just really want a great experience with someone i guess.

i dunno, this girl came up to me the other day =

previous thread

i actually contacted her and im staying round hers 2mo night, and its a rare one coz she came up to me and im so skeptikal about it.. im really thinking about not going.

[waveseer]

to be honest after thinking about it so much, im abit of an a*hole really arnt it?

i mean i try to justify it but your right, i shouldn't judge people so quick just coz they have a few problems. i just really want a great experience with someone i guess.

i dunno, this girl came up to me the other day =

previous thread

i actually contacted her and im staying round hers 2mo night, and its a rare one coz she came up to me and im so skeptikal about it.. im really thinking about not going.

 

No you aren't that, it's only natural to want the simplest relation possible. As a wise man once said, "Relax."

 

Remember, no expectations but do show up you never know.

[Syntax1985]

No you aren't that, it's only natural to want the simplest relation possible. As a wise man once said, "Relax."

 

Remember, no expectations but do show up you never know.

 

well its a night out in london i guess at the very least, something i don't get to do often il let ya know how it goes, and ty for letting me vent to you x

[waveseer]

np, I feel very fortunate to have had all of the experiences I've had so that when I'm heart sick I can offer some benefit to others and distract myself at the same time.