I'm so confussed!! Someone please help

[Philpo]

Hi everyone, i've been reading here for about 4 months now so i thought it was about time i finally posted! Sorry if this is a bit of a long one but please bare with me!

 

I had been going out with a girl for 2 and half years and we broke up at the beginning of October. We both come from the same town back home. I'm 21 and she is 18. The age difference was never really a problem, however for 2 of the years we were together i was at University and she was at college, over 200 miles away. We met and after 6 months of being together i had to move away.

 

At the end of September she began her first year at University as i began my final year, i thought everything was going great & was relishing the chance to go and see her and the new friends she would make. She is now less than an hr's drive away so i thought it would be brilliant to go and see her.

 

The first two weeks she was at University we argued quite a lot and things never went so well. She said she would call or txt message me and didnt. She would never make time for me. Then when i had finally said ok, i understand your making new friends, you had to go through it when i started, she said it was over. I was completely devistated, she had been the love of my life and i was hers. I didnt understand what had changed. At the end of the day you dont end a 2 and half year relationship because two weeks that went bad. She said we had grown apart and the only reason i could see for that was her not being in contact.

 

So to fast forward a little bit, i applied the no contact rule and didnt have any contact with her for the following couple months. Before i knew it was mid december and i would be coming home to our small home town for christmas. I knew she would be home from University as well so i was very worried about bumping into her. As far as i was concerned i didnt want to see her for a long time and i was still very angry with her.

 

Then something i hadnt planned happened. It was around the 20th of December when she got home to our town. I had been home a few days before her. She started talking to me on the Internet and i dont know why but i started to talk back. This was the first time we had been in contact since the break up. I dont know if it was being home again or the fact that it was christmas but it was really refreshing talking to her again and i started to feel happy. During the conversation she mentioned about meeting up for a drink while i was home. I dont know why but i agreed. It felt so good to be talking to her again.

 

So we met up. Things went really well and it was great to see her again. We saw each other throughout the holiday season and on one of the last days we were together we decided to go to the cinema. The day was amazing and at the end of the day we kissed. It felt so right but i was unsure what i wanted and i think she felt the same. The couple days after we continued to hug, hold hands and kiss which was strange but really nice.Then at the beginning of January she was off skiing so we didnt see each other again. She txt me and called and i thought that was really promosing as she said she was missing me.

 

I came back to University before she was back from skiing so i didnt see her again until last weekend (23/01/04). We had been talking a lot on the phone and the internet and decided that we missed each other. Last weekend started really well. It felt so good to see her again on the Friday. We went out for a really nice meal and then went out to a club. We both got a bit drunk and ended up in bed together. We didnt sleep together but other things happened. In the morning she woke up and was crying saying that she couldnt do this anymore and had to move on.

 

I felt like i had set myself up for a fall and i was really hurt. Although i dont want her back now i still love her and could see us having a future again one day. She is an amazing girl and when we were together i could have seen her as my wife.

 

The weekend continued. We didnt really talk about what she had said when she was in a state and the saturday and sunday went really well. We went out for lunch and still kissed and held each other at night.

 

At the end of the weekend we said our goodbyes and i was very happy that the weekend had taken place, although the incident on saturday morning was upsetting. I was unsure why she said it since the rest of the weekend went so well.

 

On the Sunday she left she sent me a message, when she got home telling me that she had had a lovely weekend and she was really glad she came over. I was really happy that she was missing me like i was missing her and although i felt that i didnt want to get back together with her i felt like we could have a future. Maybe in a few months, a year, i dont know, i just wanted her again one day and i was willing to give her as much time as she wanted before she decided she wanted me again.

 

Now i was speaking to her this evening and she reminded me that she had a great weekend. I agreed and the conversation was going really well until she apologised for getting weird on the saturday morning. She said she was unsure why she said those things and was sorry for getting upset. She said that she still has feelings for me but couldnt go back cause she didnt think it would work again. She didnt rule out the possibility of one day but at the moment she wants us to try just being friends without all the kissing and holding of hands (something weve never done ever, not even at christmas, not even before we were together)

 

I think the reason this has messed me up is because ive obviously been holding onto hope. Ive always thought that maybe we would be together again one day but she has other plans. Without realising it maybe ive wanted to get back together with her far more than ive thought. Maybe ive would get back with her tomorrow if she asked me to. Prehaps seeing her at Christmas was too soon and my feelings were still too strong for her, even though i didnt think they were.

 

I'm really confussed and dont know how to handle the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just would like to know the best way to deal with her, my feelings and what my next step should be.

 

If you've read this far your a really kind person.

[kuhl282000]

Hey Brother

 

I read your post in detail, and I wanted to say I understand. My suggestion would be to not get your hopes up to high. Sounds like you have been through most of the pain already. You don't want to set yourself back now. Sounds pretty clear as to what she said she wanted from you at this point. The problem is you are not thinking with your head but your emotions. And that is the problem your having right now. The old saying goes like this. Sometimes you have to let love go, if it comes back to you then it was true love. You are both young and have bright futures ahead. You are far apart and should not expect anything from this girl at this time in your life. You were together, you had some great times. Cherish the good memories, that may all you are left with. My Grand Dad used to tell me son, some people come into your life for a short time, some stay for awhile and very few stay forever. Don't put any pressure on her at all. Let her live her life and you live yours. You will have many other loves in your life, and that is a promise. To stay friends is a dear thing, many people who come here never hear from the ex again. Me included.

 

Be strong

Kuhl

[dikaia880]

I understand your position bud, it isn't fun. I agree with Kuhl, the best thing to do is live your life, for yourself. While there is nothing wrong with holding out hope, you still need to be ready that the day when you guys get back together never comes. The longer you hold onto any belief that she is "the love of your life" the harder it will be for you. Like kuhl said there will be many loves in your life. The one you end up with will be the one God made for you. My Grandma told me when i started going through my current heartache, that there is no reason to be sad because whats meant to be is meant to be and the funnest part of life is finding out what is meant to be. I take that as meaning, you're young you must be living. Have fun and be rest assured that one day you'll find the right person whether you find it in your ex or in the person you met tomorrow.

[Philpo]

Hey guys, thanks so much for replying, the advice you have given me has put a really good perspective on things for me.

 

However im finding it hard to live my life at the moment without thinking about her. Since we are still in contact, we talk quite a bit on the phone and on the internet. Although i dont expect to speak to her everyday if i go a couple days without doing it i get really sad and down.

 

I take your point about living my life but its just so hard. Its not just as easy as getting on with things, especially when i obviously find it harder than her to continue on with life and to want to be "just friends."

 

I spend quite a lot of time at my computer because i'm always doing pieces of work or just relaxing listening to music. She often comes online and when i see her name flash up my reaction is always to want to speak to her straight away. I know i shouldnt and i do realise now that i need to take a step back but i dont know the best way to go about it.

 

Once again, it would be good to hear your advice