No Contact

[martin6565]

Hi everyone...

 

A question about NC. I have initiated NC/LC twice in the past few months. It starts with LC, then i "think" she's contacting me because it's genuine and she wants to try again, when I find out she's not; I slip away to NC, and i'll stick with it until she contacts again, and I feel she's sincere. Well I saw her the other day after 2 weeks of LC, flirting, even a few get togethers. LC is like a cancer- it eats you away inside. More power to you if you can pull it off, I don't have that luxury, and while i'm confident she'd love me if she gave it a chance, I refuse to be an option, i'm better than that.

 

thereforee I asked her about the past 2 weeks i've been in contact, how positive it's been and confronted her. I didn't like the answer she gave, wanting to causally date with no strings, FWB type thing, and see where it takes us. So I just left, Am i being crazy? I don't want to casually date someone while they're just stringing me along, dating/hooking up with other men. Am in in the wrong? She called and texted many times the other day to check up on me. I did not respond, nor do I have a desire.exj

 

In order for me to get over her i need distance. In order for her to realize how good I am, she needs time. I understand this; but from LC to NC, to LC, to just cutting everything off without an explanation; in her mind, could that cause resentment? I have not been decisive in the past of sticking to my NC- not because i'm weak willed, it's because i thought her effort was genuine.

[Mutley]

Don't worry about what she thinks.

 

You have to do what's best for you.

[rtoycrow]

i am in the same position you are. The only way i will accept what she has to say is when she comes to me in person and says i made a mistake.

[l9grl]

but from LC to NC, to LC, to just cutting everything off without an explanation; in her mind, could that cause resentment?

 

Only do NC if you want this to be fully over. NC is not a tool to get her back.

 

You broke up with her, now you want her back - I can understand her hesitation. It's not okay to play with her feelings like that.

 

Does she even want to be in a monogamous relationship right now? She may want to play the field for awhile.

[martin6565]

I've been proving myself for a year, (we broke up a year ago over something that shouldn't have been a deal breaker) Sometimes you need to "stop the bleeding" if things aren't working the way you want. I understand there would be some hesitation, thats why i've given this such a long time.

 

Does she want a monogamous relationship, the answer to that is no, she wants to be able to have the option to date others, as well as not be limited. She has said that to me more than once, and every time she has, i've pulled away. However as I'm in NC, she has contacted twice before on separate occurrences saying she misses me and feels awful that we don't talk.

 

If she wants to play the field, then go...have your fun. You said it's what you want, not to be limited, or have to worry about a boy. But while she's doing this she needs to realize that it's going to have to be one, or the other, and i won't be around for both. (even as much as it hurts me)

[l9grl]

I've been proving myself for a year

 

I thought you had broken up recently - a year is way too long! I can understand a month or two, but a year?

 

she wants to be able to have the option to date others, as well as not be limited

 

in that case, I suggest you move on - it may be years before she is ready to settle down

 

if you're ready to be monogamous now, it's better to get out there and meet a woman on the same page

 

don't even be her friend - she'll just use you for ego strokes and such

[martin6565]

what if she starts to get mad at you for not responding to any form of contact she's initiating?

[l9grl]

She might feel angry about NC, or maybe she is mature enough to understand that you need to do NC to move on. Are you putting her feelings above your own? What about how she affects your feelings?

 

It's not right for her to string you along, and you have the right to do NC so that you can heal.

 

I'm doing NC with my exgf too. It's hard, but it's necessary for me to move on. I realized today that I don't trust or respect her anymore, and that is helping me stick to NC.

 

Do you still trust and respect your ex?

[martin6565]

she dosent understand why i'm doing NC. She thinks its because i'm being immature and that she thinks i can't be friends because i really didn't care about her then...

 

Yes, i respect her

[l9grl]

You could write something like this to her, "It hurts too much to settle for just being your friend. I want to be in a monogamous committed relationship with you now, not someday, but you don't want that too. I've been waiting for several months to be with you, I've been doing my best to prove to you that I want only you, but you still don't want to be with only me. You want to date other people. That breaks my heart. I need to do NC so that I can heal. Please respect my need for space. Please don't call or email me unless you want to be with only me and are fully ready to commit to me."

 

What do you think of telling her something like that? Do you think she'd understand if you spell it out really clearly like that?

[stillkicking]

sorry Im new here and dont know what LC means? sure understood the NC = no contact.

Further..try to heal yourself. Keep the NC as she already must know that you want a comitted relationship with her. Doesnt she? LET HER MISS YOU and come back to her senses. Try dating other women.

Im riding the same wave as you difference is that it has only been 2 weeks for me.