How can it be, what can i do to get her back?

[dikaia880]

Here's my problem. I was about a month from graduating from college last spring and I met this amazing girl. I was going to move to a larger city about 5 hours away. Me and her hit it off and I decided to put off moving since I didn't have a "real" job yet. I spent all summer up there and we became very close. I moved here (5 hour drive) last sept. and we had a long distance relationship up through christmas. Things were going as good as a long distance relationship could go. She has another 2 years in school, but is only a year younger than me. We talked about the future and I put off plans of buying a house (our plan was to move to a different town.) I even put off buying a dog because she didn't want it to not like her because she wouldn't see it that much. When she got to finals week we didn't talk much and then I surprised her buy showing up on a saturday night. The next day she said she was confused and didn't know what she wanted and that she "gave up." A week later she came to visit and broke up with me because she "feels like she needs to be alone."

After that she called me constantly saying she missed me, that she needed to her my voice, and that she thought about me all the time. But when the topic of us came up nothing was different. That went on for three or four weeks. I brought it up and she said that she didn't mean to give me mixed feelings and that we shouldn't talk for awhile. Since then I've talked to her once, because I had a question I had to ask her. I am planning on going back to that school for graduate school (for the right reasons, not her) and she had called me at like 2 am a couple weeks ago wondering when I would be moving back. I'm going up there to visit some friends and I will have to she her because I need to give her some stuff back.

Our break up was good, and she said she needed me to be her friend, but I'm wondering if I'm better off not talking to her in the hopes that she misses me or do I be her friend? I really believe that she couldn't stand missing me, and that she thinks it's easier to not to be together because of the distance. How do I set myself up for a good chance of getting back with her when i get back to school next fall? What can i do to get her back, I really believe that she does still want to be with me.

[neallo82288]

Here's a post that will be of some assistance:

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

This will explain to you what you need to do to get her back. The no contact thing works wonders. Leave her to her own mind. You know that she misses you and cares for you, so just make her miss you all the more. Remember that no contact means no contact none whaatso ever. Do not worry about her things. Time will come when it is appropriate to give them back, but for right now you need to leave her to miss you and realize that she loves you. As long as there is contact then she knows that you are in the wings waiting on her and there is no rush to see you as anything different. If she calls, by all means answer, but keep it short and sweet. YOu want to be her friend, but your feelings for her will interfearwith that. JUst read that post and follow it as best you can.

 

Hope this helped,

Neallo

 

PS I can help more if you need just PM me.

[dikaia880]

So I'm going up to the town where she lives to visit other friends. Its a small town and she works at the bar where we normally go. Do I let her know I'm coming, if not what do i do when she sees me. I don't want her to think I don't care, but I don't want her to think I'm coming up there to see her. as much as it sucks i like the no contact rule idea, but the last time we talked wasn't the best, and i feel like i need to have a good short conversation to remind her of what we used to be, not the weird ex i was last time we talked. Would seeing her when I'm there, shortly be good or bad?

[amilasiu]

Most likely it would be very unconfortable. Shortly, don't let her know you're coming. Keep on the no-contact rule. If you see her in a bar, say short hi and move on to your other friends. Let her work out what all this means. It will tempt her to approach you and initiate the like-the-good-ol'-times conversation.

I know I know, your heart tells you otherwise but....

[dikaia880]

Heres the other deal, I have some of her things. mainly an expensive down quilt that her mom gave her. The weekend she was down to visit last (we broke up that friday she stayed till sunday) i was getting it all folded up and she told me to hold on to it, and that I was "acting like we're never going to see each other again." I think that as long as I have it she knows she has to (or gets to, you never know whats in her head) see me again. If i give it back this weekend, along with some other things, doesn't that put the thought that she may not necessarily see me again in her head. And doesn't that thought help me, either get over her quicker, and possibly make her think more about what she's missing? Give me your thoughts. Also if she finds out that i'm up there and didn't call her (which in that town, she'll probably know before I get anywhere near there) whats she going to think, if I know her as well as I think I do, she'll call wanting to met up and probably ask why I didn't call. What do I do...I'm not going to not go there to see my friends because of her, help!

[dikaia880]

Hey everybody, So i'm headed out to her town this afternoon and I could really use some advice on what to do. Me and my buddies are going out, and while the plan is not to go to the bar she works at, I know I will run into her friends. What do i do when she finds out I'm there, I know she will want to see me, and I have some stuff to give her (expensive, and I don't want it around anymore type stuff) What do i do! I'm thinking avoid her at all costs, and call her Sunday when I'm leaving town and make a quick stop at her place to drop her stuff off. Say how you doing, yada yada yada and get out. What do you all think, HELP!!!

[The Morrigan]

Ok, just from the way you're frantic, you're NOT ready to see her in person. Is there a third party you could trust to give her things back to her? If you want to make your intentions clear, that you're not trying to be cruel, write a note to go with the things, and ask a friend or a family member to take them to her place - but I'd avoid the opportunity for what could end up becoming another emotional confrontation that would only leave you feeling about as good as being run over by a truck, dragged a couple miles, and left in the rain for a week. You can be nice about it without putting yourself in the position to invite disaster, and while she might not be thrilled about it, it'll probably be a good bit less painful for her that way as well.

[dikaia880]

Thanks for the advice. I didn't call her when I got up there this weekend, and I was able to not run into her or her friends all weekend. When I was leaving this afternoon, I took the advice and called a friend of hers that has become a really good friend of mine, I asked if I could drop the stuff off at her place and she said yeah, but it all sounded kinda weird on the phone, heres why...she was at my ex's place when i called. as soon as we got off the phone my ex called me crying and wondering why I didn't call her when I was there. Of course I felt bad and dropped the stuff off in person, we ended up talking for about half hour and then I said I needed to leave...We hugged and she cried...and then after i left she called apologizing for crying (while continuing to cry) I hate seeing her cry, but I didn't let it get to me in front of her. I told her I'd call when I got home from the drive, but i've decided that we had a really good conversation at her place (there was actually no uncomfortable feelings and we laughed and I left her thinking that I've been doing good, been busy and all that) so i'm not going to call her...back to no contact...we'll see what happens!