whitefang Posted January 25, 2004 Author Share Posted January 25, 2004 This girl that i have feelings for, i think she knows that i like her but if neither of us are going to make a move where not going to get anywhere. I don't really know her intrest besides the fact that were doing the same course in college so we have that to talk about. I have had a few chance at college to tell her but i chickened out, i suppose im just afraid of being rejected by her and with us both being in the same college doing the same course i feel that we won't have anything much to talk about. When i really like some, i always have this thing about going of the worst case senarios of what my answer will be if i ask a girl out (it's kinda getting on my nerves). If i tell her then it will be out in the open, but will she want to stay friends after that's another problem that i have to consider because i don't want to lose her as friend even if we don't get to talk that much. Thanks anyway. - whitefang Link to comment
Chesnick Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I wish there was a simple answer to your question. It would help us guys out a lot. But the truth is, it depends on the girl. Some girls like shy, sensitive, thoughtful guys. Some girls like guys who don't think at all because they are easy to control. Some girls like skinny, some girls like muscular, some girls like anything. You need to figure out what kind of girl she is. A girl brought up traditionally, with her heart set on marriage and kids and all that, will probably go for the more confident, successful guys because they give her a sense of security. Then there are the girls who don't think about marriage or any of that, and they just want someone to have fun with for a short period of time, in which case looks play a big part. Or there are the thinker, "indie" girls who prefer thoughtful guys who they can talk to and learn things from. I think the best thing for you is just to figure out what kind of person you are and then try to find a girl who matches or compliments that. Chances are that whatever kind of a guy you are, there is a girl somewhere looking for your qualities. Link to comment
Chesnick Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 ...And just an add note, I have to give props to music for being honest. A lot of what he said is absolutely true; attractive, popular girls usually date attractive, popular guys because ther know that they can. Then there's the whole socially constructed system that a lot of stupid young people go by; beautiful rich people only date other beautiful rich people because that's what they see on TV, that's the social role they play, all that shit. Personally I say f*ck it. Talk to whomever you want. Link to comment
SmintyMinty Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Hmmm...ok I can offer another girl's opinion on this! I've never dated a guy for the way he looks!! - in a serious long-term relationship I am looking for more internal qualities: loyalty, intelligence, sense of humour, makes me laugh, is consistent and constant, someone who challenges and inspires me, is fun, confident, trusting, reliable, dependable, understanding, kind, affectionate, loving, successful, sharing, good listener. I could list loads more! They're all important but some are more than others...Either the guy has them or not! I have been out with many guys and they were all different and I did not choose a single one cos of they way he looked! I am sexy, attractive and have no problem getting dates. But I've always been put off by good-looking guys who chat me up and think I'm a sure thing as I'm goodlooking and like "hey baby we should be together"!!! I like the guy who will take his time and get to know me first and I want to know we can get on together as friends. Frankly I get bored of guys pulling the same lines and who are only after one thing! Sure I know the sexual attraction is important but looks is just a small part of what makes up a person. Ever notice how a goodlooking person can seem totally unattractive if he's/she's full of himself or how an average looking person can seem really hot if they have the personality, energy and confidence? I would say that more importantly for me there has to be a "click" factor, probably the X-factor if you like or chemistry! It's just something I can't explain! I won't deny looks and your overall appearance e.g. clothes aren't important cos they are! But basically clothes-wise if you look smart and not scruffy that's fine! Don't ever try to pretend to be something you're not! Make the most of what you have and have confidence in yourself and don't be afraid to explore new activities and things. This is what attracts me to a guy too - someone who has a good social life, a wide circle of friends and has interests and passions of his own. But there has to be something other to him than looks! My friends all say I date guys way below my league in terms of looks and they couldn't understand why and couldn't put us together lookswise. But if they have some of the qualities I look for in a guy - I'd respect him, trust him, love him and value him as a lover and a friend. Anyway that's my thoughts on it! Link to comment
whitefang Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 Thanks everyone, After reading most of your post providing me with plenty of information on what girls want out of guy im slowly getting a picture of what i have to be (or do) to get this girl that i have feelings for. Thank You All... If anyone has anymore suggestions or tips their more than welcome to post. - whitefang Link to comment
ck Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 News flash You can believe what you want, but reality is women who are average in looks or above only go for these types of guys. The most important is good looking (no matter what they tell you) tough guy Womanizer Popular Tall muscles Link to comment
whitefang Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 I disagree. Not all woman who are avarage in looks go for what you have stated. True it pays to have good looks but personality, sense of humor and just being yourself is what you need to do. If your not yourself when around women or trying to attract women, then who are you? because that's not what they'll see. I thinks some of the other members will agree that looks, muscles and being a tough guy doesn't always pay off. - whitefang Link to comment
SmintyMinty Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 I won't disagree with what CK says as I think a lot of women find those things important in a guy and it's reductive to generalise about what ALL women want. women look for different things in guys at certain stages in their life and what they want out of life at the time. Sure when I was younger I wanted a popular, goodlooking guy but the older you get the more you realise that those things do not last forever and there has to be more substance behind the looks. Like I've always gone for tall guys as I'm quite short but it's not merely the fact that he is "tall" it's what that represents to me - i want a guy who looks like he can look after and protect me. I like masculine men who are focused and know what they want out of life as I find that very attractive. I don't find muscles very appealing, I go for guys who are medium build and my boyfriend doesn't work out. I want to date a guy who feels real and not hard like a slab of beef! I don't find womanizing men attractive - it's a real turnoff and I could never date a man who didn't respect women. I like men who have the courage to be themselves. I agree with whitefang: looks, muscles and being a tough guy doesn't always pay off...guys who rely on these to attract women are insecure and don't have anything else going for them. You should have the confidence to be yourself and be happy with who you are! If you don't like yourself you cannot expect a girl to like you! A girl who truly cares for you should and will accept you for what you are. Link to comment
ck Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Whitefang Like I said you can believe waht you want to believe, but your fooling yourself if you think it's not about the looks. You want to know how I know because women one way or the other consiously, or not have some way or another said so, or proved it with their actions. I don't know what kind of women you meet, but it is very [/b]Rare to find one who doesn't care about looks, and I say rare because only the ones that have been teased about their looks actually have the decency to know not to choose a partner based on looks. And if your not tough women automatically think punk; that's why they hang all over loud obnoxious guys. And I never said to change the way you act; you can be a nerd if that's what you want to be the the fact is you will be hard pressed to find a woman who isn't all about what society deems as excepting to date. YOu can be the funniest guy around that does not mean she will be atracted to you just because you cracked a joke. Let's be real for a minute man to man. Link to comment
whitefang Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 That's fine i will believe in what i wan't to believe. I agree with some of the things you have said but not all of them. I don't know what type of girl you have in New York but here in the UK their a little different. Sure looks are important but personality, sense of humor and have some sorta goals in life are other important things that girls look for. I don't know where you got the impression that im a nerd. No being funny around a girl doesn't exactly mean that they'll be attracted to you but at least you are yourself and where i come from girl appreciate you for being yourself. "Beauty is only skin deep, you have to dig deeper to truly see the person." - whitefang Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Ck Knows what the deal is... And Whitefang,British women are some of the most arrogant and stuck up one could ever meet.. What ck said is sopt on. Women are shallow and they want lads that arehot...not funny caring all that bull Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 "I want a guy who looks like he can lookafter me and protect me" Hahahaha.......Girls...When will they ever learn Link to comment
The Morrigan Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Gee, then I guess that doesn't make me female. Some women are like that, some aren't. All guys don't want the cheerleader-type (generic here, "as seen on tv") and not all girls are all about the jocks and GQ pic guys either. And don't tell me it's about youth all the time, I've distrusted "perfect" looking guys since I can remember, and never saw what was so attractive about a guy who was so into himself you'd always be second on the list. Are there a lot of women who find the typically "hot" guys attractive? Of course, or they wouldn't be on the front of magazines staring at you. But no few girls I've known look at them the same way as other models - they're just eyecandy. There better be a helluva a lot more to the package, or there's no real interest. Look, I've been in a total of 2 serious relationships - and neither of the guys was in the "hot" category. I've only ever been attracted to 2 guys I'd consider "hot" and in both cases - it was the sheer strength of personality that attracted me, not their looks. No, the looks didn't hurt - but it sure wasn't the reason I was attracted either, if a guy can't hold my interest and stand up to me, even my hormones have the reaction of "meh and blah." Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 ^^How old are you? Thats the key question. Some girls change as they get older,it's all about what they want at a particualr time,but i would honestly say about 85% of girls go for looks first Link to comment
The Morrigan Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Well, I'm 29 now, but I've been the same way as long as I can remember - I have a VERY active mind and a mile long stubborn streak, so for me at least, looks just don't cut it as being enough for genuine interest. First long term relationship was in HS, and that was 4 years with one breakup (he dumped me) in the middle of it. He was fairly shy, borderline geeky, we were friends first and I never really thought of him as bf material til he asked, then I fell HARD. Odd thing was, he got more popular and more hooked on trying to look cool and hang out with cool people - and had less time and consideration for me, to the point I ended up telling him to take a walk. Maybe that's skewed my views considerably - but after seeing the change in him as he got more "into" himself, looks might weigh the scales a bit but they're definitely not key for me, and that's been since I was about 17 or 18 cause we started dating pretty young. I'd say personally, some looks can be a turn OFF if they're extreme, but "perfect" looks aren't really a turn on for me either and can actually make me steer clear. Link to comment
Derek Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Seems like the thread has been talking about external looks vs internal substance(character). Sure, attraction can start with looks, for both men and women, guys supposedly are after looks and especially when they are younger, they may go for party girls versus relationship girls. The female equivalent would be a "boy toy" vs "husband material." So is there something wrong with dating "boys" for fun while waiting for that husband material "man"? Don't guys do the same thing? After a certain time though, the biological clock for both sexes is ticking and people settle down... priorities change... (around age 25-35 it seems) Back to the main thread about what kind of guys women want, well in the end (which is kind of all that matters), the guys that mature into responsible men, that can provide a secure life for their families will probably be more what women of 25-35 are interested in. Many of those nerds from high school that are now age 30 may be making a million dollars and have often grown into men, while many of the jocks from high school have fading bodies and mediocre careers and remember their school glory days as the height of their lives. Link to comment
Mysterio Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 See buddy the sayings you are typing are real nice and i've heard em all before. But in reality,HOT girls go for HOT men. Thats the truth. If this girl is hot,then you gotta up your game,your ego,self esteem,dress sense,confidence and personality.it takes hard work.Thats the truth. Iam not expecting the girls on these boards to agree with me,because they never admit when there wrong,infact i am yet to meet a girl who will admit any wrong doing on her part. They come out with all this "I want a caring loving young man" yea of course you do.thats why they shrug fellas like that all the time for the young,sexy confident type. If you want her,up your game. That's by far the biggest load of crap I ever heard! If you want a straight answer, they want someone that can be cocky and funny. That being said, you do need to change from 'yourself' to someone you're not... However, once you're in a relationship, compassion and being sweet and all comes in. (That's where you would probably specialize) Some guys make the mistake of treating girls like godess' and doing everything for them... Be different from the other guys; stand out from the crowd. While they're all saying "You're so beautiful!" you can make a smart remark like "I would appriciate it you stopped looking at me like a piece of meat!" - things like that. Trust me. If you can master a cocky and funny behaviour, be smart and witty, chicks will dig you. There has to be some shealas here that agree with me! When he said the hot girls go for the hot guys, he meant hot, popular girls go for confident, funny guys. With a new way of attracting women, you don't have to worry about looks and such... They don't always matter! Good luck! Ryan Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Girls are after money and looks... Just like derek said.. Those nerds in school who most could not get a g/f at any stage in there young adult life are now earning millions ...There secure,intelligent etc...so once the girls get to say 25-30 thats the sort of man they want...you know why?Because there after what they can get.They want that man becasue hes got money,he can provide for the family...Pitty they wernt thinking that when that boy was 22,Because back then those same girls wanted something else.Bottom line...Girls all want something. They never like you for who you are...Thats a load of disney/hollywood crap(Sort of crap that Ryan watchs) Women always worm there way through there ever changing life for the BBD BIGGER BETTER DEAL. Link to comment
whitefang Posted January 28, 2004 Author Share Posted January 28, 2004 I will agree with you there Music. When you have a gf you tend to spend most of what you earn on them rather than on yourselves. I don't really aprove of being cocky and trying to be smart will get you any respect least of all any girls. - whitefang Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 My point was this...At different stages in a womans life they want different things out of a man.For instance,when there young say from being 13 to 25 they want the hot confident attractive type of lad.One who is popular,good looking etc etc... From being 25-to what ever age they usualy change and they realise time is moving on so they go for a more secure,intelligent man who either has or is gaining a good career.Now that same man could have been very lonly growing up or a complete nerd,but to that hot girl it dosnt matter,because shes had all that hot lads,at this stage in her life she is after money and security!!! Understand? Bottom line.. Girls never accept a man for who he is. To begin with it's all about looks,sex appeal,confidence,flash car.. As they get older there shallowness takes a different form...They then decide that a more secure wealthy or wealthy-ish man is in order despite his sex appeal because now they have a mindset Instead of loving ot licking a man for who he is...For girls,they love them for what they have at that point in here life. Link to comment
Music is the key Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 And why is it that girls always feel we should be the provider? You want money girl go earn it yourself. Link to comment
The Morrigan Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 *grins* that might address what's considered the "normal range" But what do you make of those of us who fall into the opposite category? My first ex would tell me "you know, I'd dump you if you weren't so damn cute" (ok, I never said he was a prize!) and I did at least 75% of the spending, no joke. I made more, so I never quibbled about being the one to spend more. I've always been willing to spend at least as much on a guy as he spends on me, though it's nice if he's not a slacker - I don't really care what he does for a living as long as he's making one. Wonder if it had and still has to do with most of my friends being guys, so I never had the "girl influence" of looking as much as "getting to know?" I've never "cold dated," I always knew the guy first. Link to comment
ck Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Oh please! You can't sit there with a straight face and tell me how different UK girls are from New york women. Number one mostly all women care about looks and the United Kingdom isn't that much of a difference. I could see if you said Holland or something. mypoint is without beauty what chick is going to give you a chance to woo her with your personality? By the way I didn't say you were a nerd; I said if you want to be one. There is a big difference. I think I am more clearer to you now. Link to comment
SYKoh Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 The answers are all correct, yet none of them are in entirety... One must remembr while Music and CK are relatively correct in most cases there are still many who are in the exception of that field. There are many who looks aren't important and attraction comes from personality, loyalty trust... I try to get the both together and find myself alone ... tho i find myself lowering the importance on looks if the girl is great person... that's prolly rare in a young guy, though completely unrelated to the original string... Neways... It depends on the individual, their upbringing, environment, and expeiences. Looks is an important factor in all things, attraction is what i believe to be required, basic looks... failing that symbols of status, power and success... Or you could go security Or for the more sadistic girl, they'd go for someone weak who they can control the whole kaboodle It's all too complex to be broken down into basic answers posted throughout this string... while one might be tempted to try understand why the world works as it does (which is my deadly sin) it would be easier, more practical and generally better off it you let it run... Let the story unfold... Oh yeah... don't set up a new image of yourself just to get girls... fake people are generally disliked and while may hold up the facade for a short time... anyone who knows how to use gut feelin or just knows them for a long time will realise/expose the fakeness... Be yourself... nothing wrong with goin about changing yourself, but make sure it's a true change not a mere veneer to make you more 'suitable' in society Jeez those sorts are the bane of my existence! Thank You. Link to comment
CamaroJoe Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 lol, i had to reply to this post. This is what i've learned so far.... Woman, in the long run, want a comfident man! And at first the person has to be some what sexually attractive to the female. If they are not, it will take the male longer to get the female's attention in that prespective. Now, you can be shy in a sense, but overall you must be comfident with what you do. If you are not comfident enough with yourself to stick up for yourself even if you know you're in the wrong, then the female, for the most part, is going to think you are going to be too scared to stick up for her too. And that is not good. And you can be comfident and in touch with your feelings also. That just shows that you are comfident enough in yourself to let people know how you feel without worrying about what others will think. All you have to do is be yourself and believe that you are the man and no one has the the right to disagree with you without you sticking up for yourself. Also most women would rather be appraoched. Although there are some who will approach you. Even the ones who like to be approached may like a guy so much that they get up the nerve to talk to the guy first. well, i hope this helps whoever needs it. ~Camaro Joe Link to comment
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