what do you do when your boyfriend has NO sex drive?

[hollypocket]

Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now and before we had sex he acted as if he was going to want it all the time, but ever since we did he hardly ever wants it. I am always the instigator (i can think of once in 10 months that he was). I have heard from his ex- girlfriends that he was the same with them and so they broke it off b/c they could not deal with it. The problem for me is that he is absolutely perfect for me in EVERY other way except in the sex department. When we do finally get to have sex it is good, but he thinks I am being silly when I try to be "sexy" and try new things...he says I am too cute and not "sexy." I love him so much....please give me some advice!!!!

thank you

[avman]

Strange that he had the desire before you started actually having sex, and then lost it immediately after.

 

Maybe for him its just the thrill of the chase that excites him. And then once he has what he's after, its on to the next conquest.

 

I almost suggested that maybe he had a medical problem until the part you mentioned about him having this problem with other girls. So now I think its more of a mental thing. He could try some therapy to see if they can figure out whats going on.

 

However, I'm leery that he might just be a "player". I don't have any real evidence to support this, other than just a feeling I'm getting while reading your post. Try sitting down and talking with him directly about things. Tell him its a big issue for you. If he continues to make light of things, well then you might want to seriously consider whether this is the right relationship for you.

[JSHRN]

Hi hollypocket.

 

It seems likely that the current pattern of infrequent intercourse would extend into your married life unless some changes are made. You are wise to consider whether such a sex life would be satisfying to you in the long run. But your choices aren't necessarily just to accept the situation as is or to break up with him. What about telling him your concerns and asking him -- or, actually, the both of you -- to work on your sex life? As avman said you could also ask him to see a physician to rule out any possible medical reason for his lower desire. Couples counseling could also be helpful.

 

Most couples, married or not, have a difference in sex drive between partners. Sometimes, however, even a compromise doesn't cut the mustard. If you want to have a sexually satisfying relationship with him, sit down with him, talk to him directly about your concerns. Let him know how important this is to you.

[QTpie87]

hey,

did you think about maybe asking him about it in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings or get you guys in a fight. thats what i would do.

[racychk1]

I'm in a similar situation with my husband of 3 months!

Today we talked about his lack of libido with a counselor and told us pretty much what we have already done: TALK about it more and more and more until we both know exactly what the other wants.

 

I know it takes a long time to fine-tune or synchronize two different sexual beings, but it's just a matter of patience, communication, effor, and love.

 

Good luck to you.

[The Morrigan]

Hmm, only thing that comes to mind offhand is, if he likes the thrill of the chase, let him chase you. Do the flirty things you did before you had sex - and DON'T be in a hurry to have it lead directly there, and see how he reacts when you flirt, tease, and then don't try to pursue any more than just the flirtation a few times. If that perks his interest, he might need more of the anticipation than the more direct sexual come ons - usually a more "female" thing and not one usually expected from a guy.

[r6]

 

 

sounds like me but its the other way around the girlfriend doesnt have the sexy drive