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I feel nearly all women are out of my league. Do I need more confidence?

schaser

By schaser
in Dating Advice

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schaser Contributor

schaser

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I just think I'm not good enough for anybody. I know that sounds overly negative but it's how I feel anyhow. I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend before and I know it's because I turn women off instantly for having such a bad personality.

 

I know that people should have a positive attitude towards life and then good things would happen to them, but I honestly think I would never find anybody because of this. People get told periodically that they are appealing but I never do, and I don't want to go through life never having been with anyone.

 

Sorry to sound mopey..

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Gratsy Community Regular

Gratsy

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Its circular. What you think of yourself and the mopiness will make you less attractive and make you more mopey. Stop it and start believing in yourself. No one else will do it for you; have a backbone. Most people are out there to tear you down when you're weak, don't fool yourself. Being sad is normal, but mourn and then be ready to move on and even fight if people put you down.

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abriellek Explorer

abriellek

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First of all, I don't do drugs and I ended up starting to date someone who smoked pot ten times a day, literally, and in the end treated me like crap and spit in my face. So bad personality? It can't be that bad. Women fall for all kinds of men for no rhyme of reason. People are so random. For example, my friend and I are both 20. She is extremely athletic, gorgeous legs, on her college soccer team, a guy's girl, loves video games is quiet and understanding - has never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. I have anxiety and depression, am basically obsessive, fairly chubby and short, and have had 5 boyfriends and almost been engaged.

Have you actually tried to pursue girls? Do you actually WANT a relationship? Maybe you're sending out negative signals.

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schaser Contributor

schaser

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First of all, I don't do drugs and I ended up starting to date someone who smoked pot ten times a day, literally, and in the end treated me like crap and spit in my face. So bad personality? It can't be that bad.

 

I think so, if one excuses the negativity. People say that I am kind and pleasant but I suppose I remember my school days when everyone said I had a bad personality. I suppose back then I wasn't that outgoing or lively and today I am not either.

Women fall for all kinds of men for no rhyme of reason. People are so random. For example, my friend and I are both 20. She is extremely athletic, gorgeous legs, on her college soccer team, a guy's girl, loves video games is quiet and understanding - has never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. I have anxiety and depression, am basically obsessive, fairly chubby and short, and have had 5 boyfriends and almost been engaged.

Have you actually tried to pursue girls? Do you actually WANT a relationship? Maybe you're sending out negative signals.

 

I suppose I do want a relationship. I know it's bad to seem desperate but I just kind of want somebody to be close to. And I just think girls would think "what the heck does he want" if I approach them. I see lots of girls at the university I attend but I just don't feel comfortable in approaching them. I guess I'm doing myself a disservice by sounding so down and negative lol.

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ghost69 Mentor

ghost69

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you guys shouldn't think this way. iwishiknew, don't tell the OP that. how is that helpful? i haven't seen you try much before in your posts.

 

OP, you need to have a more positive attitude about yourself. being mopey isn't helping. it bleeds outward. women want to see more confidence. the 'mopey'ness isn't attractive. do you think you can change that about yourself? i'm not talking about walking around like you are the toast of town though. too cocky is just as bad.

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Dating Coach Veteran

Dating Coach

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I just think I'm not good enough for anybody. I know that sounds overly negative but it's how I feel anyhow. I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend before and I know it's because I turn women off instantly for having such a bad personality.

 

I know that people should have a positive attitude towards life and then good things would happen to them, but I honestly think I would never find anybody because of this. People get told periodically that they are appealing but I never do, and I don't want to go through life never having been with anyone.

 

Sorry to sound mopey..

 

Maybe it's not your personality but instead is the desperation and low confidence you have that sends signals of Low Social Value.

 

Read the Dating Guide link in my sig. I think it will help you.

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Stardusk Explorer

Stardusk

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Posted
First of all, I don't do drugs and I ended up starting to date someone who smoked pot ten times a day, literally, and in the end treated me like crap and spit in my face. So bad personality? It can't be that bad. Women fall for all kinds of men for no rhyme of reason. People are so random. For example, my friend and I are both 20. She is extremely athletic, gorgeous legs, on her college soccer team, a guy's girl, loves video games is quiet and understanding - has never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. I have anxiety and depression, am basically obsessive, fairly chubby and short, and have had 5 boyfriends and almost been engaged.

Have you actually tried to pursue girls? Do you actually WANT a relationship? Maybe you're sending out negative signals.

 

Indeed; no rhyme, no reason.

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grymoire Community Regular

grymoire

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To be honest having a great personality will only help after the girl agrees to go on a date with you. For the girl to agree for the date you got to be good looking. Period. You will find many posts from women saying that looks do not matter for them and only personality and character but you can safely disregard them. Looks matter, first and foremost. So invest in your looks. Join a gym. Eat healthy. Dress well. Anything that you can possibly do to help in the looks department. You can worry about personality after getting a date.. not now.

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schaser Contributor

schaser

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Maybe it's not your personality but instead is the desperation and low confidence you have that sends signals of Low Social Value.

 

Read the Dating Guide link in my sig. I think it will help you.

 

Thanks a lot for this guide. It has been a tremendous help. Are you a member of the online seduction community or something?

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iwishiknew Proficient

iwishiknew

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To be honest having a great personality will only help after the girl agrees to go on a date with you. For the girl to agree for the date you got to be good looking. Period. You will find many posts from women saying that looks do not matter for them and only personality and character but you can safely disregard them. Looks matter, first and foremost. So invest in your looks. Join a gym. Eat healthy. Dress well. Anything that you can possibly do to help in the looks department. You can worry about personality after getting a date.. not now.

 

Yes you are right about looks!! they do matter! they are first impressions!! you have to be good looking or have at least decent looks..For me I am very athletic, I play sports and I work out everyday. My best athletic performance is running! I can run a mile under 5 mins.. My problem is my looks and height. I am a short guy and I can't attract at all..I am not attractive at all...I have been turned and rejected all the time because of my looks..No girl yet has given me a chance instead I get judged by my looks, I wish it wasn't like that but it always is...It is difficult to get dates if you are not attractive or handsome. Ok so I am not attractive at all but I am very outgoing and athletic and a caring person. I deserve a chance.

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Dating Coach Veteran

Dating Coach

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Yes you are right about looks!! they do matter! they are first impressions!! you have to be good looking or have at least decent looks..For me I am very athletic, I play sports and I work out everyday. My best athletic performance is running! I can run a mile under 5 mins.. My problem is my looks and height. I am a short guy and I can't attract at all..I am not attractive at all...I have been turned and rejected all the time because of my looks..No girl yet has given me a chance instead I get judged by my looks, I wish it wasn't like that but it always is...It is difficult to get dates if you are not attractive or handsome. Ok so I am not attractive at all but I am very outgoing and athletic and a caring person. I deserve a chance.

 

Assuming you are as plain as you suggest, have you put in the effort to dress to kill and build style?

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h0pelessr0mantic Contributor

h0pelessr0mantic

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Confidence is a key factor in how attractive someone is. You have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can. When you are walking down the street don't think that you are below everyone else or that the guy over there is more attractive than you, because that will show all over your face and in your body language. I've known alot of guys who actually were not very physically attractive yet still were very alluring because they exuded confidence. If you show how much you love yourself, then people will want to get to know you (don't mistake confidence for arrogance though). Next time just hold your head high and if you see a cute girl pass by, smile or say hello. The worst that will happen is she will walk away, and then you will be right where you were about 5 seconds ago. However, there is also the possibility that she will talk to you. You need to take risks and put yourself out there.

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Dating Coach Veteran

Dating Coach

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If looks are so important how come I see unattractive guys with good looking girls all the time.

 

A) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

B) Dressing well and showing you care about yourself is almost certainly only going to be a hinderence to someone who isn't going to make a strong partner. Who in there right mind would not like someone because they showed they care about their appearance? (unless you show it too much that it looks like you are self possessed?-but I don't think that's going to be an issue here do you?)

 

C) Those guys may have a lot of other things going for them.

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iwishiknew Proficient

iwishiknew

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Can you explain why you think women reject you all of the time because of your looks?

 

Women reject me all the time because of the way I look. I was born with extosis, which is a bone structure disorder. I have it on my arm. And one arm is shorter than the other. I have a little of it on my right leg, I have it my fingers and some are not normal length. And my jaw structure has a little bit of it. And just the way I look, from this disorder, I kinda look like a mid-size dwarf. I have a had many people ask me before, and girls laughing and giggling asking me " Are you some kind of dwarf?" because I kinda look like one. Having this disorder is sometimes really hard for girls to accept me, just because of having this disorder. They see me and just judge me by the way I look and not giving me a chance at all. Just like online dating, I have been doing online dating for about 9 years now and I have not met one girl yet. Even if the girls shares the exact same interests as me, they don't respond to me.

 

But having this disorder has never stop me from play sports, hockey and running. I do have talent at running. I can run a mile under 5 mins, which a lot of people can't do at all. Having disorder has not affected my ability to perform at sports, The only problem having this disorder is that I can't attract any girls

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schaser Contributor

schaser

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A) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

people say this, but I don't agree with it totally. I've come accross persons who are near universally thought of as unattractive. And vice versa for some attractive people. I don't mean to sound negative, but I think i'm in the former category.

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ProtestTheHero Enthusiast

ProtestTheHero

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That's rough, man. I hope your situation gets better and/or someone you meet is able to look past all that.

 

I think people forget sometimes that looks do hinder people in ways that they can't control. Most people don't have to worry about it -- they aren't 10's but they look good enough to where it doesn't have to be a hindrance. They don't know what it's like to be in your shoes. I can't judge you the way they will, bro. Who knows where some of our confidence levels would be if we had to fight issues like this, and the worst part about it is people will accuse you of making the issue a scapegoat. I don't know what to say or how to help you improve your situation -- I wish I did.

 

Good luck.

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gracerules2008 Enthusiast

gracerules2008

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I don't think confidence is the determining factor for getting a girlfriend. I just think there are no guarantees in this life. Not everyone is guaranteed to find a mate to settle down with.

 

I have a girlfriend and I have no confidence. I don't even have good looks. I just happen to have a girlfriend because I lucked out. I'm a lucky guy. I have done nothing to earn the relationship that I have.

 

Unfortunately dating and relationships are not like college exams where if you study hard enough you are guaranteed to pass. That's just not how it works.

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