insecurity... making me be jealous/lack trust

[poonany]

My girlfriend and I been dating 3 months... but in those 3 months, we have been SO close, it seems a lot longer. I know her better then some people I knew for years. It was kind of by chance we met, and it just happened that she was almost exactly what my ideal girl would be. I love her so much, it hurts that I cant just be with her when I'm at work right now

 

Anyways... I have noticed some insecurity creeping up on me, but I don't really think anybody deserved it. I am trying SO hard to feel better about myself and the relationship, but sometimes I just let my imagination overwhelm me, and fear of losing the only person I have cared about so deeply scares the crap outa me.

 

I can honestly say I don't look at other girls... I just have SO much feelings for her, when I walk by a girl at the mall, its the same as walking by another guy. Of course, if someone say asked me what I think... I will acknowledge someone's beauty, but to me, my girlfriends appearance ND personality are the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced, especially as we get closer.

 

We had an issue with her looking at these magazines with senseless pictures of guys... I got really upset, a little too upset, but I cant make my feelings not be there, I talked to her calmly, explained... no yelling, no arguing. She said it was just because she had al;ways looked at the magazines since she was younger, and it was just more of a habit, then actually having any desires for the men. Everything was OK coon after, and back to normal.

 

I think my insecurity stems from my parents and one girl who cheated on me. My parents broke up after 20 years of marriage, and my dad cheated on her. I had a girlfriend of 2 months... and she drank a bit too much, and had sex with some guy. I ended that relationship without hesitation.

 

I am confident in my looks... and my girlfriend tells me all the time how good looking she thinks I am. It does help, but sometimes.. I just worry.

 

Before we started dating, she liked on of my friends. He's a "big talker" and likes to make girls think he's something that he isn't. She fell for it.. and had a pretty big crush on him. She eventually met me as one of her friends, then soon after "liked us both" but I think she just thought I was hot. Then once she got to know the inner me, she says she completely forgot about my friend and cared for me. Then a week or so later we started dating.

 

I really don't feel uncomfortable hanging around him with her, but lately... I been craving to ask her questions like "who did you think was better looking?" etc etc. but I know that's childish, and I shouldn't. So I don't.

 

Otherwise I'm not jealous... I got awesome friends, and they'd never betray me. The friend who she liked is probably the least trustworthy of them. I trust her with my life too.

 

The other day we were talking about this big public gathering we are going to attend, and we were talking about the last time we attended it (we were both single) we checked out the guys/girls. She reassured me she wont be doing that now of course.. and somehow it got into the topic of her talking to a guy, and if he was flirting and she flirted back. I said I am strongly against this behavior... and I would never stand for it. I would probably break up with her for a while at least, until I calmed down, and maybe could trust her again. Flirting is not cheating, but why flirt ? how can you have fun flirting with another person, when you love your partner? Flirting is just arousing sexual interest with no intentions of carrying it further. That's not acceptable to my relationship standards. Anyways... she agreed, and said shed probably do & expect the same from me.

 

Sorry for going into such irrelevant detail, but I still feel insecure about us sometimes. I have a bad imagination, that lets me fabricate reasons and dreams of things that would make me jealous. I just think "what if this happened, and she did this ____" etc. etc.

 

How can I control my jealousy/insecurity, and/or help her to relieve any doubts in my mind? Is it natural to be scared every so often about the possibility of losing your loved on? After all.... it does happen. I seen it happen. I know time is on my side, but I was hoping there was some way of thinking that could ease my scared thoughts and insecurities.

 

thanks

[QTpie87]

well, you know that she loves you right? so why be so insicure about yourself. maybe you should tell her how you feel and solve your thing that way. i wish i would have done that while i still had the chance. well don't worry just talk to her and remember that you are a good person and have nothing to be insucre about-k- love Qtpie87

[poonany]

You got a very good, obvious, but almost a little simple of apoint. It just seems a little more deeper and complicated then that. Yes she loves me... and it does comfort me. But still... my parents loved each other right? or they did... then all of a sudden my Dad went weird, cheated, and left us. It happens.. people, and this world are messed up.

 

I did talk to her about it... or at least I just let her know, that I am sorry if I act overly jealous sometimes, and that its not that I dont trust her, its because of past issues with family and girlfriend relationships.

 

One thing that scares me is how much I love this girl. Maybe its because she is my first true love... but we have such similiar goals, values, interests, and share this deeper bond of understanding with eachother. I just cant explain it... but even thugh Im young, and this is my first type of relationship at this level, theres just something that tingles in my hear tells me if things keep progressing the way they have been she IS THE ONE.

 

She even tells me, that if we can make it through our youngers years without an serious relationship flaws, she wants to be my wife no question. I feel the same. So I guess the fear comes in even more because the LEVEL at which I care for her.

 

thanks for your comment though, knowing she loves me does help regardless

[poonany]

Oh and one thing that kinda bothered me...

 

At the time we were talking about attending the large social gathering.. I was feeling very comfortable, and very secure. I jokingly said I should give a good looking guy $2 to flirt with her, to see what she does. Thats when she asked "what would you do if I flirted back?" Kind of a weird answer.... I dont want to jump to conclusions... but things like that are what trigger me to feel this way

[sweetbutjealous]

First of all, she could very well be doing those things and saying those things to get your attention. I have often don't those things just to see my boyfriend get worked up... because then we know that you care. I think that it is awesome that you don't care to look at other girls and it's very rare to find a guy that can be so in love with a girl and let the world know it.

 

However, I would not keep bugging her about other guys and other feelings she has... it could make you look scared. we don't really like that so much. My advice would be to trust her, especially if she has given you no major reason not to. I personally, don't checkout other guys. I have the only one that I'll ever need, and i think that he feels the same way about me... but, sometimes I worry that he thinks other girls on t.v. or in magazines are so much better than I am. But, I am learning to hide these feelings because they like to know that you have faith in them that they love you enough not to want somebody else like that.

 

I would stop with the wondering about other guys thing and see if she changes. I'll bet ya she will