2 people love each other but....

[whatnext]

I am in a real mess at the moment after reading many posts here, I understand that I need to repair myself and am trying but its all too new and very raw.

 

The history, My gf broke up with me because of issues with her daughter and mine, I didnt realise the extent of these problems just thought it was kids. I can understand that she is only protected her own but I felt she was defiantly the one. We had been seeing each other for 8 months and then out of the blue she goes over to my house and gets her things leaving me the worst ever 'Dear John'. We got together again (last time was 8yrs ago) after she split with her ex after he was abusing her. I was there as her friend and it rekindled our feelings for one another at such an intense level. We had plans to move into together get married etc. I dont have a great relationship with the rest of her family due to events past, which I dont think is helping.

 

The real kicker is that she says she still loves me, on the day she went and got her stuff she texted me to say she loves me and has said this all week. I believe that there are ways around the kid issues I only have my daughter one day a week. but she is unable to see these workarounds saying it still wouldnt work. It has only been a week and having the read the posts about 'no contact' am trying but am obvouisly not strong enough. Today is her Nans funeral and I had to send a text to say I am thinking about her. Over the weekend we had a chat and we seemed to be making progress as soon as the call was finished she sent a text saying that there is no point in talking about it because the main problem wont go away.

 

I cant lose her again she is 'the one' but I need her to make her own mind up, I am trying very hard not to persuade her because she says I have always been able to solve her problems and I want her to change her mind, not change it because I have changed it for her.

 

We have said that if all else fails then there is 15yrs from now when the girls have grown up...but I cant wait that long.

 

Should I continue with the 'no contact' or should I do something else.

 

Thanks

[lil_mamarains13]

I believe you should do continue the no contact thing. I know from expereince that is the hardest thing to do. Maybe you should also try moving on with your life. You said that she needs to make up her mind, but to me it sounds like she already has by saying "there is no point in talking about it because the main problem wont go away." Yes it feels raw and hurts like nothing else, but take one day at a time. If it were meant to be it will. I hope I helped. Good Luck!

[vfunkera]

Hey Whatsnext,

 

Its always difficult when there are kids involved. I understand this completely, and i felt a lot of hurt while reading your post. As hard as it is right now, you must keep your head up, and just go through the days one by one. Take it at your stride, and try to keep your mind off her. The no contact thing works absolute wonders, and the sooner you apply it the sooner this will become the past. Keep yourself busy at this time, and do things you like to do.

 

If she broke up with you because the daughters can't get along, then she is not taking you individually as serious as she should. You may think she is the one, but what about her? If she is your soul mate etc then her splitting over how her daughter quarrels every now and then is a pretty bad excuse (obviously she is one of her own but then what about you and her?). Like lil'mamarains suggested, just focus on your self now, there will be someone out there who will like you and not how well her daughter fits in.

 

Good luck.

[jamman]

Hey I really feel for you and your situation, mine is similar but not the same. First off you have not been practicing the no contact rule, your still writing, that is contact. I know cause I found "the one" too and after 5 weeks I only am beginning to get the rule myself, as of yesterday. One thing that I can say is that the benifit of absolutely no contact, meaning calls, letters text message etc.. is that she will find you and love you for who you are over time. She will if so inclined find answers to both of your problems if left alone to figure out what she really wants. If its you she wants then your lucky my friend, if not you'll have to deal with that as well, but over time you will feel better too. Don't listen to me but start the absolute no contact, one day she will be right in front of you,then it'll be your choice from there. Good luck with your recovery.

jamman