Question

[ccali78]

I feel like people tell me I am beautiful girl all the time but I do not get hit on and I do not get it. I dress nice, take care of myself but still nothing.

 

How can you tell if people are lying to you?

[Jetta]

Maybe you give off an unapproachable vibe. I know I used to. Okay maybe not, I'm looking at your picture at that doesn't seem to be it either.

[ccali78]

Okay maybe not, I'm looking at your picture at that doesn't seem to be it either.

 

 

What does that mean?

[Imprecision]

Most attractive women don't get hit on.

 

I've spoken with many attractive women about this. Most stunningly-gorgeous women don't get hit on even once a week. Most moderately-attractive women don't get hit on once a month.

 

Depends, of course, on what you mean by "hit on." I define hit on as: a guy making an overt effort to create conversation, even when the girl is hesitant.

 

Generally, waitresses get hit on more. I have an attractive waitress friend. She gets hit on between five times a week to five times a night.

 

If you want to get hit on more - smile at the guy. Send him indicators of interest, such as eye contact, etc. All guys have approach anxiety. They have deathly fear of strange, beautiful women. Eye contact turns a cold approach into a warm approach. Guys become more comfortable.

 

There's a section in Leil Lowndes's book on getting hit on more often. I suggest you download it off Kazaa. The other really good book is "The Art of Mingling." You should search your local library for it. It's written by a woman for women.

 

Stunningly-gorgeous women

 

Men have a stupid instinct, which makes them think that moderately-attractive women are friendlier than stunningly-beautiful women. Sometimes, a guy would strike up a conversation with a moderately-attractive woman, when he wouldn't do the same thing with a stunningly-gorgeous woman.

 

Of course, some guys do have the balls to approach stunningly-gorgeous woman. Being stunningly-gorgeous is no excuse not to get hit on.

 

Again, you have to send indicators of interest, so to turn a cold approach into a warm approach.

 

Bars

 

You should go to bars. Men feel more comfortable approaching women in bars than during daytime (e.g. grocery shopping).

 

If you're looking for fun, then do whatever's fun. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you should read "The Rules."

 

Rich men, high-status men, powerful men

 

Contrary to popular belief, many high-status men are deathly afraid of beautiful women. Sometimes, if you want a high-status guy, you have gently send him indicators of interest. Then, you have to initiate flirting with him. But not too much - otherwise, you would scare him off.

 

Never do anything which surrenders your power to the guy. Make him court you and do all the work.

 

Why women don't get hit on - a musing

 

Most guys are inept. Very few guys are capable of number closing during daytime (e.g. grocery shopping, in the park, downtown shopping, etc.)

 

Instead, they see a girl. They want to approach her. They don't. They have neither the courage nor the skill.

 

Amongst my circle of Vancouver guy friends (except fellow students of pick-ups), only I do daytime pick-ups at all. My guy friends don't even do bar pick-ups. The only people who do pick-ups consistently are pick-up artists, or students of pick-ups, like myself.

 

Most people who read pick-up manuals will not apply it. They don't have the discipline nor the courage to practise consistently.

 

thereforee, don't feel bad if guys don't pick you up. I would estimate fewer than 1 in 100 guys would pick up a beautiful woman crossing the street.

 

There's a geographical distinction, too. West coast men don't pick up women. East coast men do more pick-ups. European men do a lot of pick-ups.

[Jetta]

That you don't seem to give off a standoffish vibe, you seem friendly. Not sure about approachable, depends how you are in public.

[cs90453]

It's true...it's hard for me to approach a beautiful woman. Not sure why but I guess that it's intimidating to approach one. Maybe alot of guys feel that you're out of their league. Not sure what to tell you how to get around that.

[ccali78]

But I am definitely am not out of anyone's league so what else could it be? How do you know if people are only telling you that you are beautiful

[Whiplash Girl Child]

No offense, but at 29 you should not be worrying about whether other people are telling the truth or not when they say that you're pretty or beautiful. I say this because other people's opinions shouldn't matter because they're just that: opinions. What's beautiful to one is ugly to another, and vice versa.

 

I think you need to look more into your own perception of your level of attractiveness. Do YOU think you're pretty? Do you feel confident in yourself? Why/why not?

 

Seems that you might have a deeper issue here to sort out.

[ccali78]

Actually I do think I am beautiful... It is not my own perception I was getting at. It is why I do not get hit on more and more looking for advice.

 

But thanks for trying

[Whiplash Girl Child]

perhaps it's your attitude, the vibes that you give off, or the way you carry yourself.

 

ever notice the not-so-attractive girl who seems, to us, to be strangely confident, having a ball, talking and laughing, with a couple of guys around her?

 

attitude is everything, they say.

[ycmanvs]

I think it is true that most men have a hard time talking to good looking women. I know that most men will go talk to the "ugly friend", just so they can find stuff out about the "beautiful" one. I did some modeling when I was younger, so I hung out with a group of very attractive women...and no one ever hit on us, unless they were extremely drunk.

It is all really strange. My experience has been that if you want to meet someone and you are good looking, you have to show them interest first...otherwise, they will not do or say anything.

I have had men tell me that they have had crushes on me for more than 10 years, but did not think that I liked them....so they never said anything.

[ccali78]

Thanks for the advice. I do have an outgoing personality but do also not talk to men I am attracted to. Probably for the same reasons listed. I guess I can give it a try and talk to people that I am somewhat interested in and see what happens.

 

What would be some good conversation starters?

[Zeitgeist]

Thanks for the advice. I do have an outgoing personality but do also not talk to men I am attracted to. Probably for the same reasons listed. I guess I can give it a try and talk to people that I am somewhat interested in and see what happens.

 

What would be some good conversation starters?

Depends on the situation, but you're a pretty attractive girl - I don't think you need to try all that hard. All you need to do is nudge the ball to get it rolling. Most of us men like our egos stoked in the form of asking for our advice, help, or opinion. For example, if you're at a video rental store and you see a guy you like, you can tell him you're having a tough time picking out a movie for you and a friend and if he can recommend anything. At a bar, you can compliment a guy on an article of clothing (shirt, shoes, whatever) and ask him where he got it. At the gym - compliment him on his athleticism and wish out loud that you could be as athletic. Flattery will get you far. You have nothing to lose because even if you're not his type or he has a serious GF, you will have made his day at the very least. Men are EASY.

 

If you're willing to undergo a minor lifestyle change, get a dog. Make sure it's a likable dog though - there are many annoying ones. I have a dog and let me tell you, you can tell a lot about an owner by their dog.