Lost and confused

[Socalsteve]

I recently lost my girlfriend of two years. She left me without notice the day after Christmas. We practically lived together for six months. She was accross the street so typically we would sleep over at eachothers place. The overall theme was always trying to get me to change. SHe said i didn't pay enough attention to her and always put my friends first. So at first i blamed myself, my friends, even family. Intimacy ended between us about a month before Christmas, and right around that time i began hearing complaints that she was "unhappy". She moved in with a room mate she works with about a week prior to Christmas. THings were really different then. We exchanged gifts on Christmas but it was weird. The very next day she called me and said she met someone at the mall where she worked, and that she was breaking things off. I was devistated to say the least. She refused to speak with me about why it is we ended things. She said, "People break up all the time, deal with it." I couldn't believe it, someone i knew for over two years being this cold. When i went to get my stuff back, she had some guys ring and his photographs from a trip he went on next to her bed. I was crushed. When i tried calling one last time about a week after we split, she let me know she was changing her number. What is going on in my life? Any advice?

[neallo82288]

Welcome to the wonderful world of eNotalone!!!

 

 

Well, hate to tell you, but man it is over. Leave her alone and let her go. I know there are a lot of questions going through your head and rightfully so, but some things are just better left alone. Leave her alone and never contact her for any reason no reason what so ever. This will give you time to heal. There are several post that you should look at but the first being this one:

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

What you have to remember is that the no contact is for your benefit more than theirs. It gives you a chance to better yourself both physically and mentally. You are going to have lots of free time and it is what you do with this free time that counts. Read books that improve your whole self and work out. Do not sit idelly waiting for them to call. A watched phone never rings.

 

When I went through this a short time ago, I waited for the phone to ring. But I found this great site here and started helping others and receiving help and through it all I came out a better person. I am stronger now than ever before and smater too. There is no cure for the loss you are suffering except time itself and that healing is a long process and the sooner you start the easier it will be on you. Trust me the no contact thing works wonders if you use the time to your advantage.

 

Good Luck

[crookster_man]

Well it would appear that you are going through a rough break up. Though she may be acting in a rather rude way, her actions are for the best. (breaking of contact). It's far easier for you if you cut contact with this person. Clearly she is a source of agony for you. Being in contact with her will only serve to fuel the fires.

 

Don't get me wrong, when I read your post I felt your pain. How she went about this breakup was insensitive and cruel. Clearly she has little respect for you if she is able to so callously throw you away.

 

You yourself said that things had changed between you. You were aware that the end was drawing near. This relationship ran it's course, you both had gained what you needed from it. It was time to walk away. People come into our lives to help us grow and experience new things.

Relationships exist to provide us with learning experiences, when we travel on diverging paths, the relationship usually comes to an end.

 

My advice to you would be to cherish the memories, reflect on your experiences and start down the path of healing. Do not think that because she "found someone else" that you are some way at fault. Emotions are unpredictable things. Understanding their impermanence will help you understand what has happened to you and help to focus on your personal growth.

 

We will be here for you, good luck please keep us up to date on your situation.

[QTpie87]

this girl sounds like a bum! i wouldn't want her, really don't feel bad about this, you can do better then her, she isn't worthy of you. that is full of bs and she should be the one told not to contact you.

[Socalsteve]

I really appreciate the time put forth to respond to my posting. Thank you. The only other new thing with the situation is when i talked to her step mother. I decided to call her because my ex informed me that she would be sending her family over to "retrieve" her stuff. Well, this was a lie. The step mom had no clue, in fact she thought we were still together. We spoke for over two hours and i learned so much about the girl i was with that i knew nothing about. It turns out that she almost destroyed her parents marriage because she is a control freak. She went on to tell me that se was shocked i stayed with Danielle as long as i did. Her reasoning was because i am pursuing law school and my ex is not the most educational sound person. Not that there is anything wrong with not going to college, i think she was just saying our relationship probably lacked substance. Which she was right. I found out she has a lot of emotional problems. For example her mother died when she was three, and her grandfather molested her at a young age. So wow, there is a lot of baggage there that i was unaware of. The step mom went on to add that i should change my number and thank God it is over. She said Danielle is very dramatic and lives her life like constantly adapting to whatever situation or people she may be in contact with. Apparently she has many identity issues that hse has went through counseling for. SO at this point i am really lost, i worry about her and care, but i am so angry that she would shut me out by changing her number. She refuses to take my calls at her work too. I give up i guess. I just can't imagine someone being this cold? Her friend called me about a week ago to tell me that she wasn't with anyone, the guy was only a firend. Whatever. Now what?