Sex with my boss

[SecretsGirl]

Hi Everyone,

Firstly i'll apologise for the length of this post but any help will be very useful to me.

Okay - here's my situation. 6 months ago i started a new job and straight away i got on well with my boss. He's 25 and i'm 18. We only saw each in work at first but he would the make the effort to see me each day and sometimes stayed at work later than he had to. Then we started went out at weekends with some other work friends and even though at this time i had a boyfriend he was very affectionate, always putting his arm round me, & paid me a lot of attention. Things were going wrong with my boyfriend and i had a few personal problems and he (my boss) was always there for me as a friend to listen and he did everything he could to help.

I split up with my boyfriend in November and one night after this i was at work me and my boss ended up kissing. No-one else at work ever found out and it happened again several times. He would phone me virtually everynight after work, i liked him because there was never any pressure from him (unlike with my ex). We never analysed our relationship - it just was what it was. However, i always had doubts about whether i was the only girl who he phoned regulary. When i was with him he made me feel like the centre of his work...but i thought there was a chance that he could make other girls feel like that too.

I had to change jobs in early December but we continued to see each other, meeting at a place convenient for both of us (theres quite a distance between where we live). Over Christmas i still heard from him everyday but we couldn't see each other until this week. This time i went to his place. As the subject will have told you...we ended up having sex. I was completely unexpected from both of us but it was amazing. We spent the rest of the day in bed - sleeping & talking. The problem is that over the last few days since it happened i've heard less from him then i usually do. Maybe it meant more to me than him? For all i know he culd have slept with someone else since...i don't know what to think.

Do you think i made a big mistake by sleeping with him relatively soon? Could he just forget me now?

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appriciated

Thankyou,

SecretsGirl xx

[jamin]

Do you think i made a big mistake by sleeping with him relatively soon? Could he just forget me now?

 

He could, but it depends on what kind of person that he is. You need to be straightforward with him. Tell him that you are looking for a relationship and not just a one night stand.

 

This may or may not turn out well for you. But atleast you will know what he is looking for. It is also good that he isn't your boss anymore, because that can be very complicated. Best of luck to you and take it slow if you want to have a good relationship

[SecretsGirl]

Hi, thanks for your comments

It is a good thing he's not my boss now!! lol. I don't think that i should ask for a relationship though, i don't even know if i want that, my relationship with my ex was very difficult towards the end i'm not ready for that again. I'm just concerned that i've lost what i had with this guy before we slept together. I'd rather try and keep him as a friend than repeat what happened the other day and risk losing him completely (however good it was! )

He might just be very busy recently, i just don't want to lose what i thought was a good friendship (even though there was obvious attraction between us). Could he think of me differently now?

Thanks for any help

xx

[jamin]

The nature of your friendship has changed now. Still, you need to find out what he is looking for and if this is the same thing that you want.

 

Maybe he does not know what you want because you just ended this other relationship. (You also bring up a good point of him being busy, he is a boss) He might be as confused as you are, so talking about this would be good.

 

Hopefully this helps and I am not rambling too much

[SecretsGirl]

Thankyou, this is useful. I can't really discuss this with my friends cos they would strongly disagree with me sleeping with him because he had been my boss, and because of his age (which i don't see as an issue). But it felt right at the time and thankfully i don't regret it now. Only worried about it's concequences. I have exams this coming week so i can't see him then but he phoned just now ( ) and we arranged to see each other next weekend.

You're right, i do need to talk to him. I'm slightly worried about what my parents would say if they found out as i still live at home. 18 and 25 isn't too bad is it?

xx

[Shari]

I ,too, do not believe age is the issue. It might be ,as some have said, that he really isn't certain how to proceed given the fact that you just ended a relationship.

Life is hectic at best, given the fact that he is in some level of management his plate may be full and he hasn't realized how much time has passed. Equally, as he may not be having second thoughts, he may be sorting out the in's and out's "what if's" about your relationship. How it might look to others given the fact that he was recently your boss. that he may have taken advantage of his position--what others might think--maybe what HIS boss might think. Rumors run rampant in companies, the juiceier the better. He may be considering how to best continue your relationship without raising any eye-brows.

good luck and thanks for your comments.

Shari

[SecretsGirl]

Actually, i think it has already got back to his boss. As he isn't my boss anymore there that shouldn't be a problem. I know he hasn't had any trouble at work because of it. While i was working with him there were often comments from other workers that we seemed to be getting on well and it was noticed that there was a chemistry between us. If anything develops i don't think that people would be very surprised by it. I'm trying hard not to become too attached to him because at the back of my mind i don't think this will be as long lasting as i may already want.

xx