how do u stop wanting a girl who already has a bf?

[whitefang]

Im in love with my best friend but she already got a bf. I have finally accepted that i can't do anything to change it, without hurting her i don't want to see her cry. So how do i get out of my system and stop thinking of her being anything more than just a friend.

 

I say to myself every weekend that im going to stop thinking of her as ever being my gf. But when im with her during the week i can't, it's so hard im 19 and she's 16 but when im with her she makes me feel 16 and the feelings that i experince when im with her, their just so amazing.

 

I wan't to be just friends when im not with her, but when i am with her i wan't to be more than just friends. It's driving me nuts...

 

Has this happened to anyone else, if so how do you stop these feelings and wants that i keep getting when im with her.

 

Any advice would be appricated.

 

Thanks

 

- whitefang

[crookster_man]

Well my advice to you would be to distance yourself from her for a while. A little space will allow you to have some perspective on the situation. Un requited love is very difficult to deal with, but you don't have to be by the person, which will constantly remind you of what you do not have.

 

If she has made it clear that she isn't interested in you then it's best you respect her wishes and let her be. She is rather young, girls at that age tend to change their minds quite often, you never know, she might change her view of you some day.

[whitefang]

Hi crookster_man,

 

Thanks for replying to my post. There's a little problem, she in the same college as me doing the same course. Were best friends, so it's quite hard to distance myself from her when we spend most of our college time together. I have tried asking to be alone, but when i do that she always asks why and i for some reason i can never lie to her. I know that she's young and that girls that age tend to change their minds alot but she's very mature for her age.

 

- whitefang

[Lilu]

Hi...

 

First of all, I haven't had an experience such as this, so i hope you don't mind me supporting you anyway. I bet it's hard to feel this way about someone (especially a friend) who is involved in a relationship already. You've said you have tried to take her out of your mind, etc... and it's been very hard. Well, i understand you in that part. It is not easy to take someone of our minds, or our hearts...but.....if you know defenetely that she is happy with her boyfriend...then..you will have to do all your best to keep treating her like a friend. But, if she is not happy in her relationship, and think she's getting out of it...THEN you can talk to her about your feelings towards her.

 

Sometimes, depending on the situation...one has to be completaly honest with the person you like or love but if you see that they are happy etc, you shouldnt jeopordize what they have. Be strong, and analize all of this well so you can try not to break anyones heart here.

 

Wish you the best!

 

Lilu

[whitefang]

Hi Lilu,

 

Thanks for replying, i supose i will have to take each day as it comes with and try not thinking of her as being a possible gf. Were both open and honest with her we share our secrets to each other, im sure i know things that she hasn't told her bf, which makes me kinda special i guess. But i haven't told her my feelings for her because im sure that it will destroy our friendship.

 

As i said above, i'll have to take each day as it comes with her. Thanks for your support, much apprecited.

 

Thanks.

 

- whitefang

[JohnDoe]

I know exactly how you feel. There is a girl that I like and I was about to ask her out, and found out just prior that she had started going out with someone else. The thing with me is that I told her and that sort of kind of pissed off her boyfriend. Not a good move, but things have settled down now.

 

Here's the thing, regardless of the fact that she is going out with someone else, your feelings for her aren't going to change. Just make sure that she always knows that you are there for her if she needs you. If things don't work out between them, it is your turn to step in and comfort her, especially if he was the one responsible for their breakup. The only thing you have to watch is that you can't storm into the situation ten seconds after they break up, in a vulture like manner, you have to be a little more sympathetic, etc. Just hang in there, I am sure that it will work out for you in the end, at least I hope that it does.

 

Best of luck to you,

 

John

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey Whitefang

 

I myself have been in your situation before, lol ok just once or twice which I actually did want the girl instead of just fooling around. Crookster Man and JohnDoe have made really good points.

 

Crookster Man's got it pretty straight with avoiding her. You have to make a choice, what do you want to be, the best friend or a boyfriend? If you want to be her best friend, then do what's right for your friendship and do what she would want you to do, not break up her relationship with another guy. You should just tell her that you like her and you're avoiding her because things are awkward between u's right now. Friendships are easier to build than a big fight.

 

On the other hand if you considered you wanted to be her boyfriend then this can really screw you over and its usually not the recommended way to go. As JohnDoe mentioned, this move can get you a black eye or perhaps a few. But it can also make your friend see how much you'd go just for her and who knows she could fall for you. But think about it this way as well, if she can dump her current bf for you, how can you be so sure that so might not do the same to you for another guy one day? In addition, you pulling such a move on her is definitely going to cause complications between her and her current bf, maybe even fights and she could get seriously annoyed at you for doing what you did even thought you couldn't help it.

 

I reckon ur just thinking too much right now, give it some time, try a month or two and you should start realising things. Distance yourself, she's probably busier these days with her new bf anyway. I know its hard but these things happen a lot and trust me, ur better off with the 1st option.

 

'Luck

Happy Heb

[Drusilla]

Hi Whitefang,

 

I've been in, or should I say am in, your situation and all I can say to you is to hang in there. Unfortunately if you totally love this girl, I hate to say it, but you could never get over her. For me it's been 6 years now. And I've tried the distancing thing - in fact I have no choice as he now lives in another country. But I still think about him all the time. It does get easier... I may only think about him a couple of times a week during a good week.

I made one big mistake though... I never told him how I felt when I had the chance to do so.... and I do regret that. He had a gf then and I felt the time wasn't right.....Now years on he has the most amazing and gorgeous of girlfriends and I have a relationship of my own... but I know for me he was the one true and complete love of my life. You have to decide whether you can live with not expressing your feelings. I delayed too long and now it eats me up inside. I wish I had been strong enough to put myself on the line because at least that way I would know. If I knew there was no way he could ever return my feelings I could move on. Instead I'm stuck looking back to the past where we had a fleeting fling and it makes me feel absolutely sick.

Don't let this be you in 6 years time. It's not a nice place to be in. If you're rejected you can, in time, move on...... and if you're not rejected... well I wish nothing but the best....

What ever you decide, I hope it works out for you.

 

Drusilla.

[whitefang]

Welcome to eNotalone.com,

 

Hi Drusilla, thanks for replying. I have been wanting to tell for the last 3 months but i'm afraid of being rejected by her and losing our friendship. Because we know everything about each other, im quite sure that i know some things that her bf doesn't. Were the best of friends, last week on Tuesday she came to college and she cried in my arms, she had a big argument with her bf and she made me promise not to tell her mum when i went to her house on Wednesday. She didn't come to college on Thursday and Friday, she told me that she was ill. I sent her txt and she told me not to worry about her (but i do). I wondering whether she's had another argument with her bf and dosen't want come to college. She didn't even come to the door when i took her assignments to her house, her sister answered and said she was in bed.

 

She knows that i care for her, but not the way she thinks. I love her so much that i would do anything just to make her smile. I havn't had a txt from her to say that she's gonna be in college tomorrow. If she's not in do you think i should i go visit her.

 

I worry so much about her, i'd love to confess my feelings to her as i said above i don't want to destory our friendship. If that happened i would have to quit my college course, because were doing the same course i couldn't bear seeing after confessing, as much as i want to.

 

Thanks for listen.

 

- whitefang

[Drusilla]

Hi again ...

 

I think if she hasn't come to college today, perhaps give her a ring instead of texting her. You could tell her you were worried about her and wanted to make sure she was ok. You're more likely to get an honest response from her if you call rather than text and at least then you'll know if she is ok and you wont have to worry needlessly.

In response to telling her how you feel... if you are worried about any effect it may have on your course... wait til the year is out... it's not a long time in the grand scheme of things and you can continue to be supportive for her in the relationship she's in.... and who knows.... she may be single by then....

If you do decide to tell her, I wouldn't worry too much about the effect it may have on your friendship. A best friend will understand even if they don't want the same as you do. It may be a bit awkward for a while... but on the other hand it may not... and perhaps she may even want the same as you and be equally as unsure about what to do as you are.

At least you have a big advantage in that you can be there for her. Support her, talk to her and have fun with her and maybe make the decision to tell her how you feel at the end of the semister. You'll probably find that if you at least come to that decision it will make the next few months go by that much easier.

 

I know it's tough but stay strong....

 

Dru.

[whitefang]

Thanks for replying Dru,

 

She turned up for college today which made me happy. We had a fun day and joked about, which i enjoyed . It turns out that her bf might be jelous of me, she told me that he thinks that i fancy her (which i do, but she doesn't need to know yet). After today im a little happier about being with her, my feelings are still the same and i've come to the conclusion that their always gonna be there until i confess my love to her. But at the moment i feel i can be the best friend that i can for her. If i keep reminding myself that i might have a chance with her im sure that i can be strong (some way ).

 

Thanks for the advice and your support, much appriciated.

 

Regards

 

- whitefang