Ex-good friend is mutual friend with my past relationship

[blackswan]

Hello all,

 

I just like some opinion.

 

I went out with a male colleague M, didn't work but we remained friends. F was a new colleague. I took it up to introduced her colleagues & friends including M. Even asked M to take care of F while I was away. We all became good friends. M asked F out when he couldn't get hold of me, I thought it was just being friends.

 

Things got ugly with M that we did not speak. M confided his sadness to F. I didn't wanna put my problem on others so I didn't tell F much. occasionally F would tell me M's life & my life to M. It made me uncomfortable.

 

By chance I found out from F that M invited her to a party. I told her I'm feeling difficult & she felt angry because she reckon she's wrongly accused. She insisted they were just normal friends & went to the party.

 

I talked to M. M said F is nicer because she never let him down. I got really angry & sad. M still liked me & tried to get me back. At the same time I felt he cares about F. I tried to be as nice as before & maintained friendship with F, yet deep down I felt my trust in her was shaken.

 

F was away. During this time my relationship with M got horrible. He told me he was after F because he thought F likes him & he just wanted care. He even told me that he tries every female around & will go after F. We split.

 

F returned & said she doesn't wanna know or get involved. Due to some misunderstanding, we got distant. M was approachful to F. F reckon M's a nice person & had been very good to her, she sees no reason to ignore him. She also said she got a boyfriend at home. There were many contradictions in what she said & did. We stopped talking.

 

Work end of year party came & I saw them together all night into the after-party. I felt bad. She told me she wasn't allocated seat & had no choice. I didn't find it persuasive because she didn't have to be like his partner all night.

 

Today I saw them leaving work together & had enough. I told her to let it be, I want a break. She said angrily I always ask others to care about my feelings but that I don't care about others' feelings. She insisted they were very normal friend. I know when she's angry she can say hurtful things. However now it's making me think whether I'm really inconsiderate of others' feelings.

 

I think she wants to be friend but she doesn't know how. She's been doing things which I thought incosiderate, breaking trust & lacking care. I already decided if M kept approaching F & F accepts the approach, I can no longer be good friend or even friend with her.

[tiger_lilies]

Wow, this is a classic case of a Love Triangle. These can be difficult to deal with and especially ironic that you were the one to introduce them to each other.

 

I am going through a weird Love Triangle myself. I recently found out that my best friend was sexually involved with my respective boyfriend in the past. My b/f was the one who told me, my best friend has never mentioned anything to me.

I'm not sure how to handle this myself...I am actually thinking of never hanging out with the two of them at the same time. Meaning, I'm going to try to keep them separate from each other.

 

It makes me uncomfortable to be with both of them at the same time, I imagine you feel the same why with both M and F.

 

I guess you should ask yourself if you want to continue your friendship with F and if you still have feelings for M. It might be better if you try to keep them separate.

 

Good Luck!

[blackswan]

In your case, even if you try to separate them, they can still get together without you. You won't know what to look out for. Are you ok to hang out with either one still?

 

I don't talk to M & never will. I can't talk to F without flashbacks so I don't talk to her either. She doesn't know what he told me, reckon he's only being a good friend to her & there's nothing in between. I don't suspect there's something in between but telling her what he said only made me seem like a bad person trying to break-up their friendship.

 

I'm walking out just because they are too close, hence if sex is involved I'll be more determined.