Is she really too young for me??

[Gero]

Hello guys!!

 

I'm Gero from London, recently I made a friendship on the net with a girl in Australia she's 16 yrs of age and she has many qualities that Ive been looking for in a woman/girl. Now, I am 36 yrs of age and wonder whether it's realistic to have a relationship with her. I'm not into young girls or anything like that, just that she seems perfect for me - apart from her age.

 

I told her that she is still growing up and she may change her mind about me when she gets to a certain age (20's) she says that's being negative!! I told her to look for someone her own age or slightly older 20 or so, but she said she doesn't like the idea. I gathered that she wants a kind of father figure, cause her Dad died when she was young.

 

So I am a bit confused on this one. Any advice will be appreciated, thankyou.

[lil_mamarains13]

Well she is a minor so realistically speaking that would not be a good idea to get into a relationship with her until she is older. If it were meant to be it will. Getting into the father figure part of it could wind up getting yourself hurt. I think if that is the case you should be a good friend to her because she may get older and realize that she wants to be with someone her own age. Would you date your mother? I don't think so. If she is looking for a father figure she is interested in you for the wrong reasons, and I am sorry if that hurts, but it is the truth. Well I hope I helped some. Good Luck.

[Gero]

Mamarian : Thanks for your advice, I would not date my mother, but I would date an older woman if we were in love I suppose. My mother got married to my father when she was 14 and he was 18 and their relationship has lasted for over 50 yrs, though the age gap is only 4yrs.

 

Swingfox : Thanks

 

Don't know why being a father figure is wrong or wind up getting hurt, in many cultures and even in our own culture a few decades ago women used to marry men much older than themselves, weren't they looking for a similar kind of thing?

[lil_mamarains13]

I wasn't meaning for it to sound like would you marry your mother? I was meaning would you marry someone who you wanted to be a mother like figure to you. I know I wouldn't want to marry a guy to be a father like figure to me because that would be weird for one, and for two you fall in love with someone for who they are not what you want them to be. If she is falling in love with you because she wants you to be a father figure to her that will only last so long, and then she will move on, and leave you hurt. Sorry that did not sound right earlier.

[akatoro]

I am sorry, but Yes.

 

Though I have no problem with age gap relationships otherwise, she is, as already stated, a minor and twenty years younger than you.

There's a large gap inbetween there..

 

Here are some hypothetical questions just there to see what might happen would a relationship occur

But I guess such a relationship could exist if you were willing to wait till she was "old enough" and deal with other peoples assumptions and prejudice. In every store, or dinner or whatnot, people would/could comment on how lovely your daughter is.

- Would you tell them that she is your girlfriend and risk loosing respect in their eyes? If you do, then that's all great - you're very serious about it. If not, are you planning on cutting her loose once she's fallen over the reeling of the boat and save your own skin from being dragged down?

 

- Would you be able to handle the fact that people around you would assume that you have a lolita complex?

 

- Would you be able to help her once her surroundings sneer at her for being with an older man? Would she?

 

- Take some time to ponder on this issue. Love is very important and binding and would you go so far as to sacrifice a possible career just to be with her? Employers could find something wrong in having a relationship like that - not that I agree that they should snoop into the employees personal lives.

 

They are some pretty harsh questions and I'm not saying that they'll necessarily come true in real life. But it could be good to ask yourself some of these questions 'cause they could just as well happen.

And I am sorry that I cannot give you any positive advice on this question of yours.. But I do hope that everything works out for the best and with the best possible outcome.

[JSHRN]

I'm with SwingFox on this one. I myself favor age gap relationships (what I consider greater than 5 years). However, your situation is, to say the least, very delicate. She's 16 (and a minor). I would suggest remaining strictly friends with her at this time or else you're risking a very precarious situation (called jail). In a few years (when she's of legal age) and if it's meant to be, here are some questions you may wish to ask yourself (and her):

 

How do you feel this will hinder or help your relationship?

 

What are your family's, closest friends and peer's viewpoints on age gap relationships?

 

Do you worry that because of the age gap factor your partner will desire someone else?

 

How many things in common do you have, really? The more honest you are with yourself now, the higher your chance of success in this relationship.

 

Are you, or do you feel you might be carrying the emotional weight for your partner?

 

What does, or would, your partner contribute to the relationship?

 

The bottom line: No matter how you think you or your partner may handle a situation, you will always run into someone who can push your buttons. Your relationship will survive to the extent you are able to handle these situations, and remain confident in yourself and each other.

 

Good luck.

 

JSHRN

[bubbleme]

I feel I should offer my opinion having been in the situation myself. I was 17 when I met and fell in love with a 33 yr old man. We both at first thought it was just a bit of fun, but as time went on we got a lot more serious. However our lives started to take us in different directions. The second year of our relationship we both did a bit of travelling and we made it through a total of 6 months apart. However when I moved 1 hr away to Uni, he found it too difficult and bailed out.

In an age gap relationship you are at different points in your life. This is jumping the gun abit but: you are going to be ready, financially and emotionally, to settle down much earlier than this girl.

Think back on the last 15 yrs of your life and all you have done. She still has all this to come, would you be able to stand by her as she goes through her 20s-clubbing, partying, perhaps college/uni etc?

I disagree that this girl is looking for a father figure, it is possible, but I think people often jump to this conclusion when a young girl falls for an older man and it's often no true.

The main problem I see here is that she is in Australia and you are in England. Thats a bloody long way away! As I said before my ex and I spent 6 months apart and it was hell at times, are you sure you want to put yourself through that?

Before you make the decision to go for this or not I'll give you some idea of what to expect by mentioning some of the problems we faced in our 2 yr relationship.

The first problem was worrying what other people would think. The worry of other's opinions meant my ex kept me a secret from his friends and family a long time after I told mine. This made me feel that he was ashamed of me.

Akatoro was right when she mentioned other peoples assumptions and opinions, just walking down the street my ex would get nasty looks from blokes.

As he was 14 years older he had 14 years more relationship experience on me; that was a lot of ex girlfriend baggage for me to deal with at 17. He had lived with 3 girls before he met me, and that made me feel insecure at times. Also this girl will still be learning about relationships, it'll be a steep learning curve for her, and you may find this frustrating at times.

Well, I have listed a few problems I encounted in my relationship, and it's all very negative.

But I would like to say that if you really believe that you can deal with these potential problems and this girl can make you happy then go for it!

Despite the issues me and my ex had, it was a wonderful, passionate, loving relationship and I would do it all again.

The age gap will only be a problem if you let it.

Sorry this is a bit long, hope it helps in some way x

[routerx]

Yes, she's too young for you.

 

Do her a favor and let her live a normal life. Don't put your desires (or HER desires) before what is BEST for her.

 

Be a leader.

 

Be a role model.

 

Let her go.

[Luvs 2 b luvd]

I think u shud wait till shes older to decide this...personally im not against this. But waiting till she's 18 or so might be good because then she will be a little more mature. Believe it or not she might just find another guy in her area. Just stay true to yourself and talk it over with her! Age won't be a problem if your causcious. Good luck!

 

~ luvs 2 b luvd ~