is he falling out of love with me?

[natash24]

Hi all,

 

First of all thanks for taking the time to read my post. Well I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. He is 32 and I am 25. He says he loves me but at the same time we're not very passionate. We just hang out and most of the time it's me who asks him if he wants to hang out. he's very hard to communicate with and a lot of times we're pretty silent with each other. Like we just went on a trip where we had to drive 7 hours with each other and we spoke to each other twice. Is this normal for two people who are supposedly in love with each other? I want to know if this guy loves me so I don't waste my time. For the record, this trip he took me on was for Valentine's day but I got sick for most of it and he went off skiing while I was in the room. He asked me if I wanted to go home but I told him that we drove so far we migth as well stay . Shouldn't he have stayed with me instead of leaving me to fend for myself or are men that clueless. Also he makes at least 6 figures and he made plans to take me to a cheap $80 a night motel for Valentine's day for those three days. Only after I complained did he change it. I keep on having this feeling that his feelings for me have died down and a lot of times we don't have much to talk to each other about. Is that a sign of falling out of love? Please help . Thanks.

[mermayd]

I dont think you are falling out of love with eachother. first of all, he may just have a hard time communicating and opening up. My bf and I are both 21. We have been together for 9 months. It hasnt been until this last month that he has started to open up to me. I have asked him many times to talk to me about himself or anything, but he had to wait until he was ready to do so. He and I took a long drive as well...a 12 hour one (it should have only been 5 ) But most of the time we listened to music and hardly talked at all. As far as your vacation, yes, he should have stayed with you, but some men can be clueless sometimes. Did you express to him that you wished him to stay with you? Sometimes they need to be told in order to really see it. He was probably just too involved in the activities. I know that I would have to sell it out to my bf if I were in that situation and he were snowboarding...he wouldnt think about it unless I said something. I don't think that you should feel badly about staying in a $80 hotel/motel. That probably didn't even cross his mind. But he did change after you brought it to his attention. That is really what is important. I think that you are fine. You should try to work on your communication skills that are present within yourself and they will soon rub off on him. Tell him what bothers you and be as open with him as you would like him to be with you. And be patient, he will come around when he is ready...like i said, it took my bf 8 months before he opened up...

[SwingFox]

Hi Natash,

 

Thank you for posting to this forum. Mermay almost said it all. Have a little patient with him, but keep trying to communicate with him. Vary positive words and compliments with your questions and you'll do great. You need to tell him what you feel and what your expectations are out of this relation with him, being able to enjoy it to the max.

 

However, and this is going to be my addition, be advised that you can only do so much. Don't loose track of YOU being happy in life. If you really feel that you did try everything, it might be a good idea to go your separate ways again. Love goes both ways and in love communication plays a very big part. I think it wouldn't be fair when you have to walk on your toes all the times, to keep up with him.

 

I hope this helped you some, too and wish you good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bleeder]

Hi,

 

There are really 2 modes where silence itself is concerned.

 

One, is the one which most people face, which is being frustrated when silence falls and neither party is talking. This could be credited to a million reasons. A conflict of interests or the lack of it, restrained anger etc. It is not easy to go about this. It takes effort. For you and your partner to make a conscious effort to open up. Speak your mind to him and see how he reacts. Of course, all of this takes time. So do be patient.

 

The second type of silence I was referring to, is the sort you see amongst "well established" couples. Those who seem to know every bit and cranny of their mutuals thoughts. You might know of friends or couples who can be so at ease in silence. This, takes years of sharing and emotional bonding.

 

Something I am hoping to achieve someday.

[natash24]

Thanks for the advice all. I have come to find out my boyfriend really does love me but is quite clueless about things. It might be that he has only child syndrome where he is a bit spoiled and selfish but it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I suppose I will just have to see if I can live with it for the rest of my life. PArt of me thinks I can help him grow but that's changing a person and I don't know how to go about it. Any suggestions?

[mermayd]

The only insight I really think I can give is this:

You cannot change anyone...you can only influence them.

 

This has helped me realize many thing about many people and accept them. I think your bf is just in need to grow more in this area. I truly believe that in time and with patience, and your influence, he will do so.

[bleeder]

That's true. We do not have the power to change anyone. But we can do our utmost to influence them in ways we think are best.

 

Only you alone can decide if love is enough to cover all those negative traits. Cheers.

[Alla_Aleks]

natash24

 

You have been dating only for 6 months, haven't you? In my opinion it's very short time to figure out it's a person which you want to share you life with or not/ We will see!