On the right track?

[martin6565]

Hi Guys...

 

I am the dumper in the relationship of 2+ years. (Just want to get that out of the way because many here are dumpees, and i'm aware there's a different WAY of doing things if YOU were the one who broke it off)

 

With that said, we've been apart for months now, and just recently we've been starting to hang out, speak, text regularly. She's getting more and more flirty with me, suggesting we meet up, etc. We've even kissed a few times. I'm NOT looking for a "fb", i'm looking to rekindle the relationship. I'm not expecting her to jump back into my arms and everything be 'lovey-dovey'. I'm going to have to work and show her that i'm being true...

 

I'm moving VERY slowly here, she's receptive to everything i'm doing, but I want to make sure i'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not getting mad/jealous when she hangs out with her girl or guy friends, try to text to see whats up every so often, and even schedule to meet up. Most of the time when I ask to hang out with her she says she's busy, but always takes the time to suggest another day, we meet up and get along great.

 

What would you suggest I do to keep this going? I want to escalate, show, pursue; but not overdo it. From a dumpee's point of view, how would you want your dumper to act if you're "making them work for it", and what's going through your mind if your "testing" the dumper like this to make sure they're being honest with their intentions?

[Caterina]

This makes absolutely no sense to me. If you want her in a relationship again, say so.

[martin6565]

Ah,

 

Left out a big part, when I originally pitched the idea, she said "she needs some time and space. I also feel the best approach is to be direct- I was in the beginning and told her up front that I wanted to get back together...so i'm trying, showing, and she seems receptive

[Caterina]

One can only hope. I don't know what to tell you--- its up to her. Hopefully you learned a lesson from this...breaking up was definetly a mistake if you want her back. Just keep doing your best to win her back.

[Maclauren]

Be true to yourself. If you want her back... just shoot it straight

[ljoy74]

If my ex was going to try to get back with me I would need him to basically kiss the ground I walk on. I know that might sound harsch but this guy was my best friend and he broke my heart. I would need to be reassured to the point of belief that he would NEVER put me through what he did the first time and that would take alot of time. The girl you're pursuing probably needs space because she doesn't know what she would do if you broke her heart a second time. I wouldn't be as receptive as your girl is, I'd be a little standoff-ish, especially if my ex tried to kiss me. Also, she probably knows that if y'all were to get back together things wouldn't go back to being exactly like they had been.

Give her the time and space she asked for though.

Most girls know what they need.

[martin6565]

It's just confusing. As everyone is who comes to this site I suppose.

 

When I broke up I went NC, (needing time), she contacted a few times; and the last thing she said before I came around was something along the lines of "I'm sick of making all the effort in this relationship, it's your turn now".

 

So then I try, not to the point of literally "kissing" the ground (lol) but wearing my heart on my sleeve so she can visually see my intentions and emotions. Being a "gentleman" An adj. not quite used these days.

 

After direct 'get back together' talks she declines telling me she needs space. However a few weeks later she calls, asks to hang out, kisses ME, acts interested etc.

 

So, me being scared to ask again what we 'are', i'm casually dating her, being a gentleman. Some say to pursue and continue to do what i'm doing, others say to back off and give her what she wants, (space).

 

But how can you give someone space when you know they're testing you, and seeing if you've actually changed.

 

Tough and confusing!