What Does It Do?

[John Bendix]

I am a little confused when it comes to the topic of jealousy. I have experienced it very few times in my life and really do understand it much.

 

It is an emotion the same as many others. It can arise when someone you feel colose to acts in a way that diverts their attention from you. it can happen when you see the neighbor get a brand new car that you have always wanted. In intimate realtionships, where emotions can reach their highest peak, when you see your partner engaging in what you believe to be flirting with someone else as to showing a desire for that person. It can even arise in this instance from an image you have of your partner possibly doing this in the future.

 

In intimate relationships, you are creating an unpleasant emotion for yourself in response to someone else's actions or feelings in which you really have very little or no control over. You can feel out of control. You do not want that person to act or feel that way. The only control that you have, whether you realize it or not, are the thoughts (and the thus created emotional reaction to those thoughts) you have concerning the situation.

 

At the times that I did feel the emotion ofjealousy come about, I recognized them, accepted them and then realized that they did not do me any good. The reaction was mine. Why do I want to create such an unpleasant emotion? The only control I had over the actions and feeling of my partner was to either be with them or not. When people told me that my X had to be fooling around to be acting so strangely, I did not feel jealousy for I had no control over what she did or felt.

 

To me, it is wanting someone and the circumstances to be different than they are and feeling an unpleasant emotion in response. Is this a reason that so many jump into and out of relationships? They cannot even handle the thought or image of their partner showing their attention on someone or something other than us. It is too much a potential blow to the ego.

 

Seems to be an emotion of insecurity, which if dealt with effectively, cannot do the damage that it does. Both to ourselves and realtionships. Our ego may view this diverted attention as a threat to its own well being. A dysfunctional ego that seeks, needs, and craves, the attention of others in order to enhance itself.

 

By labeling yourself a jealous person, you have identified who you are with a fleeting emotion. The tendency would be there to react in away that defines who you imagine yourself to be. This is true with any emotion that you can conjure up. We all do this but it is to what degree we allow our ego to dominate our lives that determines our level of emotional dysfunction.