Unable to have sex with my gf (Too tight)

[Blah213]

Okay, my girlfriend is extremely tight. Before we got together, she wouldn't stick anything up there. Not even tampons, and she never fingered herself before, so she is extremely tight. I'm also kind of big, I'm about 7 1/2 - 7 3/4 inches long. So this isn't exactly easy.

 

We have attempted to have sex about 3 times. The first time we had sex she was so tight that it took 30 minutes just to get it in. When I finally did get it in, she was in a lot of pain so I pulled out and we stopped. I didn't exactly go in that far, so she wasn't in too much pain, but we just stopped because something else came up.

 

The second time we had sex I went in her much like the first, but this time with no problem getting in, but it still hurt her too much so I pulled out once more.

 

The third time we had sex I think she was worried that she wasn't going to be able to do it once more again, so we tried and we weren't able to. I went in the first time and basically went almost all in and she cried it hurt her. She asked me to go in once more 5 minutes later and this time she cried out in pain...

 

This whole thing is very frustrating. We haven't used any lubes or anything because she gets wet very well on her own. I don't know what to do.. we both want to have sex, but it seems like it just hurts her way too much. We've only tried me being on top for our position thus far. I'm not sure if she's REALLY in pain, or if she's just being a baby, because she is kind of like that. For example if something hurts her, like a stomach ache she complains about it forever. I'm totally frustrated, and so is she because we both want to have sex. I just don't know what to do! Help!

[john one]

I say keep at it knowing that it gets easier and better with every try, for the both of you. Soon, pain SHOULD become pleasure, but it might take a bit.

[Mar]

I would really suggest using a lube like Astroglide or KY jelly, anything water-based. Stay away from Vaseline or baby oil, since the oils in those may irritate either her or you. Her natural wetness may not suffice, and the extra lube won't hurt either you or her, and should make things a bit simpler and less painful. I'd also suggest that she tries going on top; that way, she can ease herself down at a rate that's comfortable for her. Beyond that, she may just be built very small, in which case there's not a whole lot you can do. But in most cases, the body DOES adjust, and she will stretch to accommodate you, it just takes time.

 

Mar

[ameliamolly]

Yep, lube is the best way to get through this. There are even ones that will stimulate you and numb her a bit (you might want to look into that). I will forward you the address of a site that has it later. On top is the best place for her to be so she can decide what feels comfortable. Since she is new at this you might want to reassure her that it is ok for her to postition herself according to what feels good for her and I am sure you will enjoy it as well.

[Ash]

She's likely getting nervous, and that won't help. Not only might she reflexively be tightening up now, she may also not be ready quite sexually yet. Are you having a long foreplay session before trying? Relaxation is very important. Other have suggested a doctor, that may be in order.

 

Either way, make sure you do everything you can to make it a relaxing experience. Perhaps for the next couple of times, avoid penetration entirely and let her know beforehand not to be bothered about that aspect of it. There are physical changes that should be occurring in her body to have her prepare for sex, perhaps part of the problem is they are not occurring. A few relaxing sessions with you getting her mind at ease again may help.

 

The other thing is, you may be too long for her, especially at first when she may not be physically prepared. Choose a position, or use self restraint so you don't go all the way in. Have her be on top if you think that will help. Pretty much all the pleasure locations for her are within the first couple of inches anyway, any more doesn't make much of a difference to her sensations although they will to you. This gives you an urge to be in all the way that may not be matched by her, so keep that in mind. If you have to push very firmly at all, then back off, it's not going to happen quite yet.

[dophar]

Ash- even though the pleasure spots aren't too far in, some women like their cervix touched by the head during sex. My ex loved it every time I pushed all the way in, hitting the wall.

 

Blah- With your size, I recommend the same as Ash. Also- try just fingering her in the meantime, and gradually increasing the amount of fingers you use.

[Ash]

dophar, yes to be honest, I have heard this too. Although I've also heard it the other way as well. My gf did like it as you mention, my wife does not like contact in that area. I was never really sure it was the cervix in both cases though, nor were they.

 

But to conclude, if there is pain, although it might be contact with the cervix, it's not definitely the cause by any means.

 

Thanks for the clarification.

[all is flawed]

i would say b/c she is so tight, finger her. she isnt used to having nething there, so you have to change that to loosen her up. do it frequently, and more fingers/deeper each time.

[Ash]

Be a little bit cautious with fingers. If you go past using a couple of them, the shape they make starts to radically differ from the real thing, and it could easily hurt just as much. I'm also not particularly convinced that this will actually work anyway. If the problem is relaxation, thinking that she's going through a process like this with an end result in mind may not ease her nerves at all.

 

I reread the initial post, and yes, from your reports of her reaction to normal aches and pains would suggest shes reacting in that way, that she's tensing up.

 

An additional notes, we should all keep in mind as responders to this post that this is somebody's girlfriend we're talking about, and although she may be a virtual entity to us, she's very real to him. We should remember how we'd want our lover viewed by others.

[all is flawed]

i actualyl was taking that into consideration, an X of mine had this problem too, and that solved it for us

[DiglyD]

When I met my ex she was a virgin and extremely tight. It took I think 2 weeks worth of trying before she was fully ready.

 

The key is to help her relax, don't rush it. Just kiss her, lick her, keep trying ever so slowly and when she says that it hurts STOP, hold her, kiss her and let her relax. Be gentle. Show her that you are t here for her both physically and emotionally . It is a big deal to her, because her body is much more sensetive then yours.

 

Try different positions, be gentle, and slooooow. There is no rush, there is no need to be frustrated. DO NOT SHOW FRUSTRATION. Show reasurance and confidence that everything is going to be ok and you are there to make her feel special. Help her feel safe and relaxed around you. Take your time.