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In new relationship-why do I still think about my ex???


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About 6-7 months ago I broke up with my ex of 3 years because I couldn't stand his drinking or verbal abuse anymore. He had moved in with me a year and a half before and things were terrible. We had *some* good times and he could be a loving caring person at times but his BS really pushed me away.

 

I left the house I was renting because he wouldn't leave. I found a new (big) house, got a couple of roommates and started a whole new life. I met a wonderful guy that I have been seeing for 5 months and we have gotten pretty serious within the last 2 months.

 

Here is the problem, I still think about my ex-bf. He quit drinking shortly after I left and finally started to get himself together. I guess it was just a little too late, and I was tired of the empty promises. Early on he and I had seen each other a few times to try to see if anything could be salvaged, but he would always start his bs even without drinking. So I made myself try to move on.

 

I hadn't talked to him for about a month, and I called him on x-mas cause I was alone and sick-I guess I was feeling emotional with the holiday and my current bf went out of town to see his family. He didn't answer and I left a message. I hadn't heard back from him till the other day when I was sitting in the nail salon...something made me turn and look out the window, and there he was...looking in at me.

 

We talked later on the phone. He still misses me terribly and cannot move on although he is trying. He said that he still loves me and if I ever want to talk about getting back together he would be willing to try. I told him that I still have love for him, but cannot go back. Too much damage has been done. He said he hopes that one day I'll change my mind, I was everything he ever needed...

 

So, I have a new bf that I am in love with, it's a very healthy relationship. I care about my ex and I am wondering if I should have given him another chance- I just don't trust his words after being let down so many times in the past. I really see a good future with the new guy. I feel so screwed up in my head over this.

 

I am mostly venting here, but does anyone have any input or points of view on this? Thanks.

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my advice, give the new guy a chance. take it slow with him, give the rship a chance to get past the honeymoon phase, get to know the "crust" of him, see how it compares to the "crust" of your ex. see if he makes you feel the way the ex did. there is such a thing as patterns in human behavior. i have a feeling with or without him drinking, the ex and u still have serious issues in terms of trust, compatibility (as a result of past antics)... if he loves you he'll still be there if the new guy turns out to be a shmuck. but it didnt work out in the past and it wasnt your fault. go with your heart...but dont forget to think with your head

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