I need some help...

[dondon79]

First off the site is helping in the fact that I'm not the first/last/only person to ever go through this.

 

Here's the situation. When she doesn't give a reason, yet says she still loves me, feels the same way, and as she broke up she said she will probably regret it, what the heck does it all mean? It's been a month and she says she wants to break off contact except for news, is it because she's afraid contact will lead to getting back together? I had so many questions, and she doesn't answer them... any help?

 

Thanks

[phantpwr]

hey don don... first... i have to say sorry you are going though this.. second.. i went though the same thing you have.. and thrid.. whatever she is thinking . you need to honor.. And trust me when I say that not listening to her needs will make you seem overbearing and she will push you away more and even resent you.... It may be posible that she is just being nice in saying those things, and really just wants out. But regardless... you need to accept it and move on.. the SAME thing happened to me. and well.. I see now my ex was not the one for me. and I have started going on dates again. and I didnt realize how desirable people find me.. cuase I alowed myself to get lost in my ex.. lost myself... anyway just know It gets better with time.. and if you ignore her.. she might come around. .. but even then i always hear that it never works out... I dont want to get back with me ex per say. but i have recently after 3 months have been in contact.. and set up a date.. lets see if it does happpen or not... but my intentions is to see someone that i spent a year with and care about.. and a small part wants to see if it goies anywhere.... But once I realized this.. i felt better about my break up... WHY should I be wasting my time trying to convice someone that Im good, smart, attractive, etc etcetc.. when there are plenty of other people that see this already. ( like friends ) and there are plenty that will see it that I dont know yet.. just have to meet......... So i now have took the focus off my ex, and onto the future.. with someone else... Love does happen, where for whatever reason.. the person wont leave... especially for no reason... she could be a commitmentphobe too... google that.. it might help.

 

Peace..

its a new year!! Dont look back.. just look ahead my man!

[neallo82288]

First off, I don't like it when people pull this stunt. Well, that said, here goes. Usually when a person starts behaving like this they tend to be hiding something. Whether it be somebody else, they are hiding. The only thing that you can do is move on. I have found that they are usually staarting to think about someone else an ex or someone new. Trust me all you can do is move on. They usually come back, but you do not want them to find you a complete mess. Leave her alone and do not contact her for no reason. This is the best advice I could give you. It serves two purposes:

1) gives you time to heal and make yourself better person inside.

2) makes them wonder about you and actually miss you.

 

Leave her to herself and see if she doesn't come back in a couple of months. Do not wait on her move on with your life and find the next love of your life.

[sleepers]

i m going thru almost the same problem as u are. Other than the roles being reversed. (ie, ex bf doing the same thing as ur ex gf is doing)

 

I really do admire 'phantpwr' for his courage and whatever he did to his ex. It sounds something impossible that i will ever do at all. pErhaps cos i have never gotten the courage to do so yet. Girls are confused creatures. They say one thing yet they mean the other thing. They let the events take hold of them. For example, last night, i spoke to my ex how i felt and what i am doing, the next moment, i felt so drained out mentally and want to give up on him completely.

 

i can't explain my erractic behavior either. i try to do a 'no contact' thing with him as suggested many times here. But my lack of confidence asked this 'what happens if he doesn't bother or care anymore during no contact?'

 

I m trying to do a lot of soul-searching and become a better person. I dare say i get better with outsiders seeing my qualities other than him. but i also must note this point that as i try to become a stronger person to handle this matter, i get even weaker.

 

what can i do? it is just a matter of time before i see a counsellor i think. I don't want to. i am only 21 this yr. others tell me to move on, i can't. my good fren is upset with my behavior and is leaving me. my life is absoluted messed up. how?

[dondon79]

Well as far getting on with my life, I'm doing that, and moving ahead in every aspect but, well love so to speak. Of course it's hard not to mull over the "us". As far as the hiding something, I think it,s because she an illness which comes out when she's stressed. Everything had been ok, but around exams etc... and other stuff and I guess our relationship she might have felt overwhelmed, and that led to the breakup. She sent an email saying, amoungst her illness getting bad, that she had left her sorority, which was very important to her, because of being sick (its an immune thing, not AIDS, and not mental). She had never told me how bad it was getting, but I'm thinking that was a factor in her desicion... any thoughts?