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Am I reading too much as well?


silkysliplover
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We have been split up now going on 2 and a half months. We have kept up friendly contact through emails, although I have emailed more so and called more than she. I have narrowed my calls down to once per week. She inititated the breakup, stating she had personal growth to do before she could settle down with a guy. I went down to see here shortly before Thanksgiving to pick up some personal items and we went to lunch, it was a fairly short visit. She mentioned at lunch about coming down for Christmas, and I wanted to and about going ice skating. Christmas has now come and gone and I went down there, exchanged gifts. I got down there about 130, and left by 530. She stated she was to go to her mom's to eat leftover Christmas dinner. I said fine. I did not mention the previous plans because I did not want to start an argument. We played chess for a while and exchanged friendly chat. She stated she felt awkward at that time. I was gauging that response because she still probably has feelings for me.

 

I keep replaying all these things over and over in my head and can't seem to put a handle on things. I would like to get closure in all this, I would like to know where we stand right now. How long does this personal growth take? What do I Do? I did email her stating that there could have been a miscommunication of emails in saying that I had a change of clothes with me and I was prepared to crash down at her place. I was not expecting to sleep with her, or anything like that. I would have slept spearately so I did not go down there with those expectations. She did not respond to this email, and does not seem to want to talk about emotional stuff, only friendly chatter like how to hang the print she bought me for Christmas. She's not confrontational about these issues, but I am and that's what I think makes it hard. Should I ask her point blank if a 3rd party has suddenly entered the picture? If I knew that, I would back away and move on gracefully.

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I'm sure she does have feelings for you, the feelings seldom die at the end of a relationship, especially as you describe yours as being quite a mild departure, no terribly hurt feelings, no massive argument.

 

It's hard to get full closure when you're still in frequent contact. There will always be a part of you hoping to rekindle your relationship again, and each time you talk, or meet, or even exchange emails, you're adding a little more fuel to he spark of hope you have.

 

I think your situation will continue this was if you want it to, and are willing to keep your distance, yet be at some low level of contact.

 

If you really want to get over it, and grow as you say, then I suspect you may need to shut down contact even more. Certainly, you'll have to move her further down your priority list, so you deal with other things, other issues, other people before you deal with her.

 

You've just seen her over Christmas, this of course will have made you quite conscious of the fact she is still special to you.

 

Keep in mind also that she is likely attempting to move on in her life. She may not exactly wish to break ties with you, but also may not want to put herself in a postition of getting too close again. Besides all this, she is probably concerned or curious as to how you are getting along. This is why no contact can be so difficult, not knowing at all what the other person is doing, how they're feeling, can be very frustrating when you've been together for a while.

 

To summarize, if you really do want to move ahead, try to put things like this Christmas behind you, back down as much as possible on communications at least until you feel you're to the point when it is a set of very fold, pleasant memories, and try go get on with the business of living for yourself again.

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