PLEASE Help me with the next step!!!!

[mattias8701]

Hello all! I have been browsing this forum for quite a while and have found the advice to be both helpful and at times inspirational. I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months and 1 week ago. We dated for 2 and a half years. The reason we broke up, quite simply, is that she felt I would never be able to get it together enough to find a career, stick with it, and be a breadwinning husband and father.

 

I was in medical school but got to the point where my study mechanisms were overcome by my disorder. I have attention deficit disorder and was battling deep depression (which I did not realize at the time.) I also had some resentment towards her because she kept talking to her ex boyfriend even when I told her it bothered me. This is really not important to me now as I am trying to win her back, and am fairly certain that he is just a landing cushion and a dead end for her.

 

I am taking medication for my ADD and depression now and am seeing a therapist to help me become a better and stronger person. I took my medical boards and did extremely well on them. What a difference the medication and therapy has made! I am doing all of the things I had set out to do.

 

I took the LSAT for law school and have been applying and interviewing for a spot with a pharmaceutical company. My goal is to get a pharmaceutical position and then pursue finishing my MD or getting a JD and working in corporate law. Paradoxically, my progress is very frustrating. Why couldn't I see this while she and I where together??? Sorry about the long intro, just thought some background would be helpful.

 

We lived together for a year and I was devastated when we broke up. I sincerely believe that we are a great fit and now that I have had some time to step back, I really know that I want this to work. I observed the no contact rule strictly. We had two dogs between us and my dog would often go and stay at her apartment during the day while I worked. She would leave me little notes that were just about business like stuff that needed to be picked up etc.

 

I left her a birthday card on Dec 18 and about a month before a congrats card (she got into grad school). She called me on Friday and we really got a chance to talk. I told her about what was going on with my life and she caught me up. When I told her about my progress she asked why I didn't do it when we were together. All I could tell her is that I was not thinking clearly and did not understand the damage I was doing to us as a couple. My cell phone was losing charge so I asked if I could call her back. She said yes.

 

I did not call and she called back again on Sunday and we talked again. She said that her dad was devastated that we had broken up and that he thought I "hung the moon." I was very nice and let her know that I did not blame her for breaking up at the time, I had nothing to offer her. She said that I was so intelligent and talented and could do anything I put my mind to. I asked if we could meet and talk and she said that she was still feeling "tender".

 

My questions are many! How do I keep from screwing this up? I am so in love with her and want so badly to be together but realize that I must be patient and consistent. How do I know when to make a move? I was thinking that when I get one of these pharmaceutical jobs that I could ask her on a date and take it very slowly if she agrees, and not live together again until we are married if it even gets to that point. Her favorite musical Oklahoma is coming to town at the end of January and I asked if she might want to go. She replied "Well, I do love Oklahoma." Not yes and not no.

 

Please help me out here folks. Is it unhealthy to harbor hope? Is there still a chance? What steps should I take? I read the Morrigan's post regarding getting your ex back but would love a little additional advice!

Thank you so much for reading through this epic!

[neallo82288]

Ok, you said the she stated that she waas feeling tender. Well, that was the end of her comfort zone. Take things slow, very slowly. Let her lead into the relationship things you just go with her coversation. Let her lead the way. When things aren't going well, then take heart and let her lead the way. She knows what she wants and how to get it, just be patient and you will be rewarded. If you are not patient you will chase her away and that may be for good.

 

BE PATIENT

[mattias8701]

Thanks Neallo! I am certainly trying to be patient. I called her and let her know where some painting supplies were in the apartment, that was the reason she gave for calling me yesterday. I greeted her in Spanish and she laughed! It was great to hear. She said she got a new apartment today and told me where it was. I did not ask. I took that to be a good sign. I said that I was mad because each time we talked my cell phone dies and she jokingly said that maybe it was symbolic. Not in a mean way. I said "no way! I will just make sure to charge it more next time!" I was very nice and did not bring up the topic of us. You give great advice, the comfort must be respected. This is the woman I want to marry, so if I must concede a few small battles to win the war, I will do it!!! Any more advice is always welcome and appreciated!