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I need some closure, I need some resolution.--PLEASE HELP


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Let me explain how all this started. I am here to say that link removed is a site to use to meet quality people. You do, however need to go through the numbers. I met a beautiful woman who lives about 2 hours away from me. We met in May, spoke on the phone numerously for a few weeks prior to meeting. We decided to try this. We captivated each other like no other has. The relationship was so intense, probably due to the distance and the fact that we didn't see each but every other weekend. I was willing to accept this and we both agreed that we wanted it to work. We thought about each other so many minutes during the day. We both, have had many changes in our lives this year, and I think this was the downfall. She recently moved out of her parents house into her own place, ended another long term relationship, plus got a new job. All this shortly before meeting me. I, myself, had a gun pulled on me back in April and put a plan into motion to move and buy a new house on the other side of town.

What does all this mean? Well, in October, 2 days before closing on my new townhouse, she dropped the bomb on me that she needed to make things casual because of the stress from work, her finances, etc. She needed to take a break. What is a break? How long is a break? Upon the initial hearing of this news, I was not non-reactive but it didn't really settle in to my brain until a few weeks later. I am 30, never been married, looking to settle down eventually and get married. She was definitely marriage material.

I am having a difficult time dealing with this, and it seems to be getting worse before it all gets better. I have limited my emails to her, I have scaled back our phone conversations to once per week. She is wanting to prove to herself that she can handle herself emotionally without a man before settling down. This is understanding, I feel all women should go through this, I just came in at the wrong time.

 

I went down there shortly before Thanksgiving to pick up some personal items. I took her to lunch and made the move to get together for some time during Christmas. Once again, I limited my calls prior to the holidays, even though it hurt so much. I made her a professionally produced CD that was comprised of songs of emotional importance, it also had a nearly 4 minute audio letter. Since i am a radio anouncer, I made it sound like I was doing a radio show dedicated to her. I also bought her some jewelry as well.

She bought me a nice painting to put into my new townhouse. She describes as I was there the other day "tense". Yes, it was tense, based upon the fact, our relationship was so "intense" only a short time and now she has decided to put things on the back burner.

 

I do want to wait for her, but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I am beginning to feel consumed with all these thoughts, I keep replaying everything over and over, and it's driving me nuts. I really have no reason to believe that I have been replaced. I believe I made a huge statement with the CD and the piece of jewelry but I still feel no better than I did prior to giving it to her. Is their a timetable for emotional growth?

 

If she didn't think there was a chance, would she have gotten together with me for Christmas? I am a little tired of this emotional control, but I have a bad way of wearing my heart on my sleeve. How do I get this woman back? I love her very much.

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First, I would let you know that you are going about it wrong. Here is a post that will enlighten you. It is the mosst helpful information I have ever heard on this subject:

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

Follow it and see how it goes. And I do mean follow it.

 

You cannot let her see you sweat. sweat means nervous and nervous means weak. You most be strong and confident.

 

Back off and let her wonder whats going on. Someone told me that, you have to put yourself and your emotions first. All this contact with her is keeping you fromhealing and being stronger. Leave her alone for awhile and she will come back. This is as long as there is nobody else in the picture, but sometimes even if there is somebody else they still comeback.

 

Take time away from all contavt with her and see how you feel in a couple of weeks. Better to make her chase and look strong, than you chase and look weak.

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Doing the four minute audio thing was probably not a good idea. What it turns into is you are constantly opening the door to your life to her while she is cosing hers.

 

All I can say is give her some time and don't be so organised about how you call her. Give her a week off, then call her saying "Sorry about not calling you last week. I was meaning to get around to it."

 

Listen to her. Pay attention to her tone. Read these little tell-tell hints. I am sorry, but if she acts like she doesn't care, then dump her. You seem to want something more serious than she does, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Post an update letting me know some more information. I will try to write more later.

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Since I am a discjockey in radio, I saw making the CD alot different. Normally, if I am in a relationship, I like to try to do things that have not ever been done before. I want women that I date to never forget the things, I don't like to do things already done. I am a very creative person who loves to do those types of things. She was quite receptive to the CD, whether or not she listens to it over and over is not the point, a statement was made that I still love her.

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