is even worth it?

[theused]

so seriously is it?

is it really worth trying to salvage a relationship that falls apart?

 

the dumper says that they are "done". done trying, ready to move on to the point that they don't tell where they live now, go into NC themselves, and tell everyone involved that there over it. I know she loves me and more than likely is still in love with me but can no longer try.

 

whats the point in trying with someone like that? ](*,)

 

how much has to change and how different will the new relationship be if it is salvaged?

 

I know a nice girl who wants to spend money on me, wants to heal me, wants to spend time with me. it just isn't my ex. when do you say F**k it and go with the one who ready is love you?

 

now i do know success stories. my ex's parents separated for three years when she was little. they got back together and are happeir than they were previously.

 

thoughts? comments?

[Aviatormy]

so seriously is it?

is it really worth trying to salvage a relationship that falls apart?

 

the dumper says that they are "done". done trying, ready to move on to the point that they don't tell where they live now, go into NC themselves, and tell everyone involved that there over it. I know she loves me and more than likely is still in love with me but can no longer try.

 

whats the point in trying with someone like that? ](*,)

 

There is no point in trying. She has put the ball in her court and all you can do to try and get her back is not to try at all.

 

Don't call her (too needy)

 

Don't write her (too cowardly)

 

Don't show up at her work (too creepy)

 

Don't Text/Email her (leaves you wide open for a harsh comeback)

 

All you can do is sit back, take over your life as a single man again and move on as if you will never see her again.

 

It is possible that one day she will come around and want you again but you can not just give in so quick if she does. Make her convince YOU that she wants this to work.

 

until then, think of this break up as an alarm clock that rudely woke you from a wonderful dream and get on with your day.

 

Best of luck!

[theused]

lets state that for the question that the sun, moon, and stars aligned and your getting back together.

 

then the real question is: is it worth investing in a relationship the second time around? will they do it again. what is the likely hood of success? thats what i want to know? we all know that something like 90% of rebounds fail. what is the failure rate of getting back together?

[Lana0120]

It would only work if the reasons for the break-up in the first place were dealt with on a long-term basis.

[shes2smart]

Personally, I'm not a fan of making the same mistake twice.

 

Consequently, "getting back together with an ex" is something that I've never done and wouldn't even think of doing. People can change a lot of things about themselves...with A LOT of effort and A LOT of dedication...but they cannot change their basic personality. The break-ups I've had first-hand experience with all came down to a mismatch in basic personalities, really...so, there's no point.

[deang]

it's up to the both of you if it would work again...you need to fix the problems. Only you can know if it's worth it..I think its definitely doable but I've never been as into it when they did come back. It was probably good for me that they gave me enough security and an ego boost when they came back that I realized I could llive without them.

[DrPhil]

lets state that for the question that the sun, moon, and stars aligned and your getting back together.

 

then the real question is: is it worth investing in a relationship the second time around? will they do it again. what is the likely hood of success? thats what i want to know? we all know that something like 90% of rebounds fail. what is the failure rate of getting back together?

 

Statistics mean NOTHING.

 

Why are you asking US if it's worth it? If YOU'RE not sure if it's worth it, then it probably isn't.

 

What is the likely hood of success? That's all on you. You can't control her, but you sure can control yourself. The more effort you put into working on yourself, the more chance of success...if you jump back into it without making the necessary changes, then it's less likely to work.

 

If that new girl is ready to love you, you better be ready to give her the same if you decide on that route...

[DrPhil]

I think once either the dumpee or dumper has slept with someone else, that is it. Anything other than that, I think is fixable (other than abuse, of course). But once you have done the deed with a new partner, I believe the love is gone.

 

Again, all very situational. It's a never ending circle..haha.

 

I do agree that if abuse, violence, rape, etc is involved, then there's probably no chance.

 

I'm not too sure if doing the deed means the end. Some do the deed just to satisfy their physical needs...which might lead them to crash and burn when their emotional needs aren't being fed.

[deang]

I think once either the dumpee or dumper has slept with someone else, that is it. Anything other than that, I think is fixable (other than abuse, of course). But once you have done the deed with a new partner, I believe the love is gone.

 

...

tell me more about this, I am curious...

 

huh, they have no obligation to you once they are gone...sometimes it takes awhile for someone to be ready to come back. If that was true my ex wouldn't have said she still loves her ex. The love isn't gone ...the old relationship might be gone. Honestly, I've had ex's come back after being with other people....they aren't mine and I don't own their bodies. Sure I wish they lived in a convent but that's not how life works.