apart or together?

[dexxeh]

ok my girlfriend left me in febuary. she cleaned out my house took my son and well left me with 0. this hurt a lot and a lot of things have been said, although we have tried a few times to be a couple.

it just hasnt really worked out. but the last one was the last straw so to speak, we fell out and didnt have any relations for 2 mths then all of a sudden she iniated sex i of course being male and having had no sex in that time didnt hesitate. then she went cold and i "tried to talk about it" to no avail, she said dont read too much into it. i mean i felt like a girl ( no offence girls but men usually dun feel like this ). i felt used abused and a idiot i still got a lotta feelings for this girl, and to be honest i made all the moves after this , the cuddles the kisses the massages but to no avail it still didnt lead to anything. i dont want to come off the jerk here , sounding like i was only after sex, but i wasnt i only wanted some affection. anyway to get to the crux of the matter the final stab to the heart came when we hadnt spent any time alone since that fateful sex session ( a mth and a half) i asked her to see her alone she said yes at the weekend. Then she never phoned and when she did it was l8 at night and i knew she was gonna say i cant come over cause she just put son to bed. so i acted cold and told her ill see her when she brings him over. all i want to know is a female point of view is she saying to me i h8 u and i want to treat u like crap or is she saying i want to feel in control? either way i hate it as we nver had this when we were going out/living together.

[The Morrigan]

link removed

 

Whether you want her back or not, there's a good bit of "human nature" stuff in there as to how and why people can react in ways that seem to not make sense.

 

Guilt and bad feelings over being the one to break up with someone generally make for a "fight or flight" response - either the person who's decided to leave wants to avoid those feelings (and in doing so, the other party as much as possible), or lashes out against him or her in reaction to those feelings (not so much "I hate you!" but "I hate that I feel like this because of you!"). Whether it's wanting to discuss things, or just you expressing your feelings - it brings those feelings of theirs to the surface - generally with hurtful results towards you.

 

If you want her to act better towards you - keep any contact you initiate only to what's necessary as far as your son is concerned. Even better if she initiates a good bit of that - but at the least, any more personal contact - let her bring it up or make the gesture. It's not so much a case of control over YOU as control over how much she's ready to handle at any given moment - pushing her to handle more just gives her reason to lash out at you and deepen her resolve she's absolutely right in her stance since it'll justify in her mind dealing with you is a painful experience.

 

Since she initiated intimacy - it would surprise me if she's really at all sure of how she feels and what she wants - so back off of her as anything but the mother of your son, and see what transpires when she controls any personal contact with you. Shift your focus to your life and your son and off of her, keep the contact you have to have light and casual - and strengthen your OWN resolve you're worth pursuing - whether it's by her, or someone else.

[dexxeh]

well point is mooy now. i wrote her a letter finishing it for good as we were both doing each other more harm than good. although the weird part was she got really upset? im like for 3 mths you have been totally aloof now u r upset?. well anyway we both agreed it was for the best to split up for good. so now hopefully i can get on with my life. if i can stop thinking about her that is Is there a timeframe for feeling like crap? or will i always feel this shabby?