name posted

[sapho]

So this is how it's all gone down. I posted his name on a R&R section of CL inquiring if other women had dated him and what they thought about him.

Is that so bad?

So he sees the post and responds threatening to phone police, that he knows it's me, knows my address & number (he does) and will have the police come and talk to me.

I don't want any more hassle about him. I simply wanted to hear what other women he's dated say about him.

Is posting his name a violation of the terms of service? I read it over - it says address or phone number but nothing about a name.

 

I've seen a complete discussion between women online about another particular man - giving his name and description. I had even met the guy once on a date but couldn't see what others saw in him evidently as I was not interested in seeing him again. It's strange how women will see the same man in such different views. I thought he was dull, boring but they said he was a ladies' man, a player. LOL. I didn't see that or anything - he was a bore.

 

So I tried posting the name of another man I sorta dated but it was more than dating. I should've posted it earlier on but waited. Now the guy has spotted it (rotten luck) and is threatening me.

 

What can he do? What if he complains to the site admin? Can they divulge my email address? What would the police say if he complains to them?

 

All I've done is post an inquiry about him as to what he's like......what's the crime in that?

 

can't sleep tonight.

[Daddy Bear]

What would the police say if he complains to them?

 

"Sir, get a life."

 

Sleep well. The worst that you'll probably get is a slap on the hand from CL's admin, if even that.

[d24]

i'm sorry i don't understand? apologies if I'm misunderstanding your post

 

So you posted a guy's name or address or something on an Internt forum of some sort asking if other women had dated him? ........And you did that because?!

 

Let's say for example I posted your name and number on a mens forum asking who's dated you and how long it took them to get into your pants? If you found that you'd be pretty mad right. Especially if you'd done nothing wrong.

 

The way I've read it is he's a guy you were or are thinking about dating and you were trying to snoop on him. He found out and has every right to be angry.

 

And to you I say - top sullying someone's reputation. If you wouldn't like it happening to you, then don't do it. That's common sense. If you want to know about him, talk to him yourself. Who cares what other random women think.

 

I believe this is a bit sick.

[Daddy Bear]

Claws IN, bro! She obviously didn't know it was wrong. And no, she wasn't "snooping" on someone she wanted to date. Please read posts carefully before commenting, and if you don't understand them, I respectfully recommend that you KITY.

[Hayles]

They will not be allowed to give out your email address - and if they do, you would be able to sue them - privacy laws my dear!! However, if he were to try to take legal action for slander or deffamation, admin could possibly have to offer your email address to the courts. I can not see things gettg this far, he is possibly trying to intimidate you... You know now it was not your best judgement to do what you did and I am sure you would think twice about doing it a second time... It will all blow over - I think I would be a little upset if I were on his end also, so it's a hard one! Good luk and let us know what comes of it, if anything!

[d24]

Claws IN, bro! She obviously didn't know it was wrong. And no, she wasn't "snooping" on someone she wanted to date. Please read posts carefully before commenting, and if you don't understand them, I respectfully recommend that you KITY.

 

thing is, i've read it one way as has the posted above me.

What did she mean though, as I only reacted to what I interpreted it as.

So... perhaps someone could enlighten me to what this meant if I have indeed got it wrong?

[sapho]

Well, I removed the post for now but later I will try again. He was not supposed to have seen it. His menacing reaction is telling on his personality. Obviously he's got a temper. He can't be sure it's me as he's been dating several women at the same time. If he ever asks me or the friends we both have he'll get a firm denial.

 

Other women have done the same thing as I explained with one example.

Why should I be left in the dark trying to figure this guys mixed signals out all alone for myself when other women he's dated could brief me on what their experience with him was like, his characteristics??

 

If he had posted my name and asked what men think of me - I say - go for it. It shows he's at least interested - but I wouldn't deliberately confuse a man enough to leave him wondering as most men do.

 

Don't forget we aren't kids - we're in our 40's - so people our age have a past.

I agree - hopefully the police have more important things to do than follow up an irate man's complaint about someone he suspects but cannot confirm posted an inquiry on him.

 

I wouldn't have felt to do it if he were more forthright with me - instead he plays the sexual guru role-type which is very off-putting to say the least. I asked if he were real or not - if he's a real man or just a play-around-with-emotions man.

 

Yes, I was intimidated. I don't want to give him any more ammunition to use against me than he already is inclined to do. Honestly I believe he's very unbalanced in his mind. That's why I needed to expand my search for understanding him better.

 

But I felt my 'freedom of speech' rights were being infringed upon. Just because women talk about their dates doesn't mean we're dissing him - it's just natural.

[Aurian]

I guess the problem is on the internet its THERE, recorded for anyone to see.

 

If you just ask what he is like, I don`t think that could count as slander. If you posted a bunch of bad things about him, then he might have a case. Asking the question, however, isn`t criminal.

 

If someone makes you so worried that you need to solicit opinions about him online, why would you want to go out with him? I`d DTMFA and find someone who doesn`t make me stress out over his behaviour.

[sapho]

OK, so now what began as a posted inquiry about a man I dated has become a support group for coping with this man's verbal/emotional abuse.

 

The man in question has seen the posts and emails threatening to make it a police matter if the talk about him continues.

 

My instincts tell me that I'm fully within my rights to talk about my dates with his other girlfriends who also feel like talking about him. We have discovered many similarities in his

talk and behaviour towards us.

 

Why not? Why should we succumb to being muzzled, silenced, threatened?

 

At the same time we don't mean anything adversarial against this man. We know he has a 'glitch' - a nervous condition that makes him lose his temper and say cruel, cutting things to 'take us out at the knees.'

 

It's really horrible to be alone and trying to cope with this man, trying to be his supportive friend yet unable to understand why he reacts in such a hostile, threatening way.

 

We are not MDs nor professional psychologists and thereforeee have only each other to connect with over what is a very cruel dynamic with this man.

 

We don't think of it as 'gossiping.' We simply want to understand why he doesn't care about how he appears to people when he berates, puts down, makes cruel cutting remarks to us. Doesn't he see how he comes accross as belligerent and rude?

 

Otherwise he's an intelligent, university educated, charming man with great potential.

Each of us has thought we are the unique, special one who thinks she will be able to help him get over his problem with his phobias, complexes, fears which feed his need to control, manipulate and generally make us feel bad.

 

Why not seek help in one another's company? It makes sense to me and I still haven't got a satisfactory response to convince me otherwise.

thanks for the feedback on this once again 'weirdest thread of the year'