Gay breakup

[All_on_me]

Hey everyone, I'm not sure if everything thats posted here applies to gay relationships but I'm so heartbroken that I figured your advice would be nice to hear. To make a long story short, I had been seeing my ex-bf for 8 months, I'm 27 and hes 34 and he dumped me late one night about 2 weeks ago. Oh and btw, we're both guys.

With that being said, I've been thinking alot about our relationship and what happened, in the first 6 months things were really really good and I thought that we really were meant to be together. But then I had a major exam in May and was really stressed and gained alot of weight. He was really understanding and waited for me to finish my exam but I noticed that he was different in how he was treating me, not as affectionate, easily irritable around me. In May, he announced to me that he wanted us to move in together(which in my mind I thought was too early) because he said that I was the "one" that he had been searching for. I totally fell for it and at the same time took him for granted.......I realized that I stopped paying attention to him, listening to his conversations, we stopped doing fun things together except going out for dinner and I had gained weight and was unattractive. I also got really stressed out with work( but at least I passed my exam) and was really really focused on my career around the same time. And then one night at the end of May, 3 weeks before he officially dumped me and I had driven the 1hr distance to see him, he told me that he wanted to go out with his friends to a party that we were both supposed to go to and wanted to know if it was rude if he made me leave out of the blue. I was sooooooo mad and hurt at the same time and drove home alone really upset. He called later that night crying and apologizing and begging for my forgiveness and then drove up the next day to be with me. He still wanted to move in with me but then suddenly a week later said it would be too difficult and cancelled the move. A week after that, we went out with some friends and he told everyone about all our plans for the summer and things we would finally get to do. Then that night, I talked to him about us and how he seemed distant and he suddenly told me that he didn't love me anymore and that he felt that we had grown apart. I didn't cry but was really hurt and left his place a midnight and drove home even though he wanted me to stay. The next day I called him to confirm what had really happened he said he needed a few days to think about it. Four days later he called me to say that it was over and that he had been thinking about it for a few weeks and knew it was the right thing to do. He tells me that he feels hes making the worst mistake of his life but he doesn't know what else to do. A few days after that he called me to arrange a time to pick up his stuff from my place. I was strong and gave him a time but told him that I was going to be out of town but that I would put all his stuff by the door and that he could drop off the key in the mailbox when he was done. That was last saturday and he sent me a text message to say that he had picked up his stuff. I didn't reply.

 

I haven't talked, emailed or texted him since and vice versa but I'm extremely sad. I just don't know what to do, the whole thing just brought up a life time of depression in me and my friends even made me see a shrink emergently because I really didn't feel like living anymore. Anyways, I'm alot better now and have spent the last two weeks focusing on me, I still don't have any appetite but at least I'm eating something now and started working out. I lost all the weight I had gained in 10 days and even got some muscle on so I feel good. However, I can't stop thinking about him, whether hes seeing someone, if he even cares about me and most of all if he'll ever come back to me. I've dated other guys before and for much longer periods too but I really didn't have as close of a connection as I did to him.

 

Right now a part of me keeps imagining what it would be like if we were back together but a big part doesn't want him back, at least for now or a few months. A huge part of me wants him to see me when I'm fully back in shape looking hot with my flourishing career and huge bank account. The other part of me tells me to never ever take him back and that I'm too good for him (i'm younger, have a better job and earn alot more then he does now) but I'm scared and feel like I really really want him back.

 

I'm afraid hes never coming back, he told me when we were in love that he had not been in love for close to 10 years but that he truly loved me. Anyways, I've decided to continue working on myself in the mean time, working out, making lots of $ and doing some travelling. I also realize that I still have some of his stuff and I don't know if I should ever contact him to try and give it back to him (his books and some clothes) or if he never ever contacts me again to just throw the stuff out.

[Confusedashellmyself]

Really doesnt sound much different than me and my ex GF in some ways , or anyone else on this site from what Ive read , so being gay doesnt matter in my opinion, ,your story sounds like the same senario as anyone elses does on here ,,,,,I wouldnt call or offer to give anything back, I would drop it where it lays, or maybe drop it off at a friends,I had an ex once that would leave me at the drop of a hat, but she always made sure she left some things behiind just so she had a bridge back to me. ( EXCUSE ) One day I packed it up after I got fed up with it and dropped it off to her friends, and never talked to her again,

Good luck

[Confusedashellmyself]

PS, I wanted to add this , once I packed her crap up and got her stuff out of my home she went nutzoid, I got phone calls at all hours of the day, night and day letters everyday for over a year.I ignored them all . All letters went straight to the trash unopened ,Had I wanted her back that wouldve been a good thing as she went panic mode big time, ,,but I was done, looking back I see my reaction is what says the most to get the best reaction after reading these forums, think about that , Im just saying the same thing in different words, she saw a doormat that finally stood up , it was funny the way the tables turned after I sent her stuff out of my home..

Really doesnt sound much different than me and my ex GF in some ways , or anyone else on this site from what Ive read , so being gay doesnt matter in my opinion, ,your story sounds like the same senario as anyone elses does on here ,,,,,I wouldnt call or offer to give anything back, I would drop it where it lays, or maybe drop it off at a friends,I had an ex once that would leave me at the drop of a hat, but she always made sure she left some things behiind just so she had a bridge back to me. ( EXCUSE ) One day I packed it up after I got fed up with it and dropped it off to her friends, and never talked to her again,

Good luck

[Whiskers]

It sounds to me as if you are making good headway to recovery. Not only are you feeling better about the way you look but your confidence isn't too dented which is great. Of course you'll miss him, it's a mourning of sorts but you have a lot to be proud of.

Is it possible that he resented you a little for earning more than he does? For having more chances at success?

Either way, bin his stuff, drop it at a friend of his or bury it deep somewhere.

No communication is most definitely the way to help you get through this.

XXXX