I want direction.

[SadStephen]

Hello.

 

Thank you for, well, stumbling upon my post and deciding to read it.

I am a sixteen year-old boy. A teenager. As most adults may know, us teenagers are always depressed as some time in our lives. We always think everyone is against us and we're all alone.

 

If you think I am just complaining out of some sort of teenager rant then okay. Whether you think I am actually depressed or not does not bother me. At least you've decided to read, which in turn should mean that you are curious and even care.

 

Well, down to business.

 

I have contemplated suicide for quite some time, but I am pretty sure I would never go through with it due to my fear of death. I don't wish to leave this place just yet. I have so many things that I could do. I just really don't know what.

 

My life is empty. I am a bitter, sad boy. I have no ambition. I go out like most teenagers would. They have fun, occasionally have a few drinks, but while my friends may seem content with this, I am not. I just feel completely empty. I have nothing to live for and I have nothing to care for. I am rarely happy and I am mostly sad.

 

All I want, is some direction. I want something to strive for. At the moment, my life just seems to be one big wait. I am going no where fast. I just want something or someone to life for.

 

Sorry for that. I just wanted to talk about it that's all. Thank you.

[auburnslp]

Hey Stephen...

 

Yeah I think most of us can relate to have gone through those feelings at some point in our lives, and not necessarily as a teenager!

 

The suicide thoughts are unhealthy and those need to either stop or you need to talk to someone about it-counsellor at school, preferrably parents...but truly you are just dealing with a tough time, and funny thing is that things always seem to work out and improve, if you give them some time and effort...

 

You are right that there are many more things coming to you in life. It truly is an adventure. And yet with the good there is always the bad-no one has had a completely blissful walk through life. A large part of what defines us as men is how we deal with the tough times, how we roll with the punches that life can throw at us...

 

Direction? Well, what are your interests? How comfortable are you with stepping outside the box, or your comfort zone? Do you have hobbies? Sports? Extra-curriculars at school? Tell us a little more about you and I am sure there will be tons of suggestions and ideas coming your way from the folks on here...me included...

 

Chin up buddy...my teenage years were the toughest. I know what you are saying. And yet they taught me a lot, and now they are long done, and I can't begin to tell you how life turned around for me at least once I got past that difficult time in my life...

[keenan]

The teenage years are the hardest, because you have very little power to make things happen on your own, very little control of even the most basic things (how you spend your days, who you spend time with, when to eat, when to sleep, when to be home). Plus, you have crazy hormones rushing though your body that make you depressed and angry, and most teenagers (especially boys) aren't still pretty physically awkward (too skinny, not tall enough yet, whatever) and aren't socially confident. This is totally normal, takes time to get through.

 

"Ambition" when you're a teenager seems to be a code word for "homework" or "boring job." Trust us--there's more to life. "Ambition" isn't just doing work for works sake--it's also about imagining and playing around with your vision of who you can be. You control that--not your parents or teachers or friends.

 

You don't have to enjoy going out and doing things that your friends do just because they enjoy them. Twenty years from now high school will be a tiny part of your life, and you will rarely if ever think about it. Your time is your own, and it's ok to spend it how you want.

 

One option is to spend this time figuring out your own personal "style" and project yourself into your future--what kind of person you want to be in 2 years, then 5 years--and think about what you can do now to make that happen. Does it sound more fun to live alone when you get out of your parents' house, or to live with roommates, or in a dorm? Do you wanna get a job right away, go to college, travel through Europe with a backpack and a guitar, join the military? Which sounds fun to you? What kind of job would you eventually like to have if you could pick anything in the world? Are you more into books, sports, or gaming? Do you wanna be a writer, work on cars, design video games, do animation for Pixar, be a ski instructor, give surf lessons? It's all good.

 

Don't kill yourself. It's 100% normal to think about it, so you are certainly not alone, but life is so much more interesting than you can even imagine yet. Right now you're trapped in a crappy little box called high school where you have to do what everyone tells you all the time. Deciding to kill yourself based on that experience would be like deciding that you don't like seeing in color because you've only seen one color (ugly brown green) in your whole life. There's TONS more out there that you'll get to experience.

[arwen]

Hey Stephen,

 

If you picture your life in 10 years time, what do you want in it? I think not all boys your age take the 'direction' part of life so serious at 16, which is why they probably seem so content with just going with the flow (i.e. going out, going to school in a laid-back manner). Obviously, you want more out of life. That's not strange- I think if anything, it's a good sign. People don't develop in the same pace, some start contemplating goals of their life much later or have a goal set since early childhood.

 

Aside from career/study things, your life can be really more exciting if you have hobbies that offer you a challenge. Going out is fun and all, but it's not really something that offers the opportunity to develop a skill. Do you sport? How would you feel about learning martial arts or learning how to play piano or something? I know these aren't exactly 'directions', but they can really make life more fulfilling.

 

Do you have a study advisor at your school? I think it may be good for you to discuss your plans for your studies. Part of me thinks maybe you are feeling empty because you are feeling bored- but I could be wrong. I have had a lot of teenage depression (also a lot of 'grown up' depression, btw), and at least in school, and even in uni, I have been feeling bored because I wasn't being challenged by the material enough.

[SadStephen]

Hm. Thank you. I don't even know any of you, but you still care. I guess that people for you. Such caring things.

 

I was just reading through your comments and decided that I should write back.

 

Anyway. I don't seem to have many hobbies. I am a pretty normal, boring person. Most of my days are spent being bored and if not that, depressed. Five to ten years from now, what would I like to be doing? Hm. I at the moment wish to be a doctor. I am trying to take the correct courses so that I may go to medical school and live a dream of mine. Which is to help people. Save a life. Make a difference.

 

I really don't want to be ordinary. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to be remembered for what I've done in my life.

 

You say that as a teenager life is like this, but I am going to be a teenager for years to come. So am I going to have to deal with these emotions for years? If so, then I really don't think I could handle it to be honest.

 

I also don't think I deserve to be alive. I am such a nasty person. Not that long a go, a female friend of mine was telling me how I'm a nasty person and I really need to change or else I may start to lose friends and I'll end u alone for the rest of my life and she's right, I'm a bitter, twisted sixteen year-old boy who needs to get a heart and starting being nice.

 

It's a shame none of them really know what I'm actually like. All my friends only know one bit of me. I guess I'm afraid to ever show anyone what I'm really like.

 

Thank you for reading.

[Anotherday]

SadStephen,

 

We can all be "nasty" people at one point or another in our lives. I look back on my life and it took me YEARs to become a better person. You are way ahead of the game! recognizing that you (and all of us) have a dark side. We all have a light side too! You want to be a doctor and make a difference. Certainly that is not a nasty aspiration! Now, if you'd said I want to become a criminal so I can rip off people and not obey the law, I would indeed say what a nasty or confused or misled person. But you do not fall into that category.

 

I remember when I was your age and it was the darkest time of my life. I too pondered on life's meaning and asked myself what it was all about and I was miserable. This didn't last forever, however, and by the time I was 18 I was headed in a positive direction - finished high school, got a full time job and started going to college.

 

I know it seems like a long time until you're no longer a teenager but, trust me, it's not a long time at all and the older one gets, the faster time flies, unfortunately.

 

Hang in there. You have your WHOLE life in front of you and fortunately you are ONLY 16 so you have so many years to create a wonderful life. It would be a good idea to talk to a counselor about your feelings however. Maybe an antidepressant could help, if really necessary. Life can change for the better in an instant, but you have to be in the world for it to happen! Take care and chin up. Things change and often they change for the better!

[keenan]

Hi Stephen,

 

We all have a dark side. We all feel bitter and twisted sometimes. Part of being human is learning how to balance the dark and the light...learning to suppress the urge to be mean or selfish, and instead take a deep breath and reach out to others, showing compassion and kindness. There's a time and a place for good and bad behaviors, and we all, no matter our age, struggle to find the right combination for any given situation. The girl who said you were nasty wasn't being HER best self when she told you that, was she? It certainly wasn't a very nice thing to say to you.

 

A lot of science fiction and fantasy books are about this struggle between dark and light. Also, some of the funniest popular books are by people like David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs are by guys who had crappy teenage experiences and retained their twisted, sarcastic senses of humor into adulthood. People love those books because its so easy to recognize the funny meanness that is in everybody, but they also recognize that we all have good sides, too.

 

Being a teenager can be more boring than being an adult, it's true. In part this is because you have fewer options and fewer real responsibilities. That won't be the case for 4 more years, though. In just two years you'll be an adult. Even just next year you'll be studying for the SAT and applying to colleges, right? It's really about waiting out high school, rather than waiting until your age begins with a "2". You can make it through.

 

To me you sound like a really smart, caring guy who would benefit more from some more meaningful experiences, beyond school and hanging out with your friends and family. Since you want to help people, there's no reason you can't start now. What about after school tutoring programs with underprivileged kids? I've done that before and found it to be pretty amazing. Also, is there any way you could take one class a semester at a local college or university? Some high schools offer that option. That would be fun because you could get out of your school for part of the day and spend time on a college campus, where you'll have more freedom and people will take you more seriously.

 

I also like the idea of talking to your parents or a counselor about how you're feeling. Feeling bored and sad is very normal, and there may be things that they can suggest that would help you feel better. Even just talking to somebody can help a lot.

 

We're here for you, too.

[SadStephen]

Hello.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any sort of tips as how to survive alone. I have lived most of my life alone and I most probably will forever. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for living alone. I know I will not get a companion or anything so I just need a few words to help me get on a little easier.

 

If you can help it would be a lot to me. Thank you.

[Anotherday]

Hello.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any sort of tips as how to survive alone. I have lived most of my life alone and I most probably will forever. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for living alone. I know I will not get a companion or anything so I just need a few words to help me get on a little easier.

 

If you can help it would be a lot to me. Thank you.

 

Good morning, Stephen.

 

Well, first, you are sixteen and have many years to find a companion. Why do you say you will not find a companion? I'm a dinosaur compared to you and, even though there are slim pickin's at my age, I still think I will

 

As far as surviving alone, well, I live alone and I've spent most of my life alone and it is much better than being with the wrong person. Whether someone is with someone or alone, it's always important to develop hobbies. Do you have things you like to do to pass your time so you're not bored?

 

The saying "This too shall pass" really is true. Just hang in there. It does sound to me like you could benefit from talking to someone though SS. That would be the first thing I would do if I were you. I have a counselor and it does help.

[auburnslp]

Yeah-I have spent much of my adult life alone, and all of my teenage years alone-never had a girlfriend in high school. The poster above has a great point-friends and hobbies will do. But if you manage to find a hobby that is fulfilling and also gets you out there among others with the same interests, of the opposite sex, well, the chances of you being alone greatly diminish immediately...

 

Volunteer at a local hospital, Habitats for Humanity, at a Shelter for Homeless, etc. All great things to do for your fellow man, and it's amazing how interesting you become to the opposite sex when you tell them that these kind of things are the things that you find to be fulfilling...and it's instant networking-even if you are on-site with a bunch of moms or taken girls, they always have daughters, or friends, who they will want to eventually introduce you to...

 

It's never over my friend, no matter how bleak it can feel at the time...

[SadStephen]

Hey.

I haven't been on here in awhile and I guess returning isn't a good sign. I've started going to the Gym. It's something I guess and I really enjoy it, but it isn't enough. I've started trying to cut myself off from my friends and I just generally feel alone. I would never end my life because I am too afraid. The contrast in my moods between days in quite extreme. One day I can be feeling on top of the world, then the next I'm down in the dumps. I wish I was young again (Preferbly 7ish) back to when I had not a care in the world and most days were spent smiling.

 

I keep thinking to myself though "Is this a phase?". Am I going through what all teenagers might go through eventually or am I genuinely depressed? I know us teenagers are known for over-exaggerating our sorrows so maybe that's what I am doing, but even so, I don't like this feeling one bit. I just feel worthless and I'm beginning to hate myself and I fear things will just get worse as I get older, but who knows maybe things might turn around.

 

Anyway, sorry for the useless post. I just like to get a few things off my chest and complain a bit.

 

Thank you.

 

-Stephen

[keenan]

Hey, thanks for posting! I'm glad to hear that you're going to the gym--that's cool. Are you cutting yourself off from your friends because you don't really resonate with them anymore? Can you think of places where you could find friends you have more in common with?

 

I don't think you're abnormal to feel depressed as a teenager, nor do I think that it's necessarily about exaggerations -- you've got a lot of hormones cruising through your body and things just haven't really come together yet. It's like building a building or whatnot--you're still in a major, major construction phase.

[nightdweller]

Hey Stephen, I felt similar when I was around your age. I asked myself "what am I going to do?", meaning, what was my direction and what am I going to do for a living...Well, I'm 27, and although i don't have everything figured out, my future is full of opportunities, possibilities and new learning experiences. I guess in a way, you don't even know what you don't know. Don't take that as condescending... I mean this in the most positive way. Your a thinking man...I can see it in your writing. While its rearing its ugly head right now, it is a blessing in many ways. I'm not going to lie and say everything will be cake. But life never is, in fact, to me, life is not about just being happy. Its appreciating all the facets and giving validation to all emotions. If anything, strive to be content. Happiness is a fleeting moment, a high soon falls to a low. Why do you think people drink and take drugs? life to most people is fleeting moments of ups and downs, always trying to find the next high. While its not comfortable, take in and accept your emotion, no matter what it is. It deserves equal validation. You might still "feel" crappy but you are widening your awareness. There's a funny saying. The more you learn, the more questions you have. This goes on your whole life. I can understand how your friend made you feel when she said that. Its almost like your this person and you have another side to tell you your not liking it. The fact you got on this message board and posted tells me you want to live. The fact that your thinking about it and asking questions is a sign of high intelligence, and this perhaps is your worst enemy.