Not sure realtionships are worth my time

[theBestFriend]

my confusion makes me misspell simple words like RELATIONSHIPS.

 

How much work is too much work when you're trying to make things WORK??

 

This may be from our complete inexperience in relationships, and that we are both shy people (him more than me), but sometimes it's like pulling teeth. Like, I'm pulling the teeth and he's just like "Yeah, whatever, I guess it hurts, but I didn't really want to say it."

 

Backing off doesn't work, and being super available doesn't work.

 

When it gets to the "pulling teeth" part, is it time to go, even if you really like the person? And how do you tell shyness from sheer laziness?

 

It may help to know that we were friends before any of this mushy stuff began.

 

Well, I realize I asked several questions, but thanks in advance for your help.

[tangi39]

I think it's less to do with "How much work you want to do "

and more of "How much you love the person in relation to the work you put forth."

 

Any LTR is hard work. IMHO, the more you love someone, the more work you are willing to do. Any relationship requires hard work.

The more willing you are to throw the towel in, the less you care about making the relationship work.

 

I have been tested in ways I never dreamed imaginable in my marriage. But I loved my husband enough to go through those times. So it was worth it to me.

[theBestFriend]

hmm, that makes sense. i feel like i am willing to work and he is not. perhaps i need to reconsider this.

[Excalibur]

The person you knew before "mushy" - is the same person you're dealing with "in mushy".

 

If you thought he'd get more attentive, considerate, compromising or communicative with "mush" - you're mistaken.

 

Many times, if you begin a romantic relationship "with a friend' - the dynamic of involvement has been set in stone by the friendship preceding romance. And what makes it appealing to be in a romantic liason with you - is that they don't have to put forth more effort, compromise, communication or change in order to begin the "romantic" part of sex...in addition to the friendship that already exists.