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i only like a guy if i'm not with him


EmptySoul
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hey everyone...

this is becoming quite a problem with me. for example, my current boyfriend...the whole time i wasn't going out with him, and was with someone else i wanted him more than anything. now, i'm with him, and i feel like he comes over too much, i'm bored, and i'm really starting to like and want one of my ex's. this isn't the first time this has happened with me and a guy, or me and this guy. help please.

EmptySoul

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hey everyone...

this is becoming quite a problem with me. for example, my current boyfriend...the whole time i wasn't going out with him, and was with someone else i wanted him more than anything.

 

He wasn't available to you....

 

 

now, i'm with him, and i feel like he comes over too much, i'm bored, and i'm really starting to like and want one of my ex's.

 

Now he is available to you... Almost whenever you want...

 

this isn't the first time this has happened with me and a guy, or me and this guy. help please.

EmptySoul

 

First of all this is not a problem with you. In fact, you sound to me like the typical female.

 

And the guys that you have been seeing arn't all that abnormal either; men are typically clueless when it comes to attraction, especially when it comes to females.

 

The real reason why you are loseing interest in them is because they no longer make themselves a challenge. They basically hand themselves over to you on a silver platter; they know that you want them and when you get them they put you up on a pedestole or make their whole world revolve around you. What fun is that?

 

I guess you could say that it goes this way... Guys love(aka give) to get sex, and girls give sex to be loved. In fact, basically everything about relationships with guys and girls is flip-flopped between the two.

 

There is even a term for the average man, which is abbreviated "AFC" or "Average Fustrated Chump." Average 'cause most men are frustrated, since they don't understand why women act the way that they do towards attraction.

 

I am sort of an AFC, but I am recovering. Being a guy myself, I really really loath and dislike the fact that girls are designed like this, but it's something that every guy must deal with and adapt to; doing what is attractive to the ladies. What is natural for a guy just doesn't turn women on.

 

The average man must adapt or die lonely. God bless those that have figured out the pattern and are successful.

 

That's why a lot of girls fall for jerks; the majority of men are either really really nice or really jerkish. Guys who are balanced between nice and jerkish are far and few between and tend to get married off really really fast. The average man is typically not attractive to girls for this very reason.

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yea i have to agree with Hero here, women always want what they cant have, and now that you've got him back you want something else you cant have.

 

Either he really gives into you easily (making him look less challenging, which makes him less attractive), or your just really selfish and get bored easily (no offence, its just a natural female attitude). You definelty dont seem to be looking or be ready for anything long term.

 

this is becoming quite a problem with me

 

Is it a problem? Only if you make it to be, which you are. Just remember that when you leaves him you will end up wanting him back again, and going through all that stress and anxiety and effort again. Dont take him for granted, or anything else you have. Just close your eyes now and imagine that whatever it is you are getting bored with has now gone to someone else. Try to believe it, and you should suddenly realise how much it means to you, and want it back. Do that everytime, and you will be holding onto it tight!

 

good luck

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It really sounds like you need to figure out what attracts you to the guys you go out with in the first place, if you lose interest that quickly.

 

If you're going for a "type" of personality or appearance - get to know some different types of guys on a friendly level - and see if you find yourself gradually attracted more to a completely different kind of guy. Sometimes the initial "at first glance" attractions are pretty fleeting, because we find once we get to start knowing the person they really are - they don't live up to the expectation and lose the attraction. Now, someone you're only a little attracted to and start getting MORE interested on talking and just getting to know them - that might be a guy who could keep your interest for the longer haul, one who would interest you on enough levels to want to dig a bit deeper and form a relationship with.

 

(Sometimes "Mr Hot" in flesh turns out to me "Mr Boring" in mind, you know?)

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Okay, I hate to break up the generalizations that are being made about women, but feel I must.....

 

No, not all women are like this. Some women are quite content being attracted to a guy, being asked out or asking out that guy, and have a comfortable, loving relationship with that guy for as long as they can. I myself am in such a relationship. That's where marriages happen. If "all" women were as described earlier, the world would be full of men and women madly rushing out, dating and dumping and not much else.

 

If you have this problem of wanting someone, then losing interest once you have them, I'd guess you're more interested in the chase than the catch. Which isn't great for the guy involved, since he's putting his heart on the line for you and you're just in it for the thrill of "getting" him. And you're not being fair in letting the relationship continue if you have no interest in it while he's maintaining his end of it as well as he can.

 

I would let him go and stick to dating for now. That way there's no commitment, you can control how often you see someone, and there aren't any hard feelings if things don't work out. But don't jump into a relationship until you're ready to put as much into it as that guy is, or else you're starting that relationship off in a lie.

 

Mar

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Okay, I hate to break up the generalizations that are being made about women, but feel I must.....

 

I didn't really mean to make that a generalization; from my observations most young girls are like that, and some never grow out of it...

 

No, not all women are like this. Some women are quite content being attracted to a guy, being asked out or asking out that guy, and have a comfortable, loving relationship with that guy for as long as they can. I myself am in such a relationship. That's where marriages happen. If "all" women were as described earlier, the world would be full of men and women madly rushing out, dating and dumping and not much else.

 

That would be a good example of a healthy relationship.

 

Unfortunatelly for some people that is the painful reality of their world. Why do you think so many marriages fail? Atleast one of the partners has to lose interest and atleast 70% of all divorces are instigated by females.

 

If you have this problem of wanting someone, then losing interest once you have them, I'd guess you're more interested in the chase than the catch. Which isn't great for the guy involved, since he's putting his heart on the line for you and you're just in it for the thrill of "getting" him. And you're not being fair in letting the relationship continue if you have no interest in it while he's maintaining his end of it as well as he can.

 

I agree... Well put...

 

I would let him go and stick to dating for now. That way there's no commitment, you can control how often you see someone, and there aren't any hard feelings if things don't work out. But don't jump into a relationship until you're ready to put as much into it as that guy is, or else you're starting that relationship off in a lie.

 

Very good advice....

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hey,

i think the advice given is great (Mar i like what you had to say).

 

do you believe that it actually gaining the man in the first place that you enjoy, as said he is more distant and that could be simpler to handle and also a desire. ive seen this happen with one of my friends, and she went through the same process of getting him and then actually not wanting him as close, she became tempted by people from her past or by men around her. it seemed to her that more people wanted to be with her when with another than without and this became tempting as she wanted those people.

but afterwards she lost someone she loved, the people werent there, the time was empty in which she would have usually cherrished and mistakes were made.

the time that you spend together may be great but first off i would say lower that time and see how it feels not being with him, if you can do it where you are hardly together without any emotions felt by you then he wasnt the one, but im guessing with him not there as much you will see why you wanted him in the first place and you will no longer be tempted.

 

there was a reason why you went for this man how would you feel if you lost him?

everyone is tempted at some time, beginning middle or end. just make sure the verge of temptation is not swayed by a greater move making further than just looking.

its not wrong to look at the menu but dont serve the food (if with someone already)!

 

good luck with this one.

 

kel

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